Ds1 is 12. He is in a grammar school in Germany (automatic 3 tier selection for all secondary school pupils)
The pastoral support is much less in Germany than in UK.
Ds is clever, but is massively underachieving. Either because he has this fear of failure or he is arrogant about his abilities vs. needing to actually learn and work too.
Last year he unfortunately played up with a kid who hates school and he turned from being v. hard working and ambitious and conscientious to a lazy to rag who hates school. I do think he found it boring and too easy, but now it's picking up, and not so easy.
Good thing, this friend is off the scene & ds attitude seems to be improving but he has lost his mojo if you like. He was dx with ADD, but doesn't take any meds/ have any support for it. He is v. forgetful and chaotic, and now resistant to any help from us.
Sorry for long preamble. A couple of weeks ago told me he had detention, but was v. vague why or with whom. He forgot to go. I was with him when he realised and he shrieked in horror and begged me to lie for him, so I know he did forget.
Anyway, I phone to discuss with his class teacher who is no longer kind, understanding, 'gets ds' but cold, angry, tough shit, he has to learn, cutting him no more slack, threatens with exclusion!. An official warning arrives from the school.
(I assume cos he's forgotten detention). couple of days later, we get a second official warning from school, this one IS cos of the detention, so 1st one was for bad behaviour in class - but only weeks after the actual bad behaviour?)
I have to attend big meeting with senior staff and ds. I have suggested before putting him on report and they refused saying they haven't got time to spoon feed every kid.
He has been punished (imo severely) he knows our expectations. Dunno what else I can do. Don't want to look feeble in front of teachers or angry they not cooperate with me/ help re ADD etc.