Teacher just mentioned autism at parents evening... what next?

[Puffinsaresmall]

Hello

DD is 7 and has always been quite rigid and black and white about things. If you say to her you'll do something later then she takes that as a 'promise' and gets very upset if plans then change. She also gets upset if rules are 'broken' and doesn't seem to understand that people can make mistakes, she can be very pedantic. I assumed this was all par for the course for a 7 year old.

At parents evening her teacher said 'I shouldn't really say this.... but erm... I think she may be on the very edge of the autism spectrum' The other teacher (dd's class has two) didn't seem that happy with her choice of words. I said 'what next, do i need to take her to the GP or ed psych etc' and this teacher was very 'No need for labels, if you want to take her somewhere then do but might grow out of...certainly doesn't need drugs... etc etc'

They went on to say that DD is very bright and the first teacher said 'yes and that's often true of children on the spectrum'.

Anyway - what do I do now? How do you know if your child is autistic? Is there anything I should be doing?

Sorry if this isn't very coherent, just got back and still a bit bemused I think.

Its my parents Bialy, they read the Daily Mail

Sorry, I dashed off that post in a hurry - I didn't mean to sound so rude

Also sorry mis-read it as friends (thought you meant other parents iyswim).

And x-posts with ellen.

Anyway.

Firstly please don't worry too much. Whatever happens your dd is the same girl she's always been, and even if she does end up getting a 'label' of any kind it only matters in as much as it might help point you in the direction of where to look for appropriate help.

But imho (and if I was you) I wouldn't worry too much or get bogged down with looking for a label, but look at exactly what difficulties she is having, and how you can go about helping her with those - the sooner you can start helping the better.

(Eg if she needs help in interpreting 'social' language, or help in dealing with situations which may be unexpected like 'rules' being broken)

It certainly woudln't hurt in having a look at the link ellen gave, it'll definitely give you some advice. It sounds like she is finding ways herself to compensate for a slight impairment in social interaction - ie the conversation about the vase - she's obviously worked out her own way of starting conversations, which, if she does find conversation difficult is brilliant

She sounds lovely.

Does she have friends?

I think she does, we have quite a few playdates and she's going to her first sleep over on Saturday (I'm dreading it!). She always get invited to all the parties but all the parents invite everyone in the class to all parties anyway, we've all known each other for 5 years.

She seems to be ok 1 on 1 when she has friends over although she can be incredibly bossy. She gets upset a bit at school too because if she wants to do a group game but they want her to be say 'an ugly sister' rather than the princess, or a flower pot rather than the main character she sees this as them being 'nasty' rather than just wanting their own way as she wants hers.

She is lovely thank you I find her very funny.

I had a look at the link and she probably fits half the things but then the other half not [confusing] I think you're right re not labeling but rather helping her with any difficulties she has, might go search amazon for books...

And thank you for being so nice. I'm not worried exactly but it is preying on my mind a bit. Think is called for

Puffins, the cut off for possible Aspergers on that list is 15, I believe. If she scores around 15 she'd be possibly borderline Aspergers and it would be a good idea to follow it up. My DS scores 29. It's a bit tricky to score as some traits answer 'yes' and some 'no' so do ask if you aren't sure.

Hothead, it was puffin's parents that suggested that medication may be required, not the teacher.

Thanks for the win!

op, if there is the outside possibly that if your dd is indeed 'gifted' then the type of issues that concernt he teacher might be as a result of this and not ASD. it can be a really close call, and without proper testing you wouldn't be able to call it. and of course people can have rigid personality types without being either gifted or asd...

that's of course not to say that gifted kids can't have ASD. they can and do. but gifted kids can also have the traits you mention without having ASD iyswim.

there are a number of books on asd, a number on gifted kids, and a number on twice exceptional or dual diagnosis kids.

fwiw, i would be calling the school and arranging a meeting with both class teachers and the senco (and possibly the ht, as i think the ct was out of order). if the teacher genuinely suspects a spectrum disorder, then ask for your daughter to be assessed by the ed psych in the first instance (and also ask for iq testing to be completed). then if they persist with the 'poss autistic' line, you can go to gp and get referal to developmental paed, or camhs, or whoever deals with that in your area (it can vary).

she sounds just like ds1.

