Please come talk to MNHQ about Special Needs topics: better with fewer of them or not?

[HelenMumsnet]

Hello.

We're looking into streamlining/reorganising our Topics list to make it easier for people to find the best topic for their thread, and to make it easier for everyone to find their way around Talk.

And, following on from some of the points raised on this Site stuff thread, we wanted to ask you folks about the range of SN Topics in Talk.

Currently, as you know, we have...
Parents with disabilities
Special needs support sessions
Special needs: children
Special needs: education
Special needs: legal/financial
Special needs: recommendations
Special needs: teens and pre-teens

Do you think it might be a good idea to lose some of these, given that some of them (legal, education, recommendations, in particular) are quite underused?

Would it be better to have fewer topics, so that every OP was more likely to get replies to their threads?

Or do you think the balance of Topics is fine just as it is?

Please do let us know...

Of course 2shoes.

Something like parents of sn teens and adults? I could relate to that - children def v different issues.

My DS is 17, he's at college and doing A levels. Hasn't worked out the difference between girl friends and girlfriends yet, but is managing other aspects better than expected.
But someone else could have a 17 year old with much more severe needs who will never make it to MS A levels and might feel that she really doesn't want to be in the same section as me wittering on about catching trains independently.
Likewise, I have also been the mother of the same DS at 5, and can sympathise with a mother of a similar 5 year old.
I suppose I'm saying that the support is more important than the chronology in my mind. I'm happy to talk to anyone about teenagers. In any location.

I think we need it to be like this

ACTIVE SN (all posts within sub-topic displayed)
---Special needs: parents with disabilities
---Special needs: children and education
---Special needs: teens and adults

Therefore 2shoes can post in a topic and not have to plow through us talking about Y2 SATS but can still benefit from others like Silverfrog who has an older SD with SN as well as younger children. The same goes for the rest of us who can either use the active or the sub-topics. Sorry to name you 2shoes but we need to make sure that all of us can use the boards inc you

So if I want to talk about DS and his manly urges, I can avoid frightening the horses and parents of children with SN? Sounds good to me.

Ok, 2shoes, I hear you. But, whilst I can't tell you 'I know how you feel' and I can't say 'me too' or whatever, I might know something about your thread. I might be able to google something which helps. I might be able to make you feel just a little bit better by acknowledging that at the end of the day, the options are crap.

Why, why, why does it upset you that it is teens and pre-teens?? I can't understand it. It's like it's like someone wanting a topic for elderly parents and saying 'oh but sadly it's not just for really elderly parents, but those who are just getting on a bit too'.

It should be irrelevant. Either you can post and get support there or you can't. It strikes me as a bit territorial. I know you say you aren't in a place to offer support. But really, if a parent of a pre-teen posted about something and you knew an answer, why does it offend you if they are posting in the topic that you also call 'home'?

Genuine questions - If there was a topic called 'SN:Teens', do you think you would get your support? Do you think there would be enough posters to offer support? Do you think other people there would get support, if you are saying that you couldn't offer it? Would you want the MNHQ blurb to say 'please only post here if your child is over x age?' What age would that be?

Say a child has precocious puberty as part of their SN. Should they post in SN:Children, or SN:Teens? The Teens section would know more about having a child with SN going through puberty. The children section would be more 'age appropriate'.

Perhaps it's all irrelevant. We talk about 'stage not age', but you are saying that age really is important to you. I find that sad.

Fallen, I am increasingly frustrated and angry at the suggestion that the posters on SN:Children need protection from being "frightened" .

We spend hours on here building parents up, preparing them for taking action, etc. Parents spend hours being soft-soaped and patronised. Please don't start patronising us on this board.

I fully expect DD1's future to be frought with difficulty. I don't expect to be treated like a child who can't cope with the rating of the video

sorry but I want to talk to people who are going through it, or have been through it, thats all really, I realise it isn't going to happen on the sn topic on mn.
I think it is a shame, but mn hq have gone with the majority, fair enough.

;Lougle,
so why is there a teens topic and a pre teens topic in the nt part of mn?

and Lougle calling how I feel "sad" is nasty.

Wow Lougle, have you read any of my posts?
I've never patronised or soft-soaped anyone intentionally and I do think that knowing what's ahead is important. I've always been open about DS and his dx and the challenges involved.
Which is why I stay off some topics where I can't be squidgy and lovey-dovey if I think the poster is being ridiculous. I'm very puzzled that you think of me otherwise.

Teens and children are different.
NT or SN doesn't matter. Provision is different. How to handle things is different.

2shoes, can I ask - where are you going to find these people to talk to? I can totally understand why you might want to, but the SN teens section is hardly overflowing with posters waiting to discuss these issues, is it? And I don't think that is because the subtitle of the topic is 'pre-teens and teens'

trying to equate the separation of pre-teens and teens over on MN main secitons is a bit odd, imo. there are (I assume) vastly more posters for each section, and the separation makes sense.

