At our wits end with toilet training, desperately need help!

[Eloise73]

Our daughter is 3 1/2 and has ASD. In most things she is quite high functioning but toilet training has been nearly impossible. She goes to the toilet, sits on it, goes through the motions with the toilet roll, wiping herself, flushing, washing her hands etc but will NOT do anything in the toilet. If she accidentally does something because she's distracted she will freak out and jump off the toilet mid stream or worse and have a meltdown (which is something she normally doesn't do so this is something she really really has a problem with).

She knows when she needs to go and often says she is going to have a poo or goes and hides behind our recliner or goes to her room as she wants privacy. We've tried leaving her in the loo alone (just outside), being with her, she has a step, a kids toilet seat, a special seat potty as we thought perhaps we would try with that but she won't do anything on that either and freaks out.

Today she peed in our inflatable pool with no problem so if she can pee in the pool why not the toilet?!!!

There are days when it seems like she will never be toilet trained and I get so depressed. If one more person says 'oh she's still in nappies is she?' i'm going to flip out...sigh. It doesn't help that she's a very tall girl so looks about 4 1/2.

If any of you have any tips, advice, prayers, toilet magic, anything would be appreciated. My husband keeps saying 'No Surrender' lol but today has been one of those days when its just all got to me. Thanks for listening xx

DS2 wasn't toilet trained until the week before he was 4, and he is a very tall boy. Was a very long process, so try not to be so hard on yourself or your DD.

Try to give the toiler training a break for a few weeks, ive both yourselves a little breathing space from it.

Then, start off by putting her on the toilet after each nappy change, telling her that that is where she wees and poos. Keep this up for a while, dont expect anything miraculous.

Then start looking for signs that she needs to go, the seeking for privacy is a good one.

If you want to put knickers on her, then get an egg timer, set it for 5/10 mins and once it goes off, either ask her if she needs the toilet, or take her to it and sit her on it.

She will get it, just not as quick as NT children. Long and slow, works well with DC with ASD.

Once DS2 had had a few wees and poos on the toilet he was fine, a few accidents, but fine.

Good luck.

Sounds as though she has a sensory issue with the toilet. Do you have a continence nurse available?Might be able to give some advice-
To be honest it sounds as though you are doing everything right;just need to hang on to your patience and hope.

DS is 71/2 and it is only happening now-He's pretty much dry(never asks to go)We still have issues with soiling- but we're so happy that he's making progress

Your DD will get it I know of several DCs with ASD who hid when they needed the loo-but who use the loo now

Dd2 trained 2 weeks before she started school, we were all ready to send her in nappies (which i didnt want), had tried everything, like your dd she would sit on the toilet, wipe but was scared to wee. In the end i had almost given up, i had one last try, i just left her nappy off and let her wet herself (feel what its like to be wet), i left the potty in the room, carried on placing her on the toilet, after a couple accedents she just got it and took herself to the potty or toilet, i gave her loads of praise and chocolate and withing a week she was dry and wearing pants. She will do it but probalby when she feels she's ready, might take weeks, it might take a year, i think the key is to just relax and try not to rush or worry her.

Ds2 (severe ASD) was 6 when he came out of nappies but didnt poo in the loo until he was nearly 8. The breakthrough for us was getting a toilet chair from the OT - it was lower and I think less threatening than the toilet, and we put it wherever he was, to maximise success. I wonder whether your DD would feel less scared of going in something like this? DS2 moved to the adult loo very easily after a few weeks. Ds2 also used to hate the sound of his poo hitting the water, so we put toilet paper down first to muffle the sound.

Thank you all for your advice. We decorated the toilet as much as possible and put lots of incentives in there for her and this morning she did a small wee in the toilet for some Little Einstein stickers and a big wee in the pottie, acted like it was no big deal lol! So very happy, at least her phobia seems gone now which is great. A great start after feeling so low the other day, thank you all for your support xx

Thats great news Eloise, well done to your dd, now she's done it once you might find she's dry within a few days. So pleased for you both xxxx

That is really great! Well done! :) my DS was trained at just starting school but he still has a phobia of the toilet in the sense he is afraid that he will fall in if he sits on it with or without a kids toilet seat. So he stands on the seat and squats on top! not bothered tho as long as he is going

Thanks Marne!

coff33pot: You could say your son is being super hygienic! LOL

Well our dd is just doing amazingly well and completely disproving my post last week. We don't even have to ask now, she just goes to the potty and wee's. She's still not getting the poo thing but that's ok, don't feel so depressed about it - was starting to think she would be in nappies forever and wondering crazy things like how awkward dating would be for her in nappies LOL!!

LOL @ hygenic! te only problem we have now is that he grabs on for dear life to the toilet roll holder and we are quite used to hearing "uh o MUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM and DS standing wobbling on top of the seat with it in his hand

Great stuff that you are more relaxed about your dd. The rest will undoubtadly follow in her own good time :)