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SN children

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Original poster

I have no understanding of this

89 replies

TheOriginalFAB · 14/10/2011 16:38

My son is 10 and we have had to remove him from school because of continuing bullying and 2 physical attacks by a boy is is statemented. The school will not exclude him. They will send him home a few minute early when the helper also leaves but reckon they can monitor him all the time he is at school, ie right next to him. No one was next to him when we saw him this morning. Why is it that his right to an education comes before my son's right not to be physically attacked at school? I really do not understand it.

My other son has additional needs but was dealth with swiftly and fairly when he pushed a child over. This boy has hurt my son much more seriously and yet we have had to take our child out because they say they can't remove the child who is volatile and unpredictable.

I just do not understand it and I am devastated that my child has to change schools now.

OP posts:

abendbrot · 15/10/2011 01:33

LIZS - statemented children are regularly being excluded from school, happens all the time. FAB you can't call for another child to be excluded - SEN or no SEN.

Frequently what happens is that disabled children develop behavioural problems that are exacerbated by subliminal bullying and exclusion within the school - social exclusion. Happened to my dd when she was 5. Fortunately she learned very young to not worry about being left out. She is self-sufficient and resilient. But it didn't stop a few parents complaining because she was hitting their kids (who were leaving her out etc). Schools need to deal with behavioural problems by getting to the root cause of it or something has to give.

If you can't change the school, leave and write a big stinking letter with details to the local authority and the local government ombudsman. This will benefit the disabled children as much as your own.

Original poster

TheOriginalFAB · 15/10/2011 10:49

abendbrot - the child who was hurting my son is not disabled and there is a group of several children who have admitted they pick on him for "fun."

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abendbrot · 15/10/2011 11:09

I thought he has a statement? And it's not just the one child that is bullying but several - perhaps that's why they can't single the one out and exclude him? I need to read your posts again, I'm confused now.

Disabled means having a long-term impairment that affects your ability to do normal things in the normal way. Whether physical or sensory etc etc.

Original poster

TheOriginalFAB · 15/10/2011 11:27

Oh, I see. I was meaning he isn't physically disabled. I misunderstood. I don't know what his problem is and it isn't any of my business.

School have moved my child to sit under the teachers nose, but not the bullies.

School has offered to move my child to another class away from his friends but not move the bullies.

We are focussing on this one child becayse his violence has escalated each time he has hurt my son and school are unable to control him as he ran off. His needs aren't being met either if he can turn like that and become very cross/upset/volatile/violent.

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MadameSin · 16/10/2011 22:30

You must write to the Chair of Governors. LEA may not entertain you unless you've been through the 'right' procedure. Your school will have a policy in place for complaints - go on their website and download a copy if you can. Do yourself a favour and follow them .... Unfortunately, you are dealing with total bureaucracy At the end of the day, it will probably come down to funding. The fact that it's easier and cheaper for the LEA (not necessarily right) for you to remove your child

Original poster

TheOriginalFAB · 17/10/2011 08:01

Letters are written and waiting to go out.
The school has a new website and has removed all bullying and complaints policies .
We have made the decision to take DS1 out and won't go back on that, we just hope that by doing all these letters, etc will mean another child won't be assaulted by this child.

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Peachy · 17/10/2011 08:42

I am suspecting that child may be a case where there is involvement of other kinds- they may not wish to exclude him because he is significantly at risk at home. I've only encountered it once or twice but not only does it happen, the child who bullies is more likely to be from that sort of background (not definitely: ds1 isn't !)

I know when ds1 was in MS Juniors he never really got any punishments and it used to frustrate me: same for the other kids mind, AFAICS the ones who ran the racket to extort his lunch money and the ones who left shoe bruises on his legs got away scott free, as did he (from school anyway) when he hurt people- we used to get frustrated and wish they would exclude him, didn't exactly back up our 'cut it out or else!' line if school would shrug and say 'Oh ds1 now go play nice' did it?

I am aware of a child in an SN Base (socially, no confidentiality risk!) whose mother refuses to accept his Sn so refuses to pick up / lodges a formal complaint about every exclusion. Indeed despite the fact that he absolutely terrorises the place- school is one of choice for the more vulnerable gentle children such as ds3- and his aggression has police out frequently she refuses to accept it. * Could be one of those cases as well. In which case writing to LEA / Governors is absolutely the best you can do.

I hope you get some resolution FAB, I know for me just being able to look at DS1 and say 'I have taken this up because I think you deserve to be safe' was important. I think by the time he left as well they were getting it, just too late.

*She is a teacher; how scary is that? She allowed her son at a SN group to swear at ds3 and call him all sorts including stupid a metre in front of her and just shrugged her shoulders while I told him off. Cheers love!

Pagwatch · 17/10/2011 09:01

It is incredibly difficult. DS2 goes to a special school and we still had difficulties when another child attacked and frightened him. And both of them have statements.