As said before, I think you need to look at specific problems your dd may have at home or in school. If she is a little bit quirky but this doesn't impact negatively on her life, you may not want to do anything now. However, it seems as though your daughter's teachers think she is having problems in school that could be ASD related.

Think of it this way - if your teacher said that your child was having difficulty in class but this was because she suspected she was short sighted, you would definitely take her to an optician. I know that seeking an ASD diagnosis can seem a little more loaded (and the process can be a little more painful), but if your daughter's difficulties are caused by something she can't help, rather than her just 'being difficult', she deserves to have this acknowledged.

We had the exact parents' eve you describe a few years ago and the teachers turned out to be wrong. Certainly my son does have several autistic traits, dyslexia, quirks and oddities but he does not have "significant difficulties".

I would recommend the Misdiagnosis book that Mad Woman has mentioned: books.google.co.uk/books?id=NQrtt-peg5AC&printsec=frontcover&dq=misdiagnosis+and+dual+diagnosis+gifted+children&hl=en&sa=X&ei=9DCaT_77NI6V0QXbvNH6Dg&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q=misdiagnosis%20and%20dual%20diagnosis%20gifted%20children&f=false

Puffins,

I would be seeking a referral via the GP to the developmental paediatrician re your DD. Her difficulties socially could become more marked as she becomes older and her peers could grow far less tolerant of her as a result. She is currently having great difficulty in reading social cues and cannot "read" people easily like her peers can. Look too at how she plays, is she really using imaginative play or is her play actually quite rigid in structure.

Would see a label as a signpost to getting more help, a label can open doors that will otherwise remain closed.

Re the Ed Pysch such a person cannot diagnose ASD or any other medical condition. They can only give recommendations re educational needs. Also EP time allocated to schools is extremely limited but it may help your DD further if she was observed by such a person.

Would stress she is still your lovely DD regardless of any "label" but if you have suspicions re ASD it is really in yours and her best interests to seek further help.

Never forget either that you are her best - and only - advocate here.

good post from Attila, as it shows the flipside of waiting and seeing, and not following this up. Where you choose to follow this up or not, there is never any harm in reading around the subject of Aspergers and its presentation in girls, as even if she has traits rather than having AS some of the advice may be useful. The Martian in the Playground is v good about the issues kids with autism/AS have in a school setting.

Its so confusing because she does lots that doesn't appear to be typical, and apologies if I have any of this wrong or am stereotyping, I don't know enough yet. But for instance she is very cuddly, always wants to hold hands, cuddle sit with me/on me etc. She also stares into my eyes and rubs noses and I thought, but this could just be stereotyping without any knowledge, that cuddling/eye contact etc weren't normal in this situation?

She also does lots of imagination play, building houses for her dolls and creating stories, holding imaginary tea parties etc.

Its very difficult isn't it, trying to work out what to do for the best.

I've ordered a couple of books of Amazon and will spend the next two weeks reading I think.

girls can often present quite atypically, as well.

I agree with madwoman, girls can present very differently to boys where ASD is concerned.

My Dd can give the impression of having imagination when she is playing with her playmobil but actually if you listen carefully she is retelling the story of her day. I sometimes hear her saying things that i have said.p

The holding hands and rubbing noses, sounds like my Dd3, she has no idea about personal space, she is very loving and I love her to bits but given the chance she would suffocate me and we often refer to her as a limpet.

Fwiw, i think you are lucky to find a teacher who knows enough and is brave enough to stick her neck out. She perhaps should have chosen her words a bit more carefully but she may have been stressing about mentioning it to you. Maybe you could make an appointment to see her again and have a longer chat.

Whatever you decide to do your Dd is still your lovely little girl and even if you start the assessment process you can stop it at any time and you dont have to tell anyone.

Good luck

You lot aren't helping I'm in a calm fog of pleasant denial here

Although, seriously it doesn't matter to me one way or the other whether she is or isn't on the spectrum. I just need to try to find out and discover some ways of helping her interact more positively.

And thank you for all your comments, it really is helpful to have other people's perspectives especially when they have been there themselves

Sorry Ineeda cross posted.

We call dd limpet too She's very loving, unlike dd (2) who won't even kiss goodnight

I'm very happy with the teacher too, I know it was a risk for her to say what she did but I'm glad she did definitely.

Oh yeah, missed that. But at least it was 'certainly doesn't need drugs.' I was thinking of a later post.