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Original poster

So fucking angry !!!!!

64 replies

Rockmaiden · 14/04/2011 23:46

Apologise in advance for my angry rant lol.

My son (nearly 7 years) as some of you will know from seeing me around has GDD, Autism and ADHD. His school behaviour is pretty terrible and as a result he dosn't exactly have any friends, he can be pretty violent.

Anyway today at school a group of 3 children (aged 9-10 years) decide to attack him. I don't just mean a fight after a full blown attack!

One child came over to him and wanted to show him something, being very naive and trusting my son followed him to a corner on the playground that due to the current building work on the school is almost out of sight to the playground staff.

The older boy led him there and the other 2 children were waiting. Two children then held him arms still whilst the third punched him several times in the stomach. They let go off him and he fell to the floor. One nasty fucking shit of a child then STAMPED on his head and kicked him in the face!

He came home from school with bruises to his ribs, a cut on the side of his face and what looks like it will be a black eye by tomorrow.

I want to bloody cry, he looks such a mess. How can something like this happen?

After the incident my son went and hid, the teachers found him in that state and the other children that had seen what happened filled the teachers in (my son is almost non-verbal and can only say a few words)

I have kicked up such a fuss at school today and am trying to talk myself out of approaching the parents of the children as well (I know who the parents of 2 of the children are, one is our next door neighbour)

I understand that my son is violent and these children as well as many others have been on the receiving end before now but he isn't deliberately aggressive, it's just rough play mostly and sensory issues. This was a planned and calculated attack and a level of violence that had I not seen the state of my son I would refuse to believe goes on at a primary school.

I am not sending him school tomorrow, I want these kids bloody well punished first and something put in place to stop this happening again. It's not the first time he has been targetted but it's never been this bad before.

Not sure what steps I can ask for them to follow but they had better to something. My poor, poor baby :(

OP posts:
Triggles · 15/04/2011 06:47

You say he came home from school that way? The school didn't call you and let you know about it???? Good grief! I would be extremely angry and upset as well!

Have you spoken to the school about how they handled it so far and how they plan to deal with the children that did this? This goes beyond the bullying stage, as this is premeditated and coordinated assault. And these are 7 year olds?!?!

I wouldn't speak to the parents. (frankly because I would be so livid, I don't think I could temper what I said to them) I would initially go through the school and find out how they plan on handling it. I would want something in writing as well, outlining the incident (surely they have had to write something up due to the nature of the incident) and how they are going to deal with it. It's highly unfair that your son has to miss a day of school due to this, rather than them being automatically suspended. I'm concerned about your comment that it's not the first time he has been targeted. Is this an ongoing thing? Why haven't the school done anything - or if they have, what have they done? It sounds like perhaps they need to boost their surveillance of him during free play times for his own protection.

How incredibly sad. I hope your son is feeling a bit better today.

davidsotherhalf · 15/04/2011 08:04

can you remember the big bullying incidents that hit all daily newspapers/ sunday papers/ tv etc about 6yrs ago.....it was my ds that this happened to. tied to tree and whipped at school old bike wheel bolt was put on his forehead and chest and jumped on....taken out school lesson by boys and off school grounds they used electrical tie wraps on his ankles and wrists and locked him in a disused building plus lots more.....i would like to offer you my full support to stop this happening to any child in schools care....if you need to talk or need to know next step pm me and i will help as much as i can.....i know just how your feeling

Marne · 15/04/2011 08:04

Shock, why didn't the school call you? Angry.

If i was you i would take him to the GP this morning, take photo's of his bruises and cuts and report it to the police, they assulted your ds and if the school are not doing anything then i would be tempted to get the police involved (at least it will give the little shits a scare).

Is it the last day of term today? if so i would keep him home.

FauxFox · 15/04/2011 08:12

That is dreadful Sad The school are failing your son (and the other kids that he hurts too actually) in a big way, why are they not providing a full time 1 to 1 to help him approach other kids more appropriately/gently and to protect him from this kind of thing ever happening!?! I would not send him back until they can provide a suitable provision, poor little man Sad

moosemama · 15/04/2011 09:47

Shock Sad Angry Your poor boy. Sad

We had a similar incident last year, when 15 boys attacked my ds and his best friend. To make matters worse, both him and his friend were then punished, along with the perpertrators for fighting! Angry

Like you, we weren't informed what had happened. I only found out from ds when I went to collect him and found him in a terrible state.

