Girls who may have Asperge Syndrome

[Zara21]

Hello everyone im devasted that my daughter who is 6 going onto 7yrs old has been diagnosed with Asperge. Im not sure why im so upset its just this is very new to me, I never heard about it. I have been reassured that its a good thing because she may become very intelligent. Right now she never picks up what the teacher talks about in the class room but manages alright by herself.

It's neither a good thing, nor a bad thing. It's just her. The same DD you've loved and looked after all your life.

But the diagnosis may help school to teach her better, may give them ideas about what she struggles with and how they can help her.

It may too help you to find out why she finds some things hard.

She may be intelligent - she may not. It's not part of the syndrome as such. Although it is true that she may be very intelligent and you and school haven't noticed it because of other things getting in the way....

Everyone is devastated when they first get a diagnosis.

Her life will be different than if she didn't have Aspergers. Not better or worse, but certainly different.

Must be a shock for you, takes a while to get your head around.

www.autism.org.uk/ - has some good starter info on aspergers and I'm sure there will be people here who have experience of it, that will be able to help you.

Hi Zara - Your reaction is quite normal when you didn't expect this. Is this an official medical diagnosis or just a suspicion by school or the educational psychologist? If not official at this stage then the next thing would be to see your GP and ask for a referral to a developmental paediatrician. In time it will not worry you so much and you will realise that a diagnosis will serve to help you access the right help for her. She is still the same girl you had before you knew this.

I would highly recommend the book by Tony Attwood "A complete guide to Asperger's syndrome". It will help you to understand a lot about how your daughter thinks and views the world. She sounds a lot like my daughter (same age, just 7) who is in the process of diagnosis for suspected Aspergers (you may also see this referred to as higher functioning autism...for the most part they are similar and HFA may replace Asperger's as an official diagnosis in the future).

What are school doing to help her with her classroom issues? I would talk to them and ensure that they are meeting her needs, talk to professionals about what they feel her needs are and consider applying for a statement of special educational need if you feel she is needing more support in school than they are able to provide. What school say/do and what she needs will not always be the same thing. Don't let them fob you off saying she will not qualify for a statement if you feel that she needs more help. IPSEA is a good website to look up for advice on this, and tonnes of help on here too if you post.

My daughter has Asperger's Syndrome.

My advice would be to find out as much as you can about AS. The more you know the more you will be able to help your daughter. The best source will ALWAYS be other parents with children with AS. You should speak to as many parents as you can. AS is quite a complicated thing to truly get your head around.

The fact that your daughter is able to understand things by herself but not from the teacher is a sign that she is struggling with the school/classroom enviroment. This is not an uncommon problem for kids with AS. Children with AS are likely to feel anxiety/stress far more easily that other kids. The key is to find the environment that reduces this stress/anxiety.

Schools can help but only if they truly understand the needs of the child with AS - and these will vary from child to child. It is important that the school has a real commitment to helping those with AS - and this usually starts right at the top - ie the Head Teacher.

Yes this is official, our school teacher noticed that my daughter would start daydreaming in class during topics and she always needed extra help in doing her work, but found that she was really inteligent and was able but would never start the class work herself, she needed reasurance and after the teacher explaning on a one to one basis she then would get on with it. So we went to our GP and he reffered us to CAMHS and they told us after alot of sessions that she has Asperge Syndrome. My daughter has become very frustrated lately which leads to tantrums, its always at home but never in school. Our school im sure will sort something out hopefully as when the educational needs get involved. My daughter wont go to any birthday party's and does not care to invited anyone over to our home, its a lovely school but she does not get involved with anyone, she likes to be a loner. I just been recommended a book called

Aspergirls: Empowering Females With Asperger Syndrome by Rudy Simmons

Apparently this book helps us Females to understand our girls alot more because they are very different to the boys symtoms. I havent read it all yet but I can deffinately relate most things to my girl so far. The book starts from when she was young and different.

Does anyone's daughter love non fiction than fiction, love encyclopaedia?s, loves animals and cant get off computers. Thats whats so different about mine. My other daughter is totally opposite she loves all the things that my daughter with AS hates. But thankfully they get on so well and play very well together with their imagination play using princess's and fictional characters. It's really funny watching them.

Zara21 Just finished reading Aspergirls book, got it from public library. Absolutely loved it as an introduction because it is written by aspergers girls, particularly explaining how everyone is very different. Your daughter will be such an asset to you and society. School sounds good.