I can't remember when the topics in SN got expanded out, but pretty much ever since you have be bemoaning the fact that the pre-teens and teens section is hardly used. as i said before, posters cannot be magiced up to fill this seciton, nor can posters who feel it is not out of place to discuss the issues that arise with teens and post-19 on SN: children be made to post in a spearate section.

I am not sure what you want to achieve. I mean, i can understand what you want, and why you want it, but you have had that for the last few years, and it hasn't really worked. posts go unanswered; threads are missed. same for the education section, and the legal section (doe sthat still exist?)

for better or for worse, threads on the main SN seciton get answered a lot more frequently than in any other section. creating a post-19 topic woudl, imo, mean yet another ghost town area, where the odd thread gets posted and hardly anyone visits or answers (and remember I am facing some of the post-19 issues too)

silverfrog why do you care?
you keep making the same point,
I won't win the one and I know it, but as long as I can get the point across that post 19 are not children they are adults and imo they should be treated as such, that is all I can do.,
I do 100% understand why people don't want more topics, oh dear they might not get an answer.
I just want some where that I can post about 19 plus that is all, I don't see why people keep on ....having digs tbh.
perhaps when you are facing it you will finally get it.

2shoes, just as an aside and I'm not trying to shunt you anywhere, do you know this forum?
www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/ Lots of knowledgeable parents, lots of students and young people with ASDs discussing all sorts of useful stuff.

have you read any of my post 2shoes?

maybe that is why I care.

but clearly you cannot be bothered to answer a genuinely asked question. I do not understand why having a section labelled post-19 woudl make it any easier to ask any questions you have. that is what I am trying to get to the bottom of. especially since, over the last few years, you have been dissatisfied with the teens section. why would having a separate section make such a difference?

I totally get that you want to talk to people going thorugh the same thing. that is a large part of why anyone comes to boards like these.

but those other people do not seem to be there in any large quantity. having a separate section will not mean they appear, necessarily.

so why do you feel you cannot post on the main seciton, and hope (given the larger passing trade, as it were) that someone might be able to help? is that not better than posting in a section that may not even be looked at form one week to the next?

thanks fallen, but she doesn't have ASD,
I am very lucky I have to say as I have lots of support from her school and elsewhere , I just think it is a shame that there is no where on mn for it.

however I am the parent of an 11 year old who gets no support and the support I am getting here makes me feel uncomfortable and even victimised at times.

Must stress at times.

Silverfrog tbh you are being very rude. I have only posted what I feel, I can't change how I feel.
you have every right to your opinion,
i have explained it over and over, but you refuse to understand as it isn't how you feel.

Oops.
Sorry for the unhelpful aside then! I'm not very good at remembering stuff.

Have we come to any sort of resolution then, that is possible?
The problem being that you can't snare posters and make them comply and post where it seems most appropriate.
One of the things that this thread has shown is that everyone seems to have different ideas about what is and isn't appropriate and useful.
WetAugust, are you still there?

Selfishly perhaps (as my ds is 14 so in the middle of the age range) I'd prefer there to be only one sn children and young adult section.

One, because I've had useful advice in the past from parents of much younger and much older children with sn.

Two, because life is already busy and I'm told I spend too much time on mumsnet as it is, so one sn topic is quicker to read through.

Three, if I need to post I've always done it in sn children because I know I'll get a quick response.

I understand that some posts are going to be age specific and people will want to target parents who are at the same stage and that it is potentially isolating if you feel other posters don't understand what you are facing or you may not feel comfortable sharing some of the dilemmas you face with a teen or adult dc with parents of much younger dcs.

Would it make any difference to establish the convention that we flag individual posts up with a key word at the beginning eg "teen", "young adult", "pre-school", "education", "lurking LA employees only", if we are keen to target a particular audience among the more general sn population? And just leave that out if you want input from anyone on the board.

I think if there are any posters who feel they prefer a separate topic for teens and young adults that we should keep it rather than lose their input on the sn board. If that's the case, could we just keep a sticky reminder at the top saying (as has been suggested upthread) that there is more traffic on sn children for anyone who would like responses from a wider audience?

my point exactly one size doesn't fit all and as you emphasized earlier it should be all about support. However I do think you also touched on something quite relevant earlier too.

I just think there are enough people out there trying to put he boot in without us getting pissed off with each other. If anyone understands the sort of pressures and isolation caused by being the parent of a child with SN, surely it's us all?

and some literally more than others

I'm sorry, 2shoes, I am being rude?

I'm asking a genuine question - quite politely, while being told I shouldn't care and have no right to ask it.

oh well.

I'm out.