Bad Start too week - DD Aspergers

[AJcat]

Just want some advice please! DD 10 dx Aspergers has come home from school again today saying that she had no one to play with as her friends were ignoring her. Now I know this may be her mis-interpretating their actions but this is becoming practically an every day occurance. We try to talk it through wuth her and she tells her teacher when she is having problems and he tends to get the group together for a chat, but again this is happening every weeK!! What else she we/the school be doing to support her. The school don't seem to be proactive at all, they didn't even want to raise an IEP for her just a "concern sheet" but we insisted on an IEP. I have rung the SENCO and waiting for her to ring me back for an appointment.

She is due to start Secondary school in 2012 and I am so worried as because she doesn't have a statement I feel she will be left to drift.

It gets so much harder as they get older, it seems. 10 and 11 year old girls are not known for their kindness and empathy. Would the school consider a circle of friends type of social skills group, where a good mix of children are helped to be more aware of difficulties that some children might have and are given strategies to help them. It makes the group feel special and can make them more sympathetic and look out for each other.

I would be pushing for some sort of better support. Preferably a statement on social and anxiety issues, if academic targets are being met. It is possible to get a statement in this sort of case but it is harder, TBH. Now is the time to start for secondary as it takes 6 months approx. You do know that you can request statutory assessment yourself? You want the secondary to be making provision for your DD's problems. Do you know where she is likely to go? I'd be visiting the SENCOs at the secondaries and see how sympathetic they are.

thank you EllenJane. We have just started the Secondary school visits, the first one last week where the SENCO was not very sympathetic at all!! When I asked if DD could come to the Learnig Support Unit at lunchtime/breaktimes she replied she is more than welcome but tbh if it is a nice day we kick them straight outside again as they need feash air like all the other students, we don't molicodle them here!! I have 2 more to look at which are always oversubcribed and suspect it may come down to distance lived from school and will end up with one i have written about. I did read about the statement for Social and anxiety on here a few days ago, so will look into that. I have also contacted Parent Partnership as well as I am not sure exactly what else the school should be doing, she does btw go to a social group twice a week at school but that doesn't seem to be working.

Would apply for a Statement yourself and asap and ignore any naysayers re this matter. You are your child's best - and only - advocate here.

Statements are indeed also for social/communication needs as well as academic needs. All the children I know of with AS at secondary have statements; without this in place they would find it nigh on impossible to manage.

IPSEA's website is very good when it comes to the whole statementing process and there are model letters you can use:-

www.ipsea.org.uk

Some Parent Partnership organisations work very closely with the LEA in question and are thus not fully independent of them. Always seek outside independent advice from charities like ACE, IPSEA, SOSSEN to name but three.

Friends are difficult to come by and even harder to keep for those with AS.

I spent long hours trying to think of ways to help my DD increase her circle (which usual consisted of one or none) of friends. Nothing really worked. The few friends she had tended to 'adopt' her.

Without wishing to be pessimistic I believe she will find secondary school much more challenging. You should do everything you can to get provision in place BEFORE she starts there. An unsympathetic SENCO is the last thing you need.

My DD lasted two years at secondary before we took her out and home-educated her. Academically she didn't have any problems - she was top in the year. By the end of each day at school she was totally exhausted (stress) and had to disappear to her room for most of the evening to recharge. In the end she was so unhappy we took her out of school.

On a brighter note she did eventually return to full time education (college) on her own accord and is now at uni.

Thanks Attila and The Duckster it is so good to get some support especially when you begin to doubt yourself and think maybe I am making a fuss, when that is exactly what I need to do. I just get so frustrated a dx of Asperger's or any other need is what it is why then do you still need to jump through hoops to get the right support!!! But you have given me some great advice about where to go, thank goodness for Mumsnet. xx

AJcat - if you can get a statement you will be able to name the school you want for your DD if you can give good reasons why this school meets her specific needs better than the likely allocated school and the normal rules of application will not apply. Well worth getting onto this asap.

That's true. Schools have to take a child whose statement names the school above all other children, even if the school is full. The only conditions are if it would adversely affect the education of others (more than in the LA's choice) or would not be cost effective (which generally means you have to pay transport if you've not chosen your closest school. So you could get your oversubscribed more sympathetic school with a statement.

I live in Ireland and DS recently dx Aspergers-11yrs. Ended up getting a private assessment for him cause of waiting lists etc but thankfully school could act immediately on recommendations etc once a dx was confirmed. Dont know how upset ur DD is by friends behaviour towards her everyday, but advice we keep getting regarding same is that if its not really bothering her then dont worry too much. Our DS has similar complaints but isnt overly pushed bout friends etc. Is much happier in his own world ! I think we worry far more bout friends issue than they do. Mind you Im worried bout secondary school-gonna be such a huge change. Not sure how he'll cope.