Asperger's girl - anyone else with late diagnosis in teens??

[Triathlonwannabe]

DD now nearly 17 -we've always known there was something not right, she doesn't get irony, jokes, very young for her age, ultra-senstive to tight clothes, sudden noises etc etc. but she has coped ok as she always had one or two "maternal" friends who looked after her.

She went to a new school for 6th form, where it has all fallen apart, she is seen as "weird", and has rock bottom self-confidence, grades have plummeted, eating habits becoming very odd, tears every night. Suddenly showed up all her funny ways and I started searching online - when I found description of girls with Asperger's, late diagnosis etc. everything fitted - many of the article were like reading a description of somone who had met dd.

As usual in a crisis, I have ordered books off Amazon, but am not sure what to do next - do I talk to her, would it be a relief to have a reason, or would it destroy her if I suggested it, shoudl we approach GP (pretty hopeless, I'm not hopeful), should I just read books and follow help without saying anything???

Any comments gratefully received; I am feeling really lost.

Not the same situation at all because it was obvious there was something going on with DS from a young age, but he didn't get the diagnosis until he was 13.

It was a massive relief to him, he knew he was different, he could see it and it was massively affecting his self-esteem. He thought he was useless :( He found to be told that he has AS and that's why he does some of the things he does and finds some things difficult that other people don't even have to think about a huge confidence booster, he's read up on it, he's now met other people with it and is quite happy that he's not broken, just wired a bit differently - and completely normal for him.

It is difficult to get a DX when a child is older. A lot of GPs take the view that if the child has made it that far they must be okay - which is of course complete nonsense.

Difficult to know whether to say anything to her - I know I have been through that decision with my DD. In the end she started to suspect AS and we ended up discussing it. She made the decision to go for a DX.

Regardless of the DX - if you are fairly sure it is AS then do your research - best source will always be other parents. My daughter did her A levels in a college - which she coped with much better than she had coped with a school - the environemnt is usually a little more AS friendly.

I think you need to talk to your DD about all of this first and see how she feels. I would start with just talking about being upset, things not going well in school and see how she is reacting to your chat. Suggest to her that it is not her fault and see what sort of response you get from there and if/when it seems right start to mention you have been reading some things and wondered if she felt she identified with any of the things you have been reading about. If she does and then wants to take things further then a trip to the GP to start the ball rolling for referral and look at getting a diagnosis. If it does turn out you are right and a diagnosis is made it will hopefully give her confidence and realise there is good reason for things being the way they are and she can start to look at coping strategies. It will also help her immensely if she goes on to college/uni as they can put in place support measures for her too if her needs are clearly known.
Just take it slowly with her though, let her kind of lead you as to when she is ready to move onto the next bit. It could be quite a shock to her too.

my 17 yr old has just been dx with hfasd, she was dx 3 times in the past but dx was withdrawn after days every other time as the ppl who did dx didn't agree, one said she had asd and the other said no, so we got left in limbo with education, as dd couldn't cope with m/s school, she got statement at 13yrs and went to ss, we had to move county when she was 14, this lea wouldn't give my dd any education without dx, so we had to go on a waiting list to be assessed again and she got dx 2 weeks ago.

I read Freaks, geeks and Aspergers syndrome, written by a 14 yr old boy. Not the same I know but in it he says that he wishes he had been told about his AS because he knew he was different but didn't have a name for it.

I know your Dd doesn't have a dx but if she is distressed surely it would be better to talk about your thoughts with her.

I have 3 Dd's Dd1 is somewhere on the spectrum but no DX and struggles with many day to day issues such as money and organisation.

Dd2 is NT and Dd3 is currently being assessed for AS, we use lots of ASD strategies with Dd3 even though she has no DX.

Dd1's teenage years were very difficult mainly due to her complete lack of empathy and Theory of Mind.

I really feel for you and your Dd but think you need to do some reading and then tak with her about her issues.

Good luck and welcome to the board.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/1221026-whats-the-point-in-diagnosing-AS-at-18

i've posted about this previously above.

the girl is doing really well and i must say i really admire her and her parents for being so open about it. they didn't need to be. it's not very obvious.