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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

Grandparents in denial about asd

79 replies

MangoMonster · 15/09/2011 19:35

anyone had family who refuse to accept a dx and still think your being neurotic? My parents basically think there's nothing different about ds and the doctors and I am wrong and stressing over nothing. Starting VB soon and I know they are going to have problems with being consistent as they want to indulge him at every opportunity and they are not very open minded and are very prone to sensitivity. Live very very close to them...

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StarlightMcKenzie · 15/09/2011 21:25

Basically, your disability is because you are BAD, or have been too much in touch with the material and physical world during early childhood, or played with something plastic, or watched too much tv etc.

Your disability reflects your personality. So if something doesn't 'work' then that is because it is BAD.

lifesamerrygoround · 15/09/2011 21:25

My mum is the same. DS just got diagnois today of DCD after a few years of appointments here there and everywhere. Back then when DCD was suspected, my mums response was exactly the same! You will not believe me but she asked "will he have to go to a special needs school". When I told her no its unlikely her response was "oh thats the main thing". I was sooo cross. I couldnt care less what school he goes to as long as he gets the right support. MIL likes to say "in my day", God I hate that phrase! lol

StarlightMcKenzie · 15/09/2011 21:26

You ARE teaching ds yourself, but you're hiring advice and training about his specific difficulties. You are managing his intervention and his learning.

Original poster

MangoMonster · 15/09/2011 21:28

Thats some heavy s**t and you have my upmost sympathy. Ok I do feel better! Ha ha. Seriously though, how ridiculous and awful.

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Original poster

MangoMonster · 15/09/2011 21:33

lifesamerry my parents won't even consider special school. I've tried to mention it's not a shock if it should happen. But basically they put their fingers in their eyes and hum the same old tune...

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StarlightMcKenzie · 15/09/2011 21:34

Yes, - see, you could have THOSE living next door.

Luckily for me, they couldn't be further away - literally. And all I have to contend with is the odd kind note suggesting that it might help ds if we moved further away from the bad energy of London - and knitted soft toys with leaves stuffed in them.

Original poster

MangoMonster · 15/09/2011 21:34

Ears not eyes... Stupid phone...

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StarlightMcKenzie · 15/09/2011 21:36

lifesamerry, sorry to hear your news too.

I know neither you nor Mag actually WANT to join us (hey I know it isn't personal) but the people here are fantastic and will be able to help signpost you.

Original poster

MangoMonster · 15/09/2011 21:37

star that's hilarious. Reminds me of when my dps uncle who is catholic wanted me and dp (not married but committed) to go to a talk about natural contraception. I nearly died of shame, so glad he didn't actually mention it to my face. This was after ds too!

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lifesamerrygoround · 15/09/2011 21:42

StarlightMcKenzie - I feel better too lol How do you put up listening to that!

StarlightMcKenzie · 15/09/2011 21:43

LOL how embrassing.

StarlightMcKenzie · 15/09/2011 21:43

Well Australia is a long way away and expensive to phone

StarlightMcKenzie · 15/09/2011 21:45

oh, and dd has received a couple of dolls without faces , to stimulate her imagination, and because faces are evil. Also football is evil because you have to kick a ball, and balls are round like heads.......

I could go on forever, but then I'd hijack your thread.......

coff33pot · 15/09/2011 21:54

Star have I hit planet Zog??? Balls are like heads? Dont crack and egg then for goodness sake

Buy a shredder guys.......its great. You just write down what you would LIKE to say and then.......slowly.......watch it disapear amongst the sharp blades muahahaha

Bit like............sticking your fingers in your ears and saying "I cant hear you LALALALALALA"

StarlightMcKenzie · 15/09/2011 21:58

I don't care about the nonsense EXCEPT when it relates to ds' disability. The implied causes and solutions are offensive.

lifesamerrygoround · 15/09/2011 22:02

mangomonster - makes you mad doesnt it! Doesnt matter how your child can thrive at a special school, its all about them you see. lol
starlight - thank goodness they are far away lol ive a friend, not so bad but "goes on about the mast close to house, talks about bad energy and effects of electric appliances. i switch off tbh. its not my cuppa tea, but i still love her to bits regardless of her madness

Original poster

MangoMonster · 15/09/2011 22:03

I know it's bad but I feel so much better! Although, let's hope I don't take it too far and laugh at an inopportune moment while trying to smooth it over tomorrow! I'm fucked either way, they just don't get it! Need to take my dps advice and ignore them, be stronger.

You know when someone just presses your buttons and tries to take you down... I get confrontational, always have done. Used to think it was survival and it's served me well until now, but this is different, not about me anymore. Will have to become buddist.

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Original poster

MangoMonster · 15/09/2011 22:05

Oh god! lifesamerry, we have mobile phone mast next door and ds plays with my dps iPhone... Apparently that must be the cause...

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lifesamerrygoround · 15/09/2011 22:06

youve really cheered me up starlight. i love the football comment!!

Original poster

MangoMonster · 15/09/2011 22:08

star don't worry about hijacking, i've said my piece and you've all really cheered me up!

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StarlightMcKenzie · 15/09/2011 22:10

I think your parents also feel guilt. They love you, and they worry that they may have passed down some genetic thing that is giving you the stress that you have now. They also don't want to believe that it could be a possibility.

My mum has berated herself over and over again for allowing me to grow up thinking outside the box on many ocassions and doing things a bit differently. She thinks that my desire for a midwife-led birth rather than consultant-led in a hospital is what caused my ds' disability and that my choice to give birth that way was her fault.

They have their own journey of acceptance to go down, and they probably will do it, but as I said before, they have the luxury of time. You simply can't stand still.

Incidently, I read some research a while back (sorry no linky) that suggested the best outcomes for children with any type of disabilty was heavily linked to parental acceptance. That does NOT mean reduced expectations however. It means that the parents that accepted the fastest, got an action plan the fastest. You're not doing too bad.

lifesamerrygoround · 15/09/2011 22:12

no mango, but theres nothing wrong. They dont have asd/dcd etc. were just keeping the professionals in a job lol
starlight- must admit its funny to hear what they are coming off with, but if I had to listen to that directed at me, i wouldnt be responsible for my actions!

StarlightMcKenzie · 15/09/2011 22:19

You know what though? They're really nice people. I mean seriously, they take the time to knit toys for my children and find whatever essential leaf is required to fend off bad spirits, to stuff it with.

I've never knitted a toy for their child, nor trampled around in the forest for them out of love.

Original poster

MangoMonster · 15/09/2011 22:21

That's the thing, everyone's journey to acceptance is different and personal. I've always been a realist which is maybe why I find it easier. Dp trusts me so he is getting there too but my parents still see me as child... Not much trust and belief in me. I know it will all work out ok. I know I haven't broken it to them gently... Not my way. Perhaps it was wrong. Tbh i don't have energy to worry about them right now, they are adults, although I wish I did and had done everything perfectly.

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Original poster

MangoMonster · 15/09/2011 22:26

star you're right, you're relatives obviously care. Guess you have to be thankful for that, as I should be. My are in their 70's, maybe I'm being too harsh. It's probably hit them harder than me. I will try to make an effort to seem less stressed and more upbeat.

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