Saying it out loud

[insanityscratching]

I intend to homeschool dd from y7 I feel quite embarrassed because I'm a fighter and believe in fighting to get the provision that our children need in school and it feels a bit like I'm throwing the towel in. BUT I know dd won't thrive in secondary and I'm not willing to watch her fall apart first before fighting for a specialist school. I don't know whether that makes me a realist or a coward tbh. I'm not convinced homeschool is the best option academically but socially and emotionally I think for dd it is. Hope you lot don't think I'm a traitor to the cause though.

I have no experience of dealing with the school system at all. I believe in fighting but I also believe that our DC come first and foremost. After all we are fighting the system for them. We should definitely fight but not if our DC end up becoming the casualty in it. So no I don't think you are a traitor at all, but very brave.

I read this a long time ago, it was written below a picture of a swan with a fish in his mouth.
"Never ever give up, but know when to quit."

Actually, I think it is a brave person that can make the positive move to homeschool and take on sole responsibility for their child's education.

It's a proactive decision.

I know how you feel though. I felt a failure for bailing out of my spiteful LA instead of remaining and fighting. But it's not about me. Unlike my LA I managed to keep my focus firmly on outcomes for DS, and we were never going to get them for Ds where we were, at least not in a timely way, and time matters.

Not at all because I've already come to the same conclusion, especially as our kids will be the "test" generation for Cameron's lunatic reforms. I don't think the channels/means to fight for an independent secondary SS will be accessible to me realistically.

At present I'm intending to fly solo from year 6. This is beacuse I honestly think year 6 has become about teaching to the test (SATS) rather than proper education, and summer born DS could utilise that year better in catching up properly with his 3 R's as he's currently running 3 years behind.

DS lost KS1 to the "system" - a major error & not one that he can afford to repeat. I've learned some very harsh lessons from the experience though, not least that he cannot afford another 3 year fight until common sense prevails.

Right now his social communication deficits are being help immensley by being in a class of NT peers within a supportive environment + he's getting access to the SALT he needs. There will come a time when the balance of needs between "aquire basic social skills v. learn the 3R's" will shift. My current reckoning is that for DS it'll be around year 6/7.

Star's point about focussing on outcomes is very, very valid. "whatever it takes" takes on a whole new significance when raising a child with SN's.

Dd is year five and for now is thriving in her inclusive primary although she has said often school would be much better if there weren't other children there The gap between her and her peers socially is growing particularly as she's a girl I think and girls seem to become increasingly bitchy and complicated towards the end of primary.
Her needs aren't obvious, when she is unhappy she only harms herself whereas when ds was unhappy he could disrupt a whole school and he had enough of a reputation for everyone to be wary and I think that carries weight in our LA at least.
I think we'll use the money we save in Tribunal fees to buy in tuition instead to take off the pressure because she's academically bright and I want her challenged.
It's a different future to the one I imagined but I don't think it will be inferior and in many ways I think it will be far less stressful.

Insanity no one on here would ever dream of critisising you for trying to do the right thing for your child.

My Dd3 sounds very similar to your Dd and I am uncertain at the moment about how she will cope in mainstream secondary. I too would be willing to HE her if she wasnt coping and I certainly wouldnt leave her long enough to fall apart.
I totally get what you are saying about the other girls, Dd3 is roughly 2 years delayed socially I would say and the NT yr 5 girls are tricky for her. Luckily she has some lovely friends who have a range of SN's and they support each other.

I will be watching her very carefully and will pull her out if she is struggling.

I admire you for being brave enough to make a desision

I think that's a great choice. It's different for my DS, he's happy at school with no friends, doesn't care that he's 'different' and I don't think I have the patience or aptitude to HE, myself. If he starts to struggle at school I would be tempted, though. For now, the limited social interaction he has, even if it's more with adults (TAs and teachers) than with his peers, is all good training for the RW.

Since being a TA, I have realised that the actual work/academic learning done in primary school can be done in less than 2 hours a day 1:1. You would miss out on the social interaction, but there's more than one way to skin a cat.