I am so upset, school and statement related (ranty and long) :(

[moosemama]

Backstory: Last year ds had truly amazing teachers, they 'got' him and went out of their way to make sure he felt happy and confident about his abilities and work.

In the infants maths used to be his absolute favourite subject, he has always been in the top set and got level 3 in the y2 SATs.

In y3 he essentially had a breakdown for the first half and was left to his own devices for the second half (spent the last half of the year reading in the corner). In y4 his teachers just couldn't get to grips with the fact that he can do the work, he just needs longer to process. As a result he completely lost confidence in his ability and stopped working. At the end of the year one teacher wanted to move him down a set - apparently to show him that he was better at maths than the pupils in the other group - . The other teacher, EP and inclusion teacher disagreed, as did I, saying that would just knock his confidence even more, as he was capable of doing the work - he just needed proper differentiation and reassurance of his abilities.

Last year his maths teacher was adamant that he was in the top set, on the second to top table purely on merit. She reiterated to me regularly throughout the year that he absolutely deserved his place in the class and she worked hard to differentiate and support him. By the end of the year he was doing really well and after all her encouragement and support, finally started to believe in his abilities again. At the end of the year she pushed for a meeting with the Head to insist that he be allowed the extra time for tests and assessments that the EP and OT had suggested. I got the distinct impression she had been pressurised not to do this during the year she taught him. Spoke to her right at the end of term and she said she'd had a meeting with the Head, SENCO and next year's teachers and it was agreed that he should get the extra time. In the meantime I made sure it was written into his statement.

This year he has two teachers who clearly don't believe he has AS. They are obstructive to say the least and have a big thing about 10 year olds being too coddled and needing to be more independent. They include ds in this, despite him clearly presenting as a much younger child in terms of emotional development and maturity.

His maths teacher has not been giving him the extra time for tests and assessments and as a result in less than one half term he is convinced once again that he is no good at maths. His confidence has plummeted and now he has started to make silly mistakes as a result. She has even kept him in at break to finish tests.

We've been through this before with SENCO insisting extra time is only for official tests/assessments and failing to grasp that if they don't allow him the extra time in class as standard he becomes despondent, loses confidence and gives up - resulting in lower grades. He is entitled to the extra time based on the results of his WISC IV and this is clearly stated in the EP report and now also in his statement.

He brought home a test the week before last that was marked in red pen. He had completed 16 out of 22 questions and got 15 correct (the one he got wrong was a silly slip of the pencil type mistake). The teacher had put a big red cross next to every one he hadn't completed, plus obviously the one he got wrong. She then wrote a big red 7 on the bottom of the page. So not only did she not give him enough time to complete the test, instead of encouraging him by marking the ones he got right, she chose to highlight the ones he hadn't completed and mark them as wrong and instead of a mark for the ones he got right at the bottom, she had emphasised the ones he hadn't completed/got right. As a result he was really upset and told me he is rubbish at maths etc - so we are right back to square one, where we were in y4, effectively wiping out a whole year of hard work by last year's teachers.

I had just had a meeting with the SENCO about how they intend to implement his statement, but was not at all happy with their plans and my concerns were borne out within a week - so I added this to my list of issued with the school so far this term (which is now 8 pages long) as I plan to ask for a meeting to address them.

He has just come and told me that last Tuesday his maths teacher told him that she is going to discuss with his class teacher him moving down a group in maths. She said she would speak to his CT about it for her to discuss with us at parent's evening. He is obviously devastated and now sitting sobbing over his maths homework - which is something he could have done easily last year, but now can't do for panic.

Not only are the school not implementing his statement properly in a myriad of ways, by failing to do so they have totally undermined all the good work put in by last year's teachers. Ffs, if the maths teacher had given him the extra time as required, he wouldn't have lost confidence and wouldn't be in the situation he's in now

I have only spoken to his CT twice this year and both times she ended up ranting at me about how ridiculous his statement and extra support is. We get ten minutes at parent's evening, sat elbow to elbow with other parents. I don't want to discuss it at parent's evening, but dh says he does - loudly if necessary.

I want to arrange a meeting to go through the 8 pages of problems we've had so far this year and how badly ds is affected as a result. To find out why the teachers have such a shitty attitude to SEN and what makes them think they are better qualified than a team of over 9 professionals to know what my son's needs are and therefore over-rule a hard won statement.

The problem is that dh has just started a new job and can't come to daytime meetings anymore.

I am all shades of angry about this, sitting here shaking with anger at how upset my ds is because of their incompetence and refusal to give him the support he needs, as set down in his statement.

I feel sick and just want to cry. I have fought so bloody hard and after winning the statement content he needs (with one or two exceptions) he is worse off than he was without one. I can't believe they told him they were going to move him down a group without speaking to me, or at the very least his inclusion teacher first. Poor child has been bottling this up all week without saying a word. I bloody knew something was up because he has started flapping and tic-ing again and is generally a real state as soon as he gets in from school every day.

I spoke to the TA who helps him get organised for the day on Thursday and she insisted that he is doing really well, settled in fine and had no problems. I told her what a state he's been in at home and said it's because he's having to hold himself together at school and she said 'well he's doing a great job at it then'.

