Sod inclusion: I want to live in a gated village

[BakeliteBelle]

I actually believe in inclusion, really, but when you have a dc whose disabilities are so severe including challenging behaviour, trying to fit in to the mainstream world is just so exhausting, demoralising and thankless. I just want to close the world on the rest of the world sometimes and live in peace with my friends and their equally challenging SN kids.

No more constant stares and gawping from the horrified public

No more constant danger for the escape artists

No more having to put a positive face on every morning before leaving the house - you know the one that says, 'I know my son is lashing out and touching women's breasts, dribbling and spitting and carrying on but it's perfectly ok and I am perfectly calm. Yes, really I am.'

No more buildings/outside spaces that aren't designed with severe autism in mind

No more having to constantly look at normal families, having fun doing normal things

No more listening to hardline inclusionists saying, 'inclusion can happen if you just have the right attitude'

No more having to avoid going into shops, towns, public areas of any sort where it might be crowded

No more staying in doors all day because it is easier than leaving the house

No more continual struggle...

Of course, I would let other people in the gated village to come and see what a fab place it is and how - if you design the physical environment right - even the most challenging children can flourish.

Now I just need to win the lottery.

Can I come and teach in the school please? I'd like to teach somewhere where SN kids are not an after thought and are taught meaningfully.

(I work in an 'inclusive' county BTW and my son goes to school in the same county too...... we're re thinking the whole where I work and school thing.....)

Welcome to our latest gated village residents and our first teacher.

If we don't have enough money to buy a village, perhaps a trailer trash caravan park would be the next best thing?

BTW never, how included do those with the most severe disabilities feel in your 'inclusive' county? I don't mean kids with PMLD who are not disruptive and can be wheeled everywhere (whether they like it or not) as long as there is wheelchair access. I mean those who are challenging and disruptive.

I sometimes think our kids are 'the disappeared', along with elderly people with dementia, rotting away in nursing homes, out of sight and out of mind.

Oh, I love SN nativities! We had one where Mary beat up Joseph so badly, we had to have 2 substitutes, and a beautiful one where a little girl with Downs was lifted high as the Star of Bethlehem. Oh, and one where the 3 kings and a crocodile played row, row, row your boat. I never worked out where the crocodile fitted in to the Nativity! Can we come and live with you? I don't think NT DS1 will want to come, though.

Where do I sign up?

Can we have a walk in centre for easy access SALT, Behavious Specialists and OTs?

Yes Yes Yes! Love this thread! Especially as I have had enough of the looks I get when DD is screaming "get off me! get off me!" I would love to let her off the leash in the field of edible flowers hehe

Could I put pretty lights up in the orchard trees so that DD can run round shouting "pretty lights, pretty lights"? Could we have lots of giant trampolines so they don't have to wait their turn. And a special play area for siblings, too?

Great thread, keep it going! :)

As for no queues at Tesco, your dream is already reality: shop online. It may take little time to create your list first but then it is saved so you can get your usual stuff with a click - and add new ones any time. Tesco will home deliver - there is a charge but it may be well worth if compared with queues, kids reacting badly to crowds, music and other sensory overload.

Worry not fellow villagers, siblings are one of my priorities. We will have a siblings village green where they can escape from being attacked by their sister or brother and have loads of space to be themselves and enjoy the company of children who are living the same life as them.

We will have a church where you don't have to be religious, but where we can meet to give thanks for our gated village and pray for good harvests and long lives. Noone will gasp in horror when those with severe disabilities drop their trousers in church, masturbate openly and shout 'Poo! Poo!'. They will simply empathise with the parents and assist with pulling the trousers back up.

Can we have street lights to hug and heated paddling pools where it is acceptable to play in in the middle of winter. Horse riding and swimming that doesn't close at holiday times would be fantastic too.

Theory of grandparents is great but do I really have to let my M-I-L in as she has no intention of understanding and I can no longer be arsed with trying to explain.

Can the whole place be bare feet friendly?

Can I come and teach too? DD is NT, but it'd be a fantastic place for her to grow up and appreciate others.

I hate to turn anyone away Galena but although you cannot live in the village, you are very welcome to apply for a teaching job in the school which will be back in the real mainstream world. You and your daughter could also apply for jobs in the village, such as Steam Train Driver or Tesco's Queue Manager or Edible Flower Planter.

tibni, your mother will not be allowed in the village until she has had a successful re-education programme and passed an exam in empathy.

BakeliteBelle - it is my mother in law and I am at the thought of her getting a big "F" in the exam.