Fortunately the school are very focussed about this and the boy was given one to one support in the form of the biggest bloke in the school stuck to him from arrival to home time. But special schools have staff available. Mainstream schools don't have that level of trained available staff.

But it is nowt to do with statement.

Original poster

TheOriginalFAB · 17/10/2011 09:23

I just want to say again I have no wish to upset anyone by posting in this topic and am not SN-ist. I am just very upset and this morning has been awful. DS2 refused to go to school and when we did finally get theire the group of bullies and one mother looked at us, (dc2 and me), saw I didn't have DS1 with me and started laughing . Not a word from the teacher, head or deputy even though they all saw me in the playground.

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Peachy · 17/10/2011 09:31

Well at a guess I would say that I may well have been bang on that that child can't be suspended due to SSD involvement / unsafe home then. If that is what parent is like.

I'd pity the child but that's just me, too soft for own good.

Post the letters etc then get the hell out of there. But don't blame the SN System, blame the school and parents.

Original poster

TheOriginalFAB · 17/10/2011 09:38

Just to confirm, the parent who laughed is not the mother of the child with the statement but the mother of another child who has kicked ds1 and said vile things to him.

I am not blaming the SN System, I am trying to understand why his right to be at this school appears to trump DS1's right to be safe in school.

I have to leave my other 2 children there and I am devastated about that.

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Pagwatch · 17/10/2011 09:38

If it is of any comfort at all you haven't upset me.

I too blame the school.

Original poster

TheOriginalFAB · 17/10/2011 09:41

Thanks Pag.

I am just so upset.

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Pagwatch · 17/10/2011 09:41

The system would not 'trump' this boy over your son.

The schools failure to deal with it properly is at fault here. Not the system or actually the other boy.

The child that hurt my son lacks the ability to control himself. That is not his fault. It is up to the school to manage that.

Pagwatch · 17/10/2011 09:42

X-posted.

Of course you are. Seeing my son frightened and having to take him to school anyway was bloody awful. Of course you are upset.

Original poster

TheOriginalFAB · 17/10/2011 09:43

I don't blame the boy at all but the system is wrong when the victim is moved to the front of the class, singled out and then pushed out of school. I would give anything to be able to remove all the kids but we just can't afford to send them all to the new school.

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Peachy · 17/10/2011 09:49

Technically there's no trump, but schools can be a law unto themselves and there could be a safeguarding issue. However that does not help you? I'd be spitting feathers if I were you; of course you are upset. It's the system in the school though, nothing wider than that.

Other mum sounds a right piece of work.

And no upset here either, don't worry.

Original poster

TheOriginalFAB · 17/10/2011 10:10

Thank you Peachy.

I just can't understand how they can let a child go who has never put a foot wrong in school.

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LIZS · 17/10/2011 16:12

because they think you'll go quietly whereas the others... well, the mother laughing kind of says it all :( do you have a back up plan for your other dc because I can't see how you can sustain a relationship of trust with a school whih has let you and ds1 down so badly.

Original poster

TheOriginalFAB · 17/10/2011 16:18

for my dd.

The statemented child saw her today and said "ha ha your brother isn't in school any more."

DS2 has had a sad face on his chart as he had forgotten his brother wasn't there and then remembered he wasn't .

I am not sure how much more I can take.

We just can't afford for them all to go to the independent school but I will not leave dd and ds2 there if things get worse.

Thank you all for the support. I can't express how much it means to me.

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Peachy · 17/10/2011 16:41

Just a thought

and you I might be way off key ehre

but would it be worth calling LEA, saying you cannot keep your chidlren ehre as a result of the Head's actions and WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?

I know that LEA intervention is what scares a HT; our last one (who was A.Cow) was talked into an early retirement by them.

A regime change seems to be what the school needs; and a formal complaint is LEA is the way to start that.

Original poster

TheOriginalFAB · 17/10/2011 16:52

Funnily enough the head is going in April and the head of infants told us to hold on until then!!

The letters to the LEA are going out tomorrow I think now and we will add in the bit about the child saying that to DD as well.

I just feel lost and I can't understand why we have to be the ones to move.

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Original poster

TheOriginalFAB · 17/10/2011 16:56

The school will know we have written a letter to the Head of the Governors as we handed in the letter today for them to give it to her tomorrow.

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Peachy · 17/10/2011 16:58

I can understand that FAB

I might be putting my own emotions on to you ehre but I've had a situation this past week and the thing that has bothered me so much is the why part; until I grasped that I felt I was all at sea.

I honestly think that this is either a CP case in which you will never know, or a shit head. I hope the latter.

Original poster

TheOriginalFAB · 17/10/2011 17:03

We were told the child wouldn't remember the next day what he had done the previous day but he is clever enough to wait until the helper has gone home before he hurts my child and to seek out his sister to say that too. That mother really annoyed me today but it doesn't surprise me. I suspect the school are scared of her.

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