Misery thread - for miserable indulgence.....

[StarlightMcKenzie]

I'm in a cafe forecourt far from home, just got into trouble by the security guard for stealing the electricity for my phone.

DS has another assessment for a school which just cannot make up it's mind. We had to set off last night which meant a b&b. DS' routine is disrupted, he has a cold. He is tired. I'm tired. 16 schools in 3 weeks to fulfil tribunal deadlines. Most have rejected us. Some for needs based reasons, most ms types for funding reasons (he carries a high resource statement with the potential of an ABA tribunal win).

The ASD schools don't have appropriate peers, ABA has been too damn good too quickly. The SALT schools are wary of his ASD.

He's being assessed by a SALT SS I'd like to accept him. If they don't I'll cry in despair. If they do I'll cry in despair at having to relocate to a LA closer to it within 2 weeks taking into account the likely school that dd will end up in, not to mention the commute for DH.

The assessment today means my attendance rate at a course I have been on for two years will not be enough to pass. It is no good begging for special circumstances as they have already been lenient and a baby in June means I can promise nothing.

I am so very very tired and miserable........

:(

Oh Starlight...and on top of that you had to meet a jobsworth Security guard. I am so sorry.

It's okay. I'm gonna get a mcdonalds (for better or worse) and then plug my phone back in. What's he gonna do - call the police?

I'd like to see him try! Oh I could just do with a McDonalds!

Oh Star.

the darkest hour is before dawn.

I have been exactly where you are - it is no fun at all. and the logistics of trying to get everyone else sorted too really make your head spin.

it will work out. we live somewhere we owuldn't have chosen, and dd2 goes to a school we would not (necessarily) have chosen. it has worked ok.

I hope today goes well. the school are good, and do thorough assessments.

dd will be ok. dh will manage the commute.

I am sorry about your course - I too am slipping too far behind, and cannot postpone as can't see me managing any better with a newborn.

you will get through this - you know you will. I hope you get through it as smoothly as possible.

I suppose he coukd escort me off the premises but it is a long way to the exit and he'd have to deal with a howling woman and listen to my life story.....

I suspect as soon as you started retelling your life story, loudly so all around could hear, he might lose interest in escorting you anywhere.

Would you have to move to get into a different LA, is to too far for ds to "commute" with transport?

Thanks Silverfrog, your recent cheerleading posts have really helped!

Perhaps I'm falling apart because then end is in sight and offers hope even if hard won.

I feel like I want to sleep for a year!

I did have a really big cry, which lasted for days after I got ds school sorted...have to start the fight again in 18months....feel sinking feeling already.

Yes it is too far. Picking a LA is also tricky as we can afford the LA that the school is in (well in the dodgy parts) but it won't be a sensible choice to take on in tribunal.

hope is the cruellest emotion.

you are so close, and then you still don't dare hope (not fully).

a small catious word of warning (sorry ot be pessimistic, but hopefully forewarned is forearmed) - it was after it was all settled that I fell apart. because I was still wound up to fight, the fight was finished, my life was a mess - new house, new area, knowing no one - certainly no one who would 'get' my backstory. it was harder, in a way (although at least the most important bit was sorted)

keep battling, for just a little longer. it will all work out - and you will have a lovely snuggly baby to carry you through the next bit. try to make some space for you all as a family - we didn't, and it took it's toll.

It is all so difficult, I felt like I was having to favour one child over another, which was not the case, but that guilt we carry around with us.....is monumental.

That's very wise SF and tbh I think I have figured already that that might happen. I don't think I have processed my fathers death yet as have been far too busy to.

I didn't have to move and it still happened to me. I am sorry about your loss.

a cyber hug for a lady who inspired me in my own darkest hour to keep plodding away!

Please don't let some insignificant lil jobsworth throw you off your game so close to the finish line. Ask the worm if he knows how to deliver a preterm baby and contact help by telepathy (beng gobbier than these pathetic cowards works most times I find). "Homunculus" is a lovely word for muttering under the breath at ignorant petty irritants.

You will get there, and you will get the space you need to mourn your father + regain some semblance of normal family life. I'm not sure who said it's a marathon and the powers that be rely on an individual parent not having enough endurance to stay the course of crap they throw at us - it's sooo true.

If there is anything you need us to do (research etc) to help ease your load a little please don't hestitate to holler. Know that we are all gunning for you.

Oh Starlight! I'm so sorry to hear your situation - I've found great inspiration and learnt so much from your posts, lurking here for the last year. I'm very sad to hear the difficult place you are in, and how frustrating that it impacts on your course after 2 years - that feels so hard on top of everything else. I am also feeling extremely weary today, but now feel lucky I'm not being hassled for 'stealing' electricity too.... Thinking of you and your family.

I wish I had the right words to cheer you up and tell you it's all going to be ok..but all I can say it's I'm sorry to hear all that and sending you and virtual hug!

Being pregnant on it's own it's hard and you have 2 other children, was there not long ago...

All I can say I live by the moto, all bad things happen for a very good reason meaning you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Hope your DS gets in the best school that offers the best support in place and that tribunal in few weeks works out in your favour.

Ps...and don't forget it's ok to be miserable. Be kind to yourself!

Thank everyone. Didn't go AWOL just had phone in illegal socket

Off to school to get verdict. Don't even know what I'm wishing for tbh.

Good luck, Starlight. kwym wrt not knowing what outcome you are hoping for. a whole new meaning to 'between a rock and a hard place'

hope mini-starlight has had a good morning, and I hope the time between now and tribunal can pass as smoothly as possible.

this no-mans land will end. and some decisions will have to be taken. the relief when they have been taken (even if they are compromise decisions) is akin to the relief back at the start of this whole ASD journey - you rememebr that floundering feeling? and then you came onto MNSN, and read a bit, and took the plunge into doing something - remember how that felt? terrifying because you didn't know whether you were making the right decision, but empowering because you were deciding, not sitting about on endless waiting lists?

it's similar - the decision wil be made, and you will go about putting the next steps into place.

it's the waiting and not knowing, and being undecided that is the killer.

(((hugs))) Starlight. I've got no wise words, but I can hold your hand.

How did it go star?

Accepted! Good grief!

Congratulations Star... I have been lurking on this board for a while and followed your threads with interest.
I am in awe of what you guys have achieved with your children against all odds. You are certainly one of those people who are an inspiration to us.

Well done for getting mini star accepted and enjoy it now. The rest will fall into place one way or another.

(Goes back to lurking.......)