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Original poster

I am ready to be told if I was wrong!

52 replies

BaronessVonEvenstar · 29/04/2011 14:50

DS1 has been at my mums for the entire school holidays, His choice.
He came back Monday just gone and within 5 minutes was his usual self.
Prior to the holidays he shredded his laces in his school shoes and demanded I
went and got him new shoes, I didn't I bought him new laces.There was nothing wrong with them and still isn't.
He is now threatening to cut them up unless I buy him new ones before Tuesday.

He refused to go to school the 2 days this week he should have because I wouldn't
buy him new shoes. I ended up telling the school the real reason for his absense rather than
covering him.

This morning he got up and wanted to control the TV Now, I wanted and did watch the royal wedding.
His way of dealing with this was shouting, screaming and tantruming.

I reacted by following out my threat from yesterday, that if he did not change his attitude I would
a- get the internet barred on his mobile
b- empty his room
c- stop him going fishing on Sunday.

He has 2 days to redeem himself to go fishing on Sunday.

I have barred the internet and have also took his tv, dvd, ps2 and ds away.

He has continued to shout etc and trashed his room.

Ok I know he has aspergers, BUT should I have not done this and let him continue to be
rude or was I right in what I have done and the shoe issue?

I should add that mum said at hers although not on the same scale she had to deal with a few
strops from him.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 29/04/2011 14:52

how old is he?

Original poster
BaronessVonEvenstar · 29/04/2011 14:53

I want to add, I am trying my hardest to be conistent with him hence why I had to carry through what I had threatened. But am still learning how to deal with him as a child with aspergers and don't know if I should carry on or make allowances.

OP posts:
Original poster
BaronessVonEvenstar · 29/04/2011 14:53

Almost 13

OP posts:
icooksocks · 29/04/2011 14:54

How old is he?

icooksocks · 29/04/2011 14:54

x-post sorry

Original poster
BaronessVonEvenstar · 29/04/2011 14:55

he will be 13 in July.

OP posts:
Numberfour · 29/04/2011 14:55

I think that considering he has Aspergers the shoes may be a huge issue for him - that sounds daft: clearly they are an issue for some reason??.... really just guessing because I know so little about that condition. Has he said why he does not want to wear the shoes?

icooksocks · 29/04/2011 14:55

How long have you known about his Aspergers? Only ask asthe way you worded it suggests its not long.

Original poster
BaronessVonEvenstar · 29/04/2011 14:58

Number4, he wants kickers I won't buy them so he keeps shredding the laces.

Icook - Since Febuary. So not long no.

OP posts:
GelflinGirl · 29/04/2011 14:58

I think what your doing sounds about right, dont let him go fishing! Once he realises your sticking to your guns surely his attitude will get better.

I have to add ive had no dealings with children with aspergers so my advise may not be correct in this situation.

Sorry your having to go through this, i know its very hard work.

Original poster
BaronessVonEvenstar · 29/04/2011 15:02

Gelf, I don't know if it will help but I need a way of dealing with him.
Before I would end up giving in to him just for a peaceful life. But as he is getting older his behaviour is getting worse.

OP posts:
farkthatforagameofsoldiers · 29/04/2011 15:04

Personally I would find a way to get him the shoes if I possibly could.

I remember feeling so embarrassed about the shoes my Mum made me wear it consumed me and I didn't have Aspergers.

I have a child with ASD so I know what you are going through.

Original poster
BaronessVonEvenstar · 29/04/2011 15:05

I should add the shoes are not damaged or anything other than needing a polish and now another new pair of laces.
I have an appt at the school Tuesday at 9.25 because he is refusing to go in.

OP posts:
jezebelle · 29/04/2011 15:06

I think you handled him really well. He may have aspergers but demanding shoes just because he wants kickers is wrong and he needs to get this message before he starts trying to control everything.

icooksocks · 29/04/2011 15:06

I don't have any personal experience of children with Aspergers, but (and I may becompletely wrong here) I would have thought, sticking to your guns and being consistent is more important than ever.

Original poster
BaronessVonEvenstar · 29/04/2011 15:07

Fark, he chose the shoe, IF I had then I would understand him not wanting them.

OP posts:
farkthatforagameofsoldiers · 29/04/2011 15:10

I know, its frustrating Sad.

I can usually tell if my ds is really feeling something like this though and will act accordingly. I can tell the difference between bratty behaviour and him really feeling awful about something. Has he maybe been laughed at about his shoes or something? The thing is with Aspergers and ASD they feel things so deeply, stuff you and I could just brush off they literally cannot do that. I am sure you know this already though.

HowAmIStillHere · 29/04/2011 15:15

I too have a ds, 12 going on 13, with Aspergers.
The only thought that occurred to me re your ds was that puberty with all its hormones and moodiness may be setting in!
I am going through similar with my ds. He is struggling to get a handle on all the physical and emotional changes that are starting to happen to him. Hard enough for an NT teen - almost impossibly confusing for an Aspie!

Do you also find your ds is suffering with sleep deprivation, or difficulties in going/staying asleep? I find that with my ds, this is often the time that he tries to make sense of his day. And as we all know, lack of sleep can make everything 10 times worse!

Original poster
BaronessVonEvenstar · 29/04/2011 15:17

Fark, thats the thing I don't know what is what tbh!!!

He got in his head a month ago that he wanted kickers when my nephew asked for a pair and has been like a dog with a bone since.

OP posts:
Original poster
BaronessVonEvenstar · 29/04/2011 15:19

HowAm, he has always been a terrible sleeper. H e goes to his room by choice around 8.30 but is more often than not still up at 1am. Of course I cannot go to bed until he is asleep.

I need to learn so much

OP posts:
Geepers · 29/04/2011 15:24

Every one of your posts on here makes your home life sound like a war zone. Your son is not 'the enemy'. I can only imagine what your life will be like when he is 16.

MCos · 29/04/2011 15:24

OP, does he have any savings? Can the kickers be bought from his own money? That is what I do with my DDs when they insist on something that they MUST have. Doesn't happen too often, so I feel that is a reasonable compromise in my situation. Would also allow you give in without totally giving in...

HowAmIStillHere · 29/04/2011 15:26

Baroness, I often read to my ds at night. It is a good way of calming him (he suffers greatly from anxiety). It is usually after this that he will open up a little to me and we talk about things that are bothering him. I think he finds this easier to do once his mind has been 'quietened' by listening to me reading if that makes sense?

I think he is focusing on the shoes possibly because he doesn't yet know how to articulate whatever else may be troubling him? I know with my own ds that a small thing can be focused on and blown out of proportion when he has anxiety problems over something completely unrelated.

Original poster
BaronessVonEvenstar · 29/04/2011 15:27

Geepers, I haven't posted about him for a while as I am learning to cope with things differently.
I have not said he is the enemy ffs.

Mcos, I have told him to save his money but he keeps frittering it away on shit tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
BaronessVonEvenstar · 29/04/2011 15:28

HowAm, see this is where I am still learning. I have gone from having a child who everyone said was being naughty to finding out the reason behind his behaviors.

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