I have three Aspies here.
DD3, who has written about having A.S./ADHD/Sensory Processing etc on Mumsnet, is still, at 15 far more interested in non fiction. She does read a bit of fiction now, but much prefers factual books, about animals in the main, snakes in particular. She is very logical, loves computers and anything techie in the house is sorted by her in seconds flat.

Having AS is, in this house regarded as a positive thing. Good luck!

Hi Dawndonna, did you realise they had Asperge from a very young age? And did they manage ok in school? You see I never noticed a thing, I mean she was different and has a unique style in dress sense kind of funky and cool. She really tall than all the kids in her year. She does not enjoy doing homework and when she finally does she does it so quick and is really great at it, but finds it boring. I find it hard to motivate her. She is only 7 now and enjoys Shania Twain, pink and Mamma Mia's movie sound track. She does not enjoy things that are for her age.

How was it with friends in school (did other kids play with yours?

Lordy me! Okay, they are twins and very different. DD1 is very routine and very, very bright. She has had difficulties at school, as did her twin, but a change of school sorted that. They are at high school now, and luckily, it's fantastic. They both had problems understanding friendships, particularly reciprocation, eg. If someone compliments them, they see it as fact, so don't think to say Thanks or to compliment in return. DD1 is very motivated and perhaps a little too competitive. She has trouble with eye contact, she has some tics, and hates being told off. She will always comply, even if it's the wrong thing to do.
DD2 is almost the opposite. She too has difficulty with eye contact and with friendships, she tends to be friends with people older than her, and you can almost guarantee that she will be friends with the 'wrong' people, eg. those more likely to manipulate, lead her on, etc. She isn't into competition, she has a huge fear of failure so doesn't try rather than attempt to try and fail. She too is very bright, but easily distracted.

We did pick up on it early, but then DH is Aspie as was my father.
If the homework is boring, get them to challenge her further with extension work. It's not hothousing, it's encouraging.

Hi Zara,

re your comment:-

"My daughter has become very frustrated lately which leads to tantrums, its always at home but never in school. Our school im sure will sort something out hopefully as when the educational needs get involved".

Many children whose needs are not met in school act as your DD is doing with regards to school and home; the first sentence here is typical. They bottle up all their frustrations of the school day and then take that out on their nearest and dearest at home.

I would not count on school actually doing anything proactive; you are her best - and only - advocate here. You as her mum are truly in the best position to fight her corner for her because frankly no-one else will.

I would apply for a Statement on her behalf to the LEA asap; she will continue to struggle at school unless her needs are fully met there (and they are not being met currently). In the meantime I would speak to the SENCO at her school and ensure she is on their special needs register; they need to know about her diagnosis. Also she should be on School Action Plus as outside agencies have diagnosed her.

www.ipsea.org.uk is a good website re the minefield that is the statementing process.

Hi Zara, i have a dd who is 7, she was diagnosed at the age of 4 with AS, we started the diagnosis process when she was 2, when the paed mentioned AS i had never heard of it but as soon as i looked it up on the net i knew she had it (shame it took so long for us to get it in writing). Dd1 does well at school and so far has not had any extra help, she's working 2 years above her age group but she struggles a little with the social side of things, we have just moved her to another school and she's finding it hard to make friends, she can be very bossy and gets upset if people wont play the games she likes (which is why making friends is hard). We get a few tantrums at home and she is very verbal (talks like a 12 year old). Dd1 has not got a statment and at the moment i feel she does not need one, she's doing well and she's happy (most of the time).

Thanks to all of you for the replies, im very gratefull and am starting to feel better. I've got over the crying and now should have to get on with it. It sounds like its not so bad after all, I just need to understand all of it to help my dd as much as possible.

Thanks again to all the lovely replies, it really does help to talk about it.

xx

Hi Zara. I'm a mum, and I have a diagnosis of Asperger syndrome (now really just called autism). Hasn't stopped me having a lovely marriage (dh is on the autism spectrum too) or a fantastic ds who's now 18 (how did that happen!), or a job I enjoy or friends. But it did mean I had to find some different ways round things.
I have the usual three difficulties - I need to know what's going to happen that day. I can't read body language so make all sorts of social mistakes. I have sensory problems so I can hear, taste, smell, see and sense far too much information all day every day and get totally exhausted from it. As long as I can pace myself and be with supportive people, I'm fine.