I am having a bad day,I don't know what to do anymore.im at the end of my tether with both DC,and no one wants to help us.

[LiberteEgaliteFRIGGernite]

DD was supposed to be being assessed for spectrum disorders....6 months later....nothing.
She is getting harder to handle and I don't know what to do,I cannot cope with her.she is nearly four,and starting school in September.I can't wait.i worry for her,but equally can't wait to get her into school for 6hours a day.
I know how awful that sounds.

DS has a speech delay.he has made no progress in 6 months.i have had two paed appointments and a hearing rest,which is more than DD has had,but still,no actual help.

I don't know what to do.
I don't even know what I want from this thread.

And I'm bloody crying now.

I'm going out of my mind.why won't she listen she remembers the most ridiculous things,but can't seem to understand when I say No,I mean,don't do that!
Every morning she sneeks down stairs,and takes food from the fridge or cupboards,when we find her and tell her off she is distraught,but just does the same thing again the next day.we put a stair gate up,she learnt to undo it,we put another (harder) one up,she climbs over it.
She pulls on the curtains,I say stop it,they could fall on your head,and that would hurt. She pulls harder,it falls,hits her on the head,she crys,we put them back up-she does it again.
Don't stand on the stool like that,you could fall-she ignores me-she falls-crys-climbs back on the sodding stool.

I mean WTAF am I supposed to do?!
Preschool say she's wonderfully,bright and clever,if a bit strong willed.maybe it's just me,maybe I'm just shit at this.

Meanwhile DS is wandering around falling over and bumping his head ALL THE TIME,can't say a single word except 'mehmee' (mummy) and only knows one sign,the sign for 'milk',if I say no he screams.

Our neighbours must think we're abusing them from the amount of screaming that comes from our house.
ACTUALY I'd be glad ofa SS visit,as I can't seem to get anyone else to help us.

I can't keep up with the housework,at all.
I can't cope with the DC.
I can't cope.

Im Sorry about the moaning...

why has there been nothing in 6 months? You need to get angry now and start making a nuisance of yourself. My experience has been that those who nag the most get the most help. Ds has aspergers and goes to school with another boy who has HFA. I am in school constantly, having a go and making sure ds gets what he needs, the other boy's mother is a much nicer person than me and 'trusts' the school knows what it is doing. Her son gets no support whatsoever.

If you can possibly afford it I would get a private consultant appointment. Ours cost £100 and bumped us up the NHS list by about 4 months (according to HV who had never seen a child get an NHS appointment as quickly as ds did). We also got a quick NHS SALT referral through the private consultant.
Ring them today and ask what is going on, go back to your GP and cry a lot and ask what he/she plans to do to help you.

Don't feel sorry for moaning - it's good to get it out. You need to use this stress and turn it round to get the help you need. Now is the time to get on the phone and nag for those appointments. Those who shout loudest will get the appointments more quickly as if there's a cancellation they will remember you. When I was in a similar position to you I contacted homestart and they were brilliant so get googling them as well.

sorry didn't offer much in the way of unmumsnetty hugs. Sounds grim for you. Does dd do some pre school? I found How to Talk so Kids Listen really beneficial. For example telling dd what NOT to do can't always be processed, have you tried telling her what to do instead. You are not shit at parenting, I was convinced I was until we got a diagnosis for ds then I realised he just was different to other kids in some ways so I was able to think more rationally rather than react emotionally to his 'challenges'.

Thankyou.
I know I should be doing more nagging,but I don't know when,or who to call.

if I'm on the phone DD just constantly says "can I talk now?can I talk now? Can I talk now?" over and over until I put the phone down.then she screams.
I also have my own weird 'issues' about phonecalls,and find them difficult at the best of times.
So Ive been putting it off.
id also like to think we are making our way up the list...we aren't though,are we?
I just want it to go away,burying my head...oh god I'm turning into my mother.

How do I get a private consultant appointment?
we could find the money.it will be easier than doing battle with the NHS I'm sure.

Yes,I can do good emails!
Where do I find email addresses?!

Even when you get the dx there is not going to be much more help.

And I'm crying again.

Make a file for each child. All letters go in this file plus a bit of paper to note down all calls. In the front of the file have a to do list of calls and letters to be sent. Review on Sunday night make calls on Monday at 9am, post letters on Tuesday. - okay,will do,this sounds v useful.

Find activities for both children that keep them busy. Lots of them. Have a box full of different things so if you need to make a call they get an activity, same with housework. - I have one.they don't/won't use it,I work in a toy shop at the weekends so it changes all the time,I've tried lots,DD loves craft,DS loves destroying craft etc,etc...

Get an egg timer so dd starts learning to wait. -great idea,I'm going to go qnd buy one today.

Get a bolt for the kitchen door and put it on very high up. -can't,ther dis no door,stupid open plan kitchen/dinningroom,opens onto the stairs,so there is absolutely no way of keeping her out,except with the stair gates she can undo or climb and the child locks on the fridge and cupboard with she has worked out how to open.

Put both dc's in the bath together for 20 mins every evening. This is your time to read a magazine, paint your toe nails, mn sn....whatever! - we do this,and yes,Tis very peaceful for about 5seconds until DS hits DD with a toy,or they fight over who has what toy,or DD gets water in her face,and then when it goes cold and we have to extract them,they both scram blue murder as they don't want to get out...

sorry!

I have 5 children, 2 with sn and the oldest was 6 when the youngest was born. I know what you are doing. Do it as well as you can, but that is all you can do. -you are a real life superwoman.

Email whenever you can if you hate phonecalls - I could kiss the SN Mum who told me this!

1. It gives you a written audit trail for the future without making your life anymore difficult today & you can schedule an email to suit you.

1. You are able to think about what you want to say and make your key points properly

1. You don't have to worry about forgeting say summat important, & then regretting it.

1. You won't embarras yourself by stammering, stuttering or bursting into tears.

1. Noone can say at a later date the conversation took a different turn, or worse didn't even happen.

One of the advantages of the statementing process is that it locks some of the professionals into a statutory timeframe by which they have to get off their arses. Think about making a statement application for this reason alone.

Demand to be put on the NAS early bird course for parents NOW - it'll give you some basic coping strategies & give you a chance to become known to those with the skills to help. The charity ambitous about autism also does some great (cheap) courses for parents.

Who do I demand to?!
Who do I email?!

The HV?
The GP?
The pead'?

Write one email & send it to the bloody lot!

Two of my Dd's have done the cupboard raiding thing in the mornings, Dd2 doesnt get up till lunchtime so never did.

When i was really fed up of it we put everything nice in the garage and left a packet of plain biscuits and cereal in the cupboard. They can graze on that till i get up.

I know its not really a solution but its one less fight.

Try to ring or email the proffs, it really is a case of those who shout loudest get heard in the sn world.

Be kind to yourself, you are not a bad mum you are just having a hard time. What is your local childrens centre like. The family support worker at mine is really good and helps parents chase up appointments and stuff. You should be able to refer yourself to them.

Good luck

Thankyou,those are all good suggestions.i will try to implement them today...

The children's center is probably great,but I don't know,as I don't drive and it's an hour and a half walk along main roads and through council estates-DD is a Bolter and I would lose her in seconds in one of those places.All the houses and roads look the same,she would think she knew where she was going but she wouldnt IYSWIM.
I do have a double buggy,but she screams the whole time she's in there and I get v stressed!
Also I don't know when I would find 3 hours + whatever time we spent there,as DD has preschool most days....

Right,I'm off out to get the supplies as suggested....thankyou...wish me luck!

You could try phoning the childrens centre and saying what you just said here, the family support person might come and see you at home.