DS punched a teacher

[Bonkerz]

DS is 12. Attends priory school (specialist small 34 pupil school in small class of 4 pupils with 1:1 support) dx of ASD, ODD,ADHD and anxiety issues as well as hypersensitive to touch, noise etc.

He regularly goes into crisis and is restrained and sometimes this leads to staff getting hurt but until now he has never hurt anyone deliberately when he has been in 'control'.

Yesterday school rang me and said I had to collect DS as he had punched his teacher. According to head at this point she believed it had been a deliberate cold hard calculated punch. I obviously went and got DS who refused to leave the calm room. I then asked the head to call the police if she felt it had been deliberate.
Originally she agreed to this request but was shocked.... I have constantly told DS what will happen if he continues to be aggressive and told him the consequences but he has no imagination so talking means nothing, I feel this is the right time to show him the serious consequences! (Bad mummy :0()

To cut a long story short I ended up having to get dH to come to the school and drive DS home as he was not budging. School suspended DS till Thursday. We have removed all privileges for two weeks. The
school rang about 5pm last night and head
Said she had looked at the evidence and apparently the teacher now thinks he was 'bubbling' and she got down to his level and invaded his space hence the punch. He has been allowed back today. I have asked the school to continue with the police caution and head has said she can get a local pco to give an informal caution and explain what will happen if he attacks anyone again.

Have I done the right thing? I'm so confused. I'm terrified.

You've done exactly the right thing (used to work in a similar setting, different company)

You've backed the school and made it clear to ds that aggression is not acceptable. I imagine know for a fact the class teacher knows your ds better than the head ime they talk out of their arses most of the time, but that's just personal experience

His behaviour is not your fault

First of all, you're not a bad mummy. Sometimes you've just got to try something a bit different especially when their actions have got out of hand.
I'm a bit concerned that she told you she was sure it was deliberate then seems to have backtracked. Did the teacher not talk through the incident with the HT before you were called? I don't think it will help your DS understand the seriousness if he's told it was so serious it meant not being allowed back until Thurs then being allowed back today. They should really have got it all straight before calling you.
As for the caution, I think getting a pco to give an informal caution may be a good thing if your DS understands the whole idea of police telling offs. My DS would be mortified but excited so not sure if it would work. but then he loves anything to do with the police.
Sorry, I'm not much help.

It's all so confusing. I have a meeting on Thursday at school and head said they will arrange for pco to be there then. DS hates us and is saying he wants to be taken away and locked up ().
Apparently the head was in meetings all day and teacher took decision to send DS home. The investigation took place after DS had been collected which is why the change of mind. Normally the school are fan and we have a great relationship but this is the second time this year that I have felt I have not had all the info or that they were not considering DS needs in totality. I felt that exclusion was actually rewarding DS as he likes being at home with me even if he had everything taken away!!!!!!!

Oh you poor thing. And poor DS to have lost it to that extent. And poor teacher.

I understand about trying to teach consequences. DS recently damaged a friends car (totally not understanding the expense and consequences). I have insisted that he apologise and pay for the damage. I think part of ASD is not being able to see into another's mind and how your actions affect them.

I would agree that if he was an adult, and used this strategy to deal with his anxiety, then it's a police matter.

Saying that, I wonder if calling the police is the best way to handle it. As in, he is a child, younger in many ways than his 12 years (I'm guessing obv - that's how I see my DS).
Would it be better if you could speak to the police, informally, explain where you are coming from, explain to the pco how DS ''sees'' the world...and ask if they can get involved as an educational thing. From their pov, I presume police would prefer to spend a few sessions explaining 'implicit' rules in an explicit way that would reinforce that he cannot do this? Rather than having to arrest him in 8 years time for assault?

As he is in a special unit, I presume they have done social stories about this? Have they given him alternative strategies for when he is so frustrated? Can he label the emotion he is feeling and communicate it before it gets to punching time? What about his sensory issues..do they have a calming programme for him?

Bonkerz, when's his keyworker next on shift? They should be able to explain a few things, or if not then their Team Manager will be in the loop. As a keyworker it was a big part of my job to liaise between education, residential, home, external, SMT - usually as an advocate for my key student. Afaik, that's a fairly standard set up :)

They may be considering other students by sending him home; exclusion sends a strong message to the whole school about aggression. Also, a couple of extra days chilling in a safe environment doesn't always do a stressed student any harm iyswim

Thanks all for the replies.

We had a meeting today. DS has calmed enough now to apologise and understood the police will be called if he does anything like it again. School admitted they felt it was a sensory issue involved and will address this for the future.

Sounds like a positive result?

I hope so. I suppose we won't know really. If he does it again we will take further action to make him understand but hopefully he has now taken on board everything that's happened.

Ds has taken a step towards understanding (and therefore controlling) aggression.

School have identified a potential trigger and can hopefully teach him to avoid it in future.

Sounds ok from here. Are you satisfied?

I'm satisfied that we have worked together to find a solution and that DS knows we are not taking it lightly and we view him as a young adult and he needs to start taking responsibility for himself a bit more. I can't shelter him anymore. It's a tough world for him and he needs to learn these tough rules now not in 6 months when he has wrapped a chair round someone's head because he wanted to!

:)