Definitely photograph all his injuries. Type/write up a full account of what happened and send it to the Head along with a letter of complaint, asking for them to explain what went wrong, why and what they intend to do about it. Tell them you have photographic evidence of the injuries and specifically ask for the perpertrators to be punished (in our case they weren't other than losing one lunch time play Angry). Ask them to respond in writing by a particular date and make sure you inform them that he is in no fit state either physically or emotionally to attend school and you will not be returning him to them until you are satisfied that the school has taken action to make sure this can never happen again.

As for steps you can ask them to follow. They should have an Anti-bullying Policy, a Safeguarding Children policy and a Behaviour Policy, all three of which will make reference to how the school should handle this sort of situation. There should be set procedures that they need to follow. If the policies aren't on their website, they have to give you a copy if you request them from the office. I have found it very useful to be able to quote the school's own policies and how they have been breached back to them.

In addition to that, they are failing your son under the Disabilites Act and SENCOP, both of which are available to download off the net. I usually find just mentioning those two makes our Head twitch.

I really hope you are able to get this sorted out for your ds. There is no question that the school has failed in their duty of care towards him and need to take this extremely seriously.

((hugs for you and him))

purplerabbitofinle · 15/04/2011 09:54

The school are in loco parentis, and this is a serious failure in their Duty Of Care (phrases to use, they're legal ones!)

Is there anything Social Services can do? This sounds like a Safeguarding issue to me, they have totally failed either to protect your son from this happening or educating the other children not to do it in the first place!

Angry for you

Al1son · 15/04/2011 10:40

If you decide not to address this by calling the police in (which I think you should seriously consider) then I think it should be dealt with at governor level. This was a clearly calculated assault and the children concerned should be excluded at the very least.

It is your business to know exactly how this is dealt with and there must be a very strong message sent to every child, parent and member of staff in the school that it will never be tolerated.

I am so angry that I am shaking! I cannot believe that you were not called in to school immediately!

moosemama · 15/04/2011 11:36

Agree with Al1son, forgot to say copy your letter to the Governors and write them a covering letter as well. I have only just learned that I could do this, as I was always told I had to work my way up through the complaint rankings first.

Could you contact your Community Police officer for advice as well? If any of the attackers were aged 10 they are legally culpable for their behaviour and even if nothing else comes of it, it will hopefully give them a good fright to be told off/warned by a police officer.

Floopytheloopy · 15/04/2011 11:51

Sod the useless school!! Report the little bastards to the police. Do it now! This isn't a silly bit of rough play in the school playgound. This is assault and an incredibly violent one at that. The police should definitely be involved and the school and the little shits parents should be made to feel ashamed. There is no way that children at a primary school should ever be out of sight!!!Angry This is completely unacceptable. I am so upset for your son and you. Whether his behaviour at school is bad or not is completely irrelevant. He has a diagnosis of ASD so the school are obviously aware that his behaviour problems are due to his autism.

I nearly cried reading your post. I don't think i've ever read anything so terrible on here before.

Call the police now!

I wish your son a speedy physical and mental recovery. My thoughts are with you and your family. x

auntevil · 15/04/2011 12:07

I would definitely get a medical professional to document the injuries and take photos. If the school does not act in a fair and legal manner in how they deal with this, you will have all the evidence to present to the police should you choose to do so. A copy of this along with the letter to the school and governors should make sure that nobody who becomes involved in this is not fully aware of what terrible ordeal your DS has been put through.
It appears from what you have said that the school has no effective policy on violent incidents in school. If they had dealt appropriately with previous incidents involving your DS - whether 1-1 supervision or other strategies - this pre-planned escalation in violence would probably not have occurred.

Becaroooo · 15/04/2011 12:15

OK;
Take him to GP - Photograph his injuries.
Make a report to the police of this attack.
Write a letter to the school - copy to Board of governors and OFSTED and the LA.
Am so sorry about this....why in gods name didnt they call you in????????

Ineedalife · 15/04/2011 12:16

Horrible Horrible thing to happen to your Ds, I agree that you should contact the police.SadSad.

moosemama · 15/04/2011 12:29

I think that's what's so disturbing about this Floopy, what the hell was going on in the minds of those other boys that they could or would plan and execute soch a deliberate and violent attack? In my opinion this should warrant immediate exclusion and police involvement, but sadly, I know from my ds's school that this is unlikely to happen.

