ARGHHHHH why do some people think they know better!!!

[cwtch4967]

Need to vent.
MIL has always been in denial over ds GDD & ASD - at one point when he was still in the assessment process ds failed his hearing test and was diagnosed with high frequency hearing loss - MIL actual phoned to tell me she had heard the "good news"! She found a hearing problem easier to accept as the reason for his problems - she was gutted when I pushed for a hearing test under sedation because I didn't believe the result, I was right his hearing is normal.
MIL has a friend, a retired headteacher, who she likes to talk to about ds, this friend has met ds twice for about 5 mins. I recently gave MIL copies of all the reports submitted to the LA for ds statement, paed, SALT, EP, nursery in the hope that she would talk some sense into MIL - when MIL visited today she told me that her friend had read all of the reports and that she doesn't think ds has autism!

In fairness to MIL she is now more accepting of the diagnosis and has seen more of ds recently - a few weeks ago he had a really bad day when she was here and I think she is finally beginning to get it - she did say she had told her friend that ds had now been diagnosed with ASD and learning difficulties. I think she knew I would not react well to hearing what her friend had said!!!
I can forgive my MIL for being slow to accept the diagnosis - she is dippy at the best of times but her friend thinking she knows better than all the professionals - ARGGGGH she was a headteacher, thankfully she is now retired due to ill health.

Her friend was probably a mainstream teacher who knows nothing about special needs children.

Even worse if your mother's/MIls friend is a health professional. Had great trouble with my mother at one stage because she kept ringing and telling me how her friend told her that anything that went wrong for dd- misdiagnosis, struggling to access right treatment- could never have happened where they were. Her friend is a psychiatrist: I don't suppose she knows a thing about rheumatology.

The less significant family members have the luxury of feeling hurt, denial, protesting, getting it wrong, making up stories, blaming, accusing, laughing off and generally finding alternative explanations. You do not.

You CANNOT afford the time to faff around like some of them do because you are responsible for your child. It is EASY to have an opinion about someone elses child that fits more comfortably with you. It is much less easy to pick and choose your rationale for your own child as your mistakes are going to affect them for the rest of their lives.

Lots of people post about this happening. It's irritating but tbh, the matter of acceptance is just not so urgent for other family members as it is for you so it will take longer. Hopefully it will happen though, but don't be too hard on them for taking the luxury of time they can afford.

my dad was like this till very recently. ds has sld, and is waiting to be assessed for autism. ds used to hate going to visit granda because he was always being told off, or put in time out. my dad refuses to listen to anyone, and just believed ds was being naughty, and i needed to be more stern with him. this used to upset me, as he could never see it from my point of view, and made me feel useless. however, a few months back, ds was removed of school transport due to behaviour, so my mum was taking him to school, and the bus was bringing him home. i happened to be working late, and ds had a complete meltdown on the bus, screaming, and making himself sick, to the point they had to take him off. his teachers got him, and brought him back to my parents house, where my dad was only in. when the teachers explained, and he seen them with ds, he finally started to get it. they were talking to ds, and he was looking round the place, talking bout what he wanted, throwing himself on the floor, screaming. so since then, granda has been great, offering to help, doing work with him, and having him to stay. just wish it had happened sooner.