I know the school are going to put the blockades up and I have a huge fight on my hands about the useless way the have implemented some of the statement had have clearly completely ignored others. I can't even go to the LEA about it as the Statementing Officer seems to be best buddies with the SENCO and just says it's my problem because I don't have enough trust in the school, so it's for me to sort out with them.

It's not even as if I care about his bloody results fgs, I just want him to be happy and confident and he is the polar opposite of that right now thanks to their spectacular mishandling of him.

A whole year of excellent teaching and support wiped out in 3 weeks (he was on a residential for one week and off sick for another). That has to be an all time record.

Can someone with some perspective please tell me what to do? I feel like no matter what I do nothing will change and ds is going to slide further and further backwards as the year goes on.

Phone LA ask the SO what dates she is available for a meeting. Tell them due to the schools actions and that the statement is not being implemented that you would like them present to discuss how the support should be actioned. That at present you have so far given the school time to iron out "teething troubles" but you feel given recent discussions the school won't implement on your request alone. Rather than delay matters and your sons education further you request a collective meeting of all concerned. Email the request don't phone for log purposes. Then you can ask school to choose dates available again via an email.

then sit back and see the response x

If that makes sense :)

In a nutshell grab bill by both horns and have done with as this is probably the inevitable final meet anyhow x

I have nothing of any worth to contribute as this is waaaay out of my depth, but sending you virtual hugs anyway.

xxxxx

Gah, just wrote a response to you Coff and MN ate it.

Basically, we have had more insight into the school's incompetence from ds this evening. On top of everything else his class has been having a supply teacher for an hour or so a day - for some reason - and she has been shouting at him to sit still, sit properly and not allowing him his fiddle objects, telling him he has to have empty hands when she is speaking to the class.

I have had him curled up in a ball on my knee for an hour this evening and he never does that.

Dh has completely lost it now. He is going to call and insist on speaking directly to the Head tomorrow - he won't stand for them refusing. He's not going to list all the individual issues, he's going to tell him that the school is not only failing ds in just about every way possible, they are also categorically failing in their statutory requirement to meet his needs as set down in his statement, which is a legally enforceable document. Then he's going to ask what the Head intends to do about it and that we expect to have it sorted before parent's evening later this week. Think he should also drop in there that we have been in contact with the LEA and they agreed that we have been patient and reasonable and are within our rights to tell them to sort out these issues and implement the statement as it was written, rather than to meet their own resource issues.

That way the ball's in in their court. They need to review what they are doing with ds across the board and find out where things are going wrong. To do this they will have to invite us in for a meeting and address each point in turn.

We are just about to sit down and compile a formal list of complaints, rather than the 10 pages of journal entries I have for the past fortnight.

Would he benefit from a few weeks off? Just a few weeks living in tracksuit bottoms and a pair of wellies? If that is at all possible?

Damn them again.

Hi Tree,

Dh has just said he feels like we have been zapped right back to 2009/10, only this time the school can't use the excuse that they didn't know he had AS.

This just goes to show what an enormous difference a good teacher can make. We barely had any issues last year. His teachers were brilliant, naturally differentiated and understood ds's needs without the need for a statement and kept up a constant dialogue with me, so that if they did have any concerns or problems we could sort them together.

I wrote to both teachers at the end of the year telling them how grateful we were to them and that imo, if all teachers were as naturally inclusive and good at teaching as they are there wouldn't be a need for children like ds to be on the SEN register, let alone statemented.

He blossomed in that school year from a school refusing, anxious boy with rock-bottom self-esteem to a happy, confident boy who was thriving academically. Four bloody weeks to undo all that - inbloodycredible!

I cannot believe how far removed this year's teachers are from last years.

I'm not sure Tree, he doesn't want to be away from his friends and would see time off as a punishment, therefore assuming he must have done something wrong.

I'm hoping the half-term holiday will help bring him down a little and that we can force them to up their game and start meeting his needs in the meantime, so that when he goes back things are massively improved.

How is dd getting on with homeschooling? I bet she's loving the peace isn't she?

Sorry, yes she is. She just sort of floats around. Sometimes very in the moment and keen and soaking up any learning we do. Sometime [most times] away in her own world of what must be muted noises as she never hears a word I say

SHe does miss a couple of friends. For sure. That's a shame, for sure. However we have met plenty of HE kids locally and take part in a weekly club and, well, the time just leaks away. It's amazing.

She has almost come back to us, the dd I remember. Not the stressed, twitchy, nervous, non-hearing coiled spring.

And we have our psychologist appointment through for november which I am so pleased about. She is looking forward to it too.

Can't your dd come stay with me a while DD would love him and we'd go tto the beach a lot

Oh I am so glad she's relaxing and returning to her pre-school self.

I'm sure ds would love to come and stay with you, especially if I told him about the beach. Dd probably would like him - girls tend to like to mother him - and it would be interesting seeing the two of them together - yet actually off in their own worlds, iyswim. You on the other hand would be desperate to give him back within 24 hours!

Oh - and he'd want to come home to his own bedroom every night, which is a rather long drive.

