Feeling a little lonely and would appreciate any help/advice/ solidarity!

[flirty30]

Well here goes, my s (6) has been given the label of (and I groan!) 'Complex needs relating to his emotional beahioural difficulties'. It sounds so awful. My gorgeous little boy who is fun, enthusiastic, caring, honest, bright and adventurous is not doing well at school. He is disruptive in class, rude to teachers, refuses to do work and often hurts other children. Of course I do not condone this. In fact after struggling with a very old fashioned small school ( to put it politely) we entered in to a managed move with another school- a really inclusive and encouraging one. It ended yesterday afetr 3 weeks and 4 days and now, being not prepared to send my s backwards, he is school less. He does attend a (nurture group) behaviour unit 4 afternoons a week, which he loves but my head is all over the place. Has anyone been through this?

We had to tell my s this am that it was his last day at school. My heart was breaking, looking at his disappointed face- even though we told him it was because we thought we could find a better school- we didn't mention his behaviour.

He has not got a statement yet.. we have been advised to wait while we sort a school out first so the new school isn't over loaded with paperwork. He has a resourced IEP and I have just had him referred this week to CAMHS (Child and Adolesent Mental Health Service) for any other advice/ diagnosis that we may of missed.

I am open to answer any questions if I have missed something which may help a reply.... thank you.

In a bit of a rush but I wouldn't put off the Statutory Assessment another minute. Sod the paperwork the school will benefit by having a comprehensive report on your child's particular needs. Have you asked to see a developmental paediatrician? Will post more later only off out and didn't want you to go unanswered

I'm sorry things are so tough for you and your little one at the moment.

Who gave him that 'label'? Has he been seen by a child development paedetrician?

He really, really needs a statement. Apply yourself today. Download the application letter from ipsea and send it today.

He also really, really needs a proper diagnosis. So that he can be given the right support at school.

Make an appointment with your GP, and ask for a referral to a paed.

The ed psch said that with a statement set funding would be attached which is a positve but because my s's needs were complex she said it may be better to hang fir because at the moment the resourced IEP is more flexible- that was advised by a guy who agrees the funding.

The school and ed psch have given him that label but unofficially- its just what I have heard him referred as having. What would a child development paediatrician do? Wo7uld they do anything different to CAMHS who he has just been reffered to.

Thank you or all your replies- I appreciate all opinions/ options!

LeninGrad- I am not sure what he is trying to express through his behaviour. I think he enjoys the attention albeit negative and has no respect for teachers. At his first school he got sent to stand outside the head teachers office so often when he first started that he would just say to the head 'I'm bored can I go now" I pointed it out to the head that I believed he hadn't given my s a chance to develop the concept that actually standing outside the heads office was a serious punishment. I think it stems from starting school but not sure....

It takes AGES to get a statement through - the longer you wait, the longer he is without one! We started working towards one in October, and we're just getting to the point where DS2's statement will be sorted completely in June!!

I didn't think the ed psych could dx?? Anyone else more up to speed on that?

Flirty - he needs to see a paed to see what is causing his problems. Neither an EP nor school are qualified to diagnose anything. A paed can dx different things to CAMHS (like ASD for example).

A resourced IEP is not better than a statement. Only from the point of view of the LEA who are paying for it.

I'm really sorry, but you are getting the standard run around. You are going to have to become very clued up and very proactive and become the biggest PITA ever in order to get your son the help he needs.

As IndigoBell said, "flexible" only means the school/LEA can change it when they want to suit their funding needs. They can't do that with a statement. Which is why they prefer the IEP.

Flirty, your son needs a dx and a statement asap. Don't worry about how the school will cope with paperwork, that's their job. Also be aware that literally years can pass without anything happening and agencies (LA, CAMHS, schools(s) etc) passing you back and forth without any result, so it is you who needs to push for it.

How is his behaviour outside school? Family, public places, playgroup, etc? Also: do you think he understands that he needs to behave respectfully with school staff (and adults in general)? This is not the same as having respect (we often don't feel respect towards a lot of people we need to behave respectfully with but we do it to adhere to the norms of society). In any case, I hope he gets a dx/statement soon and then you can move forward.

Hi,

My s says all the right things- he knows what is appropriate and what is not and I wonder if there is something inside that stops him putting it together with his actions when he acts so impulsively.

His behaviour outside school is ok- he has his ups and downs like any child. He is a little lively and sometimes needs constant prompts to complete a task but he is well mannered and caring. He loves the outdoors and our pet labrador. Sometimes he gets angry easily and needs to be talked down and he can act impulsively.

At school parties he is no worse than any other child and at swimming lessons he sometimes struggles with concentration and listening but not more than some of the other children.

I am definately taking all your advice with the statement. Thank you all for your advice. I am really pleased I posted now- I was awfully embarrassed

flirty - Do you think he could have something like ASD? Often that is mistaken for behavioural problems when it isn't.

ASD can be hard to notice because there is no one thing you have to have or not have to get a dx. But I think all of what you describe could as easily be described by ASD as by emotional behavioural stuff......

Certainly being rude to staff, Getting angry easily, Refusing to do work and Hurting other children - could all be explained by ASD.

I don't know much about ASD but I was cosidering ADD or ADHD.

He has no difficulties with communication, he enjoys numeracy and reading but he tends to try and avoid writing even though he is capable of doing it. He used to get 10 out of 10 on his spelling tests whenhe was at the first school if any of this info helps . Thank you.

Could be ADHD - read up on ASD and see what you think.

But of course you don't make the dx, a paed does. So go to your GP and ask for a referral to a child development paed because you want him assessed for ADHD or ASD (or anything else you can think of).