I don't want to cause arguments! DD does have some mild physical 'issues' but certainly nothing like the stuff all of you are living with day in, day out. I just thought that perhaps non-judgemental outsiders might be welcomed. :)

My DS is at the HF end of additional needs, but I'd love to come and teach in the school. We make fantastic mobiles and he could help with sorting and displaying collections of items in the museum.
It would have to be a 24 hour village, so when you need to bounce or walk or play in the moonlight, there will be open facilities where you can get a snack. And all-weather beanbags for napping. DS would help create a system of tunnels for those that like being underground.

I could offer my parents as GP role models, they are fab and always have been.

Dont want to be rude but reading this make s me sad

how included do those with the most severe disabilities feel in your 'inclusive' county? I don't mean kids with PMLD who are not disruptive and can be wheeled everywhere (whether they like it or not) as long as there is wheelchair accessWell thats not inclusion if you have no choice just becuase you can be oushed everywhere

Im not denying for parents with dc with Asd or sld and challenging behaviour it is very hard but its not easy for any parent with achild with disablitys of any kind and guess what its not only dc with asd that are excluded from sn groups to .

Sn is not a competion about who is affected more be that speech ,asd ,Ld challenging behaviour or physical disablitys or anything else .I tend not to post a smuch on here anymore( bar couple of threads ) as realsing that ds and us a fmaily no longer seem to fit .And have been the subject of well you have no clue what were going through .Just becuase ds doe snot fit does not mean i dont have some understanding

So guess we wont be welcome in your dream community and neither would my dc which is a shame becuase they ar ethe most non jugdemental kids that you could meet

Do you think you wouldn't be welcomed in BakeliteBelle's fantasy because you feel your children wouldn't be high enough scorers in SN Top Trumps?
I just thought this was a light-hearted thread for those of us who would like a place where children could just be themselves without being gawped at and excluded for their looks, speech, actions or choices.
DS is 16, in mainstream and can pass for normal in the world for a while.
Didn't occur to me that this thread was exclusive of anyone who was caring for a child with additional needs.
What would you like in your perfect community? Respite care by someone who was interested in your child and cared for them as their own, whilst you tried out a jacuzzi?

Grouchy - I took this thread to be a light hearted giggle, not in anyway a competition. My vineyard idea was simply cos it's an impossible dream for me to be able to relax after a glass of wine after a nice meal for example & hence one I thought perhaps other Mums might secretly share from time to time, for some Mums it might be a long enough nap for their creaking backs to get some relief from all the heavy lifting.

There can be a strong asd bias on this board sometimes it feels, but that in no way means other issues/disabilities should feel left out. I recently refered a Gran here whose lil 18 month old GS has just lost an eye and will prob lose the other as I felt she might find a source of support for the family she won't get elsewhere. Only 1 in 1000 kids have asd and there are are so many other problems from early onset schizophrenia to v. rare genetic syndromes that this board covers.

I think the poster you refer to was just lashing out at how hard it can be to have a kid who looks physically normal but isn't. The general publc and even a disturbing number of professionals are more than willing to slap the bad parent label on and this can be really soul destroying when you know you' go the extra marathon , (not mere mile) on a daily basis.

A stranger tried to physically hit my son in Lidls a few weeks ago - he's 6! He was playing wih his lego behind the checkout and responded with "no" when she told him to move. Luckily for me the shop security staff are used to him. That's the kind of random daily event that upsets some of us. There was a lady here who posted about an awful trip to the park the other day that led to her physically disbabled child being abused - that showed me that we face some of the same issues across the board.

I'm sorry if this turned into an essay but I'd really hate for anyone not to feel included HERE of all places. With the coming changes to SEN education & dla etc under the coalition, now more than ever we can' can't afford to let anything divide & conquer us parents ALL our children will suffer. As individuals we can do so little, and on a daily basis life is so tough - we all need all the support we can get. You are more than welcome in our village, especially if you'd like to share the wonders of a cup of coffee with me that's drunk HOT ; )

Thank you
sorry I may be a bit touchy atm as ds does not fit anywhere and is more obvious older he gets.He does not fit in with the ld word, the asd world the pd world or behaviour either

Goblin sorry I dont do sn top trumps becuase as far as im concerned that anyone has a child with sn is going to have to face struggles no matter what the disablity is becuas eit will affect their child, their family and their life

and ye sI would love a cup of hot coffee please looks at dregs in her cup as this defintley does not pass muster as coffee

'Goblin sorry I dont do sn top trumps becuase as far as im concerned that anyone has a child with sn is going to have to face struggles no matter what the disablity is becuas eit will affect their child, their family and their life'

I agree absolutely, so it worried me that it might be what you thought was happening on this thread. Surely a gated community as diverse as this fantasy would have a space for all who don't fit anywhere else?