Worries about 2yo DS - just delay or is it more?

[anxietyridden]

Am posting to get it off my chest really. I am worried and need some friendly words that aren't going to add to my panic.
He is in the system as I got him referred so he has been seen a couple of times and been told yes delayed but still in normal range. He was sitting by a year and walking was delayed until 22m.
Now speech is delayed. He does have a few words but has possibly lost some, sometimes can follow a point, not always, usually responds to his name, sometimes not, never points himself but has recently started bringing eg a book over that he wants reading. He likes unusual things eg mirrors and door handles but will play appropriately with toys, not imaginatively yet and likes things that spin.
He has had some physio for floppiness.
He makes poor eye contact at times but good sometimes too, it gets worse if he is sleepy or has just woken.
He is awaiting SALT and paeds review.
It is clear that there's a delay but I am worried this is part of something more eg ASD, esp with lack of eye contact and no pointing.
My main concern is getting him the help he needs as I know early intervention helps.
I have rung portage and got the two to talk book. But I am really worried. He just seems different to other kids tho there are times eg when he is most alert and not at extremes of being tired or just woken up that he seems normal. In places he knows he is also more confident but in new environments he can behave blankly which has led to a few comments from others that are panicking me. At a group last week that he knows he interacted well but the lack of pointing does worry me.
Any advice welcome, especially as I am really losing sleep over this!

I'd say you are doing and have done all the right things... unfortunately the rest is a waiting game to see how he develops...and I absolutely know what torture that is.

he sounds very like my DS2.. he was delayed with identical physical milestones, delayed speech, sometimes good eye contact sometimes not.. in fact identical! He didn't point either

I was desperate 'to know' whether he was autistic, or had learning difficulties or if it was more physical..or all three.. but no one could say conclusively.. and by the time someone did, I had got used to the uncertainty, had lots of support in place and it didn't seem so hard:)

Incidentally my DS2 has a shed load of labels including ASD, MLD, hypotonia... and he didn't speak til 4+ but he is loving, talks non stop, now has very good eye contact and is friendly and caring.. his autism has NOT made him a child shying away from human contact.. (if anything he is over friendly) it has simply made him a bit different.. (he never did play with toys..he's 14 now.. and he is still lining up things but he is not isolated)

Hang in there.. the right people are getting involved..and how he is now, at 2, isn't how his future will be... many many children with delays, do get there in their own time, or with much milder difficulties than anticipated..:)

The is he/isn't he feeling is horrid, I do feel for you.

But none of us here could or should do anything like try to tell you what we think he may or may not have, and at this age so much is down to age and variances in normal development. You've done the best thing already by getting him in the system for referral, and going out and getting the Hanen book.

I would say the most important thing is to help with his communication - once this has improved, improvement with interaction will follow.

FWIW I was worried about my ds when he wasn't pointing at 14 months. He started pointing at 15 months and I thought "phew, not ASD then". Turns out he is autistic. Has always had great eye contact too. Whereas a peer of ds never really pointed (his mum was worried when he was 2yo). He is now 4yo and absolutely fine. Obviously just anecdotal, but just to say the pointing thing alone isn't always a reliable indicator. It's the joint attention part that is critical, not pointing in itself.

What's his understanding (receptive language) like? And how does he react to things around him - eg if everyone else is excited about somehting would he look to see what was exciting, and join in?

IMHO the best intervention you can provide is ABA - many threads on this, I won't confuse you by going into detail about it now. Mary Barbera 'The Verbal Behaviour Approach' and/or Catherine Maurice 'Let Me Hear Your Voice' both worth reading if you want to take it further.

Thanks for kind replies just helps to share it.
He seems to understand some things but not to the extent I would expect a two-year old to, eg cannot follow simple commands. I think he would join in with general excitement but then might leave again.
I am reading around ABA, at least that would be something to put my energies into.