Sod inclusion: I want to live in a gated village

[BakeliteBelle]

I actually believe in inclusion, really, but when you have a dc whose disabilities are so severe including challenging behaviour, trying to fit in to the mainstream world is just so exhausting, demoralising and thankless. I just want to close the world on the rest of the world sometimes and live in peace with my friends and their equally challenging SN kids.

No more constant stares and gawping from the horrified public

No more constant danger for the escape artists

No more having to put a positive face on every morning before leaving the house - you know the one that says, 'I know my son is lashing out and touching women's breasts, dribbling and spitting and carrying on but it's perfectly ok and I am perfectly calm. Yes, really I am.'

No more buildings/outside spaces that aren't designed with severe autism in mind

No more having to constantly look at normal families, having fun doing normal things

No more listening to hardline inclusionists saying, 'inclusion can happen if you just have the right attitude'

No more having to avoid going into shops, towns, public areas of any sort where it might be crowded

No more staying in doors all day because it is easier than leaving the house

No more continual struggle...

Of course, I would let other people in the gated village to come and see what a fab place it is and how - if you design the physical environment right - even the most challenging children can flourish.

Now I just need to win the lottery.

I hear you.
I also agree with inclusion, however in our case inclusion generally means exclusion :(
Ds also has severe autism and I feel we don't really fit in anywhere even in "special groups" the parents of children with physical disabilities are often understandably concerned for the safety of their children and other parents of disabled children are shocked at the sheer level of supervision ds needs and also his horrific behavioural problems. We don't really feel accepted anywhere.

Can I come and live in your gated community?!!! PLEASEEEEE??? it will be a bit like a new religion!!!

You can all come and live there. I will also have holiday cottages for those who just want a temporary break from the muggles

It will be a new religion. We will worship at the alter of special needs. Our children will be regarded as prophets who show shallow people what it is to be truly human and honest and without vanity and greed.

Lady some of the worst prejudice I have experienced has been from parents of children with milder disabilities. In the hierarchy of disability, our children are at the very bottom sadly. SLD with challenging behaviour is rare, we are barely represented anywhere and we are an inconvenience to all the well-meaning people who think that inclusion is all about attitude.

Put me down for a place, then I can be me, instead of having to be anything but me so that I don't get hammered for getting stuff wrong

Can we have a tesco where no one in the queue will mind when my DD1 queue jumps and my DD2 kicks them in the shins for getting too close to her :) Oh and stealing is not a criminal offence punishable by the law in our special tesco either :)

Geese will be tolerated but they must not wake my son up or I will make it my personal duty to serve them up with apple sauce from our orchard at one of our communal Sunday lunches.

I would like the school to be out of the village and in the mainstream world. A special school co-located with a mainstream school and inclusion on our terms, not theirs. Teaching will be exemplary needless to say.

I have had a shit few days, people looking at as, people avoiding us, i wish i could share a village with all you lovely sn mummies.

Our tesco will have no queues except for ones specially formed for children who are practicing queuing. Chundle. We will devise a system where stealing is allowed but a bill will be sent for the stolen items afterwards. Shop workers will be trained to help all our children learn to be in a shop without kicking off.

Amber you are welcome to live in our community. Everyone will have their own house with their own garden, as well as a communal park, farm, high street, fabulous leisure centre etc. It will be like Centre Parks but much much better

As well as an orchard there will be a vineyard. (Garden trampolines will no longer be recc'd to Mums in high rise flats!) On feelin stressed, Mum will be sent for a good grape stomping sess' followed by a few glasses of "medicinal" vino, wih her pals when the lack of sleep gets too much for her. Proper respite care of a standard that matches ours will of course be provided for these Momma's magic therapy sessions. Mum will also be allowed a good nap, followed by a reviving cup of decent coffee and swiss choccy bar before going into the world once more.

Dairy free easter eggs and other essential items will never run out of stock at the village supermarket. Piped music and flickering lights will be forbidden & weighted blankets will be provided in shoe shops in the village mall. Kids on overload will be LEFT ALONE to play with lego, make funny noises etc without well meaning interfering old biddies converting "feeling stressed" to "full scale melt downs" - especially at the mall. A sufficient quantity of nappies will arrive just after the weekly bin man visits for those that need them.

All staff at the school will have to actually LIKE children as an essential requirement of their job description. Theraputic equipment will be available free of charge from the school on an as needs basis. A nice lady will be available every Saturday morning onsite to assist with dla applications and other beuracratic monstrosities, such that they become mere trivia instead of the cause of yet more sleepless nights.

I'm packing already , love the Tesco idea (deffently no queuing for anything), can we have a museum for boring collections? and a garden/park with edible flowers for dd2?

Good job my hubby is in the pub tonight - im sitting here with my bottle of wine pissing myself laughing at this thread. Book me into an even numbered house please DD1 doesnt like odd numbers.

Vineyard...boring collections...edible flowers...yes, yes, yes!

Transport round the village will be on a - very well fenced - steam train. Possibly Thomas the Tank engine?

There will be jobs for all our children in the village when they become adults, no matter how severe their disabilities. We may even find a painless, ethical way to harness energy from hand flapping, rocking and running in circles.

Can i have house no 7 but when dd1 is 8 i may have to move next door .

As we are all odd, odd numbers would be appropriate

Ooh save a nice spacious house for me please. One with a laundry ( 2 wash machines and 2 dryers), sensory room, chill out zone and separate bed room just for sleeping for ds. Adventure play and soft play zone in the same street with excellent play leaders so I can actually sit down! Campervans ( equiped as needed)for trips away would be nice.

I already feel like I live in a gated house tbh. Both kids travel to school, we don't use the local shops because ds doesn't do shops. Ds will walk to the car or the taxi but no further so I am never seen in the street because if ds is home then I can't go out and if he's at school the last thing I want to do is walk round the village.
I'll reserve a house in the gated village though because I'm sure you'd all make lovely neighbours

asdx2 I also live in a gated house and I want to walk out of my front door with DS, not be stared at whatever abomination he commits, go to the shop, have a pint in the local pub beer garden while DS does something else abominable, maybe pop to the park, then go home. Not much to ask for, is it?

No it's not, not at all I think I must just be resigned to it all because it doesn't get to me at present anyway although I worry if I don't get the school I want for post 16 that I may be housebound for the rest of my life and when the oldest three leave I'll lose my connection to the outside world.
I suppose the boundaries would be bigger in a gated village for us both then than they are at present.

us too please, sounds marvellous, can our Tesco have trollys with mahooosive seats so PJ actually fits in one? Cheers v muchly. Would appreciate a zumba class at 6pm on a Friday attached to a bar whose happy hour commences at 7! us too please, sounds marvellous, can our Tesco have trollys with mahooosive seats so PJ actually fits in one? Cheers v muchly. Would appreciate a zumba class at 6pm on a Friday attached to a bar whose happy hour commences at 7!

Ooooh, I very spookily posted that twice......I hope you all now grasp the gravity of my post