Meant to say.

I wish I'd been as brave as you and pulled ds out years ago. It's so much harder once they get to this age and have had years of indoctrination that they should be in school, not to mention him finally starting to make friends with a group of his peers.

You are one helluva Mum and I take my hat off to you.

Its a shame it is a long drive, dd could do with someone who has their own 'Boober land' [the place she goes to when she closes off from the hear and now'. She'd be delighted to simply hang out and build hex bug habitats.

It's almost like watching a preschooler play, she is with other children, but beside them. Not playing with them, just at the same thing and at the same time as them.

Anyhooo - none of this helps you or ds. I hope your DH kicks butt tomorrow. I pretty much handed all the dealing with school bull over to dh by the end, I have a very very sad but probably true theory that people respond better to men. Much less likely to try fobb off. After all, we are probably just hormonal and anxious mothers aren't we??? [twitch]

here

Oo hex bugs. Ds really wants some of those, but I am mean and said no, because I couldn't get my head around the attraction.

Love the idea of Boober land - I had a land myself, called Woozle land when I was a child. I even wrote and illustrated little books about it.

Can't agree with your last paragraph more. Dh only gets involved as a last resort generally, but you're right, they do tend to respond to him better. Unfortunately he just isn't available to meet with them at the moment, being only two weeks into his new job, which leaves me in the firing line after he's lit the touch paper.

Don't blush, accept it gracefully. It was said in earnest.

Bless you.

Hexbugs are strangely soothing. It's almost like they are real. The habitats are cool too, we have a sick bay and a prison and a smugglers cell etc etc. They are down to about £5 each too.

The Brontes had illustrated books of their own worlds - you keep good compant

I am currently immersing myself in point and click computer games that have particularly beautiful worlds, while I'm sat here with my foot up. I have always been very anti, but have found it a really good way to switch off all the real life crap for a while and relieve the boredom.

Problem is, I am completing the games too quickly, so have now completed 5 different games since I broke my foot.

I might get ds some hexbugs for Christmas - if nothing else it will make a nice change from blooming Star Wars and Pokemon.

Your DH has for the right idea let him take the reins and tell them how it is :)

I feel so much for your ds. What a horrid supply teacher! how about a sneaky ball of bluetak in his pocket to fiddle with without taking it out?

In hope your DH gives them what for x

Oh dear, moose. No new advice, just some honking.

Wishing you lots of luck and positive vibes for todays meeting.

Hope your DH gets somewhere today.

Honk for you and Ds.

When will schools get rid of the everyone must be treated the same mentality?

Thanks all.

Dh should be phoning the school around about now, so all positive vibes appreciated. He hasn't got any meetings booked in today so they can call him back anytime - no excuses.

I had to write a note in his diary about the supply teacher though. He was really worried about going in and was happier once he felt it was being addressed.

Got my foot/ankle assessment in a couple of hours as well. Did something very painful to it turning over in bed last night, not sure if I've made it worse or clicked something back into place.

Right, dh spoke to Head, struggled to get past the gatekeepers, told he wasn't in, then asked to speak to SENCO instead and finally he rang back about 15 minutes after dh called (obviously after going to see SENCO and see what's up). Did the usual PR job about how they want ds to be as happy and successful as he was last year and he will get to the bottom of it etc. Said he would do some investigating and get back to dh to set up a meeting at a time dh can attend.

To his word, he did call back and dh now has a meeting with the Head a week tomorrow. Head did say the SENCO may be at the meeting, but we didn't expect different really.

In the meantime, we have been asked to go to parent's evening and take it at face value to discuss how ds is doing academically. Not sure what they intend to do about the maths set problem then.

While this was going on I was being diagnosed with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome and being told it will be a long haul to recovery, with a prediction taking me up to Christmas.

about your foot. You need another chronic longterm condition like a hole in the head just now. Are the assessment team able to do anything about it and if so is it going to cost £££s?

Good for DH getting a meeting. I hope the HT knocks some heads together before then.

I suppose you could ask them at parents' evening to postpone any decisions on the maths set until after the meeting with the HT.

Thanks NoHaudin.

From what I can work out it's all connected. The physio said it's possible/probably that my neuro issues predispose me to developing CRPS and there's also lots of research out there to connect CRPS to JHS/EDS. We discussed my own hypotonia and hypermobile joints and ds2's dx of JHS and how it should really be EDS and she explained that CRPS is an autonomic dysfunction, which of course is comorbid with EDS. (All it took was one quick google of 'CRPS and EDS' to see how prevalent this is.)

It was a relief to talk to an intelligent professional who was passionate and interested enough to keep up to date with the latest research and understood the complicated interactions between my health problems and this problem, which to all intents and purposes presents as an acute trauma injury, but in reality is far more complex and systemic, iyswim.

It's just a shame that to access her services I had to pay privately. She works for the NHS as well, treating the same condition, but not in my PCT and from what she said it's nigh on impossible to get as far as dx, let alone the right course of treatment on the NHS. She basically said I would have no hope of getting this properly dealt with in my pct. Same old story, be it me or my dcs.