Any solutions or ideas for this problem very welcome

[Claw3]

Ds has been getting in trouble at playtime literally every day, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day, for various things and then getting a 'detention' and having to miss his next play. In fact, it seems the only time he doesnt get into trouble lately is when he is missing his play.

School havent brought to my attention, ds has. He has been extremely anxious and has been able to tell me about these incidents.

The incidents vary, ds tells me other boys are telling him to do things or blame him when they get into trouble. Ds isnt able to explain himself in school, if asked did he do something he will just say yes or no, with no further explaination.

For example he got into trouble for throwing his pencil at a girl sat at his table. Ds tells me he didnt throw it, boy X hit the pencil out of his hand and it hit the girl. When asked he just say no, but seen as the boy x said that he did and it was ds's pencil, he got the blame.

All incidents that ds is involved in, boy X is also involved in.

I have spoken to ds's class teacher (who is also deputy head) as SENCO is on long term sick. I didnt mention or blame anyone, just that i was concerned about the amount of times ds was getting into trouble and i felt that he wasnt coping well with playtime.

Ds tells me that the teacher spoke to him same day and he now has to choose a buddy to play with, but that he is not allowed to choose boy X as a buddy, so school are obvious aware that boy x isnt the best influence.

However ds is still getting into trouble at playtime with boy x.

Any ideas?

is there any chance of indoor playtime with a dc of ds choice? or could try and get ds to go to the teacher on duty if boy x comes near him, can they put zones in place, boy x stays in 1 half of playground ds in other, do school have cctv in playground? that way they can see what's happening at playtime.

The school have a lunch club for children with SN, where the SN children sit on a table which is supported by adults and eat their lunch, afterwards they go to the nursery and play and are allowed out into the playground for about the last 5 minutes of play.

Sounds ideal and Ds used to love this, but recently he requested not to be part of the lunch club. Other children had been teasing him about being a 'baby' as it is held in the nursery.

The other children in the lunch club, have much more severe communication/behavioural difficulties than ds and ds wanted to sit with peers who he could interact with.

A child who has much more severe difficulties than ds, attacked him in lunch club and made ds's nose bleed and ds cannot seem to forget about this.

Its difficult for ds as he doesnt quite fit in anywhere, he doesnt fit in at lunch club, but he doesnt fit in with his peers either.

Ds will not approach a teacher. The zones is a good idea, as they have not explained the rules clearly enough to ds or to his buddy. For example yesterday ds's buddy played with boy x, so ds had been told he must play with the buddy, so thats what he did. But now has another 'detention' today for playing with boy x!

There is no CCTV in the playground, so not sure how they would enforce the zones. Ds would be able to follow a zone rule, but im not sure boy x would.

The other thing that bothers me about missing so much playtime, is that ds has lots of sensory difficulties and OT's have recommended that ds have movement breaks in the classroom. The school are not following these recommendations, so he has no movement breaks and then no playtime either.

He tells me he got sent out of the class twice yesterday, once for fiddling with a balloon and dropping it and the other he cant remember.

My DS has a separate playtime, he chooses a buddy for that day and he goes out into the nursery courtyard to play. Not such a big space as the playing field but they can choose bikes, scooters or other active play or just run about. This is part of his sensory break so to speak. Then at lunchtime instead of going out to play he has lunch with everyone else but has a creative activity indoors involving dancing to music, or playing instrument or building or painting. This sensory break happens twice a day and buddies are rotated in choice so he has time with most of his peers?

The playtime supervisors need to be involved in this so that they can keep a close eye on your DS and boy X. If it's like my experience working in mainstream, the teachers will be having a jolly time in the staff room while the dinner ladies watch the kids

On the plus side, ime dinner ladies (and gentlemen) are much more approachable than teachers. Perhaps your ds could have a designated non-teaching adult to approach?

Strict boundaries need to be put in place regarding your son and who he plays with, and those boundaries need to be clear to the whole class. Buddy choosing to play with X means that Buddy doesn't know that DS and X aren't allowed to play together - not the Buddy's fault. Also not your son's fault as I'm guessing he's not able to communicate stuff that complex?

Does your son have a 1:1? If so, would it be possible to maneouvre their hours so they cover playtime and take their break later? This is possible, I've done it, so don't let the school suck their teeth at you

When i raised the issue of ds getting into lots of trouble recently, his class teacher (deputy head) wasnt even aware that he had been. So seems like, lots of different supervisors at playtime and no one communicating.

Ds is supposed to have a named member of staff to approach, he might well have, but ds isnt aware of who this is and he would not approach anyway.

Ds will take things very literally, so if has been told he must play with a buddy that is exactly what he will do, if that buddy then plays with boy x, he would not see the connection.

He started on 20 hours of 1:1, school withdrew this and he now gets none. Ive recently lost at Tribunal.

I tried to back off of school while the Tribunal was going on, time to apply the pressure again i think. Im just writing a letter, here we go again, round 2!