visited special school today feel it would be perfect for dd now have to pursuade dp

[autumnsmum]

Hello I visited a special school today which I feel would be perfect for my dd 3 who has autism and learning difficulties.However my partner is still in denial about her needs and as he has agrophobia and depression he has not attended any assessments or seen how she behaves outside the house, I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to deal with this situation he has even said hes concerned about her being statemented as it might stop her going to a main stream school. The borough have already bsaid she needs a special school or unit , any advice would bemost welcome

If they're all advising a Special School placement then I would embrace that wholeheartedly. The way to show your DP is either film her on your mobile when you are out or at Preschool or have some play dates at your house to highlight the differences between your dd and a nt child.

Thanks sally thats brilliant advicemy little is scared of other children and avoids them at preschool and of course a ss has v small classes

well presumably you have as much say as your DP does.. and if you want SS and the LEA is recommending SS.. it means they don't think she will learn and thrive in mainstream. Presumably your DP doesn't WANT her to be isolated in mainstream?!

It sounds like he needs one of the professionals involved to speak to him.. could the Paediatrician or Ed Psych ring him at home? Ours is accessible by phone with a bit of organisation!

Stick to your guns:)

I think I would continue doing the assessments and making arrangements for her. Show him all the reports that professionals write and maybe ask for some of their advice in writing so he knows that this is what is being said by independent people. You could maybe offer to ask whether mainstream would be suitable for your dd even if you already know the answer so that he feels he is being listened to. However if you think it is primarily that he is denial about her difficulties you may have to be forthright in saying that you agree with the advice you are being given and that you think this is best for your dd. if he isn't able to leave the house and attend appointments then he is obviously going to have to rely on you to make decisions for your dd. is there anyone else in the family who could support you and help convince your dp?

Yes darling, of course I want her in mainstream juniors, but the classes in infant school are so huge, and the national curriculum is so rigid, and they know nothing about how to bring on her language properly.

If only we could afford a private school for her. School-next-door, what a dreadful ofsted report, what a shame.

Oh look, the professionals are offering her very expensive and intensive early intervention for nursery and infants, they must see her potential... gosh, look, SS has even better staff ratios and facilities than private Montessori school

Mariamamma thats brilliant I could also remind him that local nursery werent keen to take her as they felt she wouldnt cope as its very busy

Hiya, sometimes it's a feeling of fear and helplessness that makes us refuse to believe our child has SN. Once you start knowing how to do something useful, and can track the results, your dp may cope with the diagnoses better. This works and this can fund it and this is how to claim.

And then your dp will want whichever school is best for your dd, ie the one which is most able to carry on her parents' effective work.