Siblings

[sazale]

hi
I've posted on here a few times about my DD aged 12 who is currently undergoing assessment for Aspergers/SPD/dyspraxia and also has difficulty with the muscles in her legs (tightness) and over pronation(sp?). She has been school refusing and her anxiety is through the roof. She has constant meltdowns over anything that is said to her and outings are a nightmare with arguments and refusals to walk.

I also have 2 younger sons aged 4 and 10. The 4 year old has final consonant deletion issues which is improving. He has been having nightmares and has developed new fears. He follows me everywhere! This change in behaviour occurred at the same time as the return to school. He has gone full time at school but appears to love it. My DD however does not! She often takes her temper out on him and criticises him a lot so I'm thinking that his behaviour is a knock on effect of her increased anxiety.

My 10 year old has been in trouble at school for answering back and being arrogant. He is normally lovely lad who is mature and caring but if he has worries he takes them to school, not me, because he thinks I have enough to deal with. The thing is he acts up instead of telling people. I spoke to him about his behaviour and he started crying saying that he feels so angry so when other kids and teachers do/say things it irritates him. He says he tries to stay out of the way at home because of all the shouting and volatile behaviour from his sister. I told school there was difficulties at home previously so should be aware of it. My partner is going to go and speak to his teacher about it tomorrow but I wondered if there is any support that he can receive and us as a family? We are all at crisis point I believe and I don't know how much longer this can realistically go on for?

I've thought about contacting social services but not convinced it would be helpful. CAMHS worker said he was going to see if could see psychiatrist about anxiety whilst waiting for ADOS, but I don't think he will and all they would do would prescribe something which I'm unsure about at such a young age. Any ideas/advice chaps?

Cheers

Sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time. I would definitely try to get medical help here.

Ime it is highly unlikely that a psychiatrist would want to go down the prescription route with your ds- these days they are very concerned about possible side effects in such a young body and the medicines they are allowed to prescribe for under-15s are very limited indeed. So what CAHMS would do would almost certainly be some kind of counselling, possibly CBT therapy to help him keep his anxiety under control.

We have a situation that sounds quite similar to you: two dcs suffering from disability/health problems and anxiety, and going through phases where they take it out on each other.

Ds (hypermobility syndrome and anxiety/low mood) was seen by CAHMS last year: he had a term of counselling sessions and cheered up considerably after that; I think all he needed was a safe space to talk and maybe some tips on how to handle his emotions.

Dd (hypermobility syndrome, anxiety disorder, panic attacks, occasional self harming) has been struggling for years and has been having regular CAHMS sessions for over a year. We mentioned medication over a year ago, but CAHMS are still working on exploring other avenues and having spoken to their doctor we understand their thinking and agree with them. At the moment it is very much about teaching her techniques to handle anxiety.

Thanks for your reply. It's so hard to know what to do for the best. I think my 10 year old would benefit from counselling sessions to help him deal with his frustrations. My 12 year old DD def needs support with her anxiety but CAMHS only seem to be focusing on the diagnosis route. If I go to GP they just say to speak to CAMHS ggrrrr! I think it's time to play hard ball and contact the person above the CAMHS worker (she used to be DD worker till was promoted and was very helpful) Wish me luck!!

Hi sazale.
Just wondered if there is a Young Carers group in your area that your DS could go to. I always thought that these groups were only for children looking after sick/disabled parents, but in many places the groups include children who are in a 'care' environment where they don't get as much attention as they should because a sibling is ill or has a disability. They are often a good place to meet other children who are in the same situation an who understand what the child is going through and they sometimes have fun days out as a treat.
I know the Red Cross run them in some areas and in our area a 'Siblings' group has been set up under the 'Short Breaks' Initiative. Ask around - possibly your Disabled Childrens Team will know or Family Information Service (linked to Local Authority usually).

Good thinking, bigbluebus! I'm going to a drop in session about Aiming High for Disabled Children tomorrow morning, as my DD has just been accepted on to the short breaks provision, so I'll ask while I'm there about support for my son. I've been looking at counselling but the mind services in our area only cover some primary schools and his isn't one of them! Not been able to speak to his teacher as was in training all day. I think I might put a letter together explaining so it goes on his record and then it's harder for them to "forget"!