Rock, you said, your ds is sometimes physical with other children at school, there are reasons for this and it is never deliberate pre-meditated violence. These children don't have any reasons other than violent thuggery, their motivation and intention was clear. Please don't let them tell you that it has anything to do with what may or may not have happened between them and your ds in the past. Our school tried to tell me that my ds was probably beaten up because he 'probably'misread another child's intentions towards him and 'possibly' said something rude to them! Angry As a child with Autism and ADHD, the school is fully aware of your ds's difficulties and has a duty to protect both him and the other children in their care - there is no excuse for this being allowed to happen.

I feel so sad and angry for your son and for you. I know it rips you to the core and leaves you reeling when something like this happens to your child and its hard to think straight and know how to react and get it all dealt with. I've made lots of mistakes in the past by not coming down hard on the school and the individual children in relation to bullying and my poor ds has lived to regret it. Somehow the school always managed to make me feel like the unreasonable one and that somehow it was our fault, as our child is the one with SN, so the other children shouldn't be harshly dealt with. I get so angry and distressed about it at home, but lose my power when face to face with them. I will never understand why they always seem to want to protect the perpertrators while the victim continues to suffer, but sadly it often seems to the be the case. Sad

Nanny0gg · 15/04/2011 12:37

If your son is non-verbal and has other problems, doesn't he have a one-to-one TA who should be with him (albeit at a distance) at all times? If not, why not?
The school seems to be completely lacking in care towards your son and I think Becarooo's advice is spot on.
And please don't even think of sending him back there until you have had a proper plan for his care put into place.

And don't let them even mention the money it might cost...

WhoWhoWhoWho · 15/04/2011 12:43

Oh gosh this is horrible, your poor DS. Sad Shock Angry

My first stop woul be the police to log this officially. Then I would be onto the school, this is appalling.

zzzzz · 15/04/2011 12:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

raffle · 15/04/2011 14:34

God God, that's horrific, I'm with the others. Go to the police, then go into school and make it clear you want this delt with immediately. Have a huge huge hug, and give your boy one from me too.

HelensMelons · 15/04/2011 14:37

Rockmaiden, that's horrendous, how is ds today?

purplerabbitofinle · 15/04/2011 15:48

The school have failed the other children as well by not supporting the to understand your son's difficulties and teaching them about tolerance.

Oh, and if this happened to DP's nephew (NT, mixed race) there would be an utter furore. IMO being given a beating for being disabled and given a beating for being black are one and the same thing.

School have failed in they're duty. Governors, OfSted, Police, Social Services, give them both barrels - they brought it on themselves!!

BialystockandBloom · 15/04/2011 16:10

God your poor ds Sad

Absolutely agree with everyone - photograph all injuries, go to GP, report to police, and write to school governors and LEA with photographs. This is absolutely fucking appalling, I am livid on your behalf Angry

Is it mainstream school? Does he have a statement?

And how dreadfully sad to read others here whose dc have gone through the same thing. Sad

EllenJane1 · 15/04/2011 16:43

Bloody Hell Rockmaiden.

Can't add to the great advice you've received already, really. Just agree that a premeditated attack like this, 3 to 1, older boys and kicking him in the head, bares no relation to a child with SN being too rough. Not his fault, not your fault, bloody awful. If you have any doubts about the way it's being handled by the school, get the police involved. Angry Sad

bullet234 · 15/04/2011 17:11

Your poor ds Sad. I would be going absolutely BALLISTIC at the school. Where was your son's one to one helper during playtime? And yes, if he has severe difficulties, as your post implies, he should have had support during playtime, even if it was just a teacher keeping an unobstrusive eye on things. Why weren't you informed straightaway? Why did a group of 7 year olds, who supposedly had been taught that your ds had significant needs, think it appropriate to attack him like this?

newlife4us · 15/04/2011 18:03

Poor you and your poor DS Sad.

I am appalled that this has been allowed to happen. You should have been called immediately, the school should have told you what punishment was being given to the perpetrators and you should have been told what measures were being put in place to ensure that this never happens again.

I agree with the previous posters - definitely contact the police (if the school won't listen to you they will listen to them!), written complaint to the head and Governors, quote DDA and SENCOP and ask for written reply of what actions the school are putting in place.

With my DD it was verbal and exclusion by other children but it was prolonged. The school spoke to the children but it continued for another year before I moved her away. Her new school were appalled at her emotional state when she joined and told me that if they ever found out that a child in their school ever behaved towards her like this they would stamp it out immediately. save to say it has never happened - the children are lovely towards her and do not treat her differently. I firmly believe that it is because of the way that the school encourages the children to embrace differences.

Not only are your DS's school failing to protect your DS they are failing to educate other pupils of differences in a positive way.

Please do not speak to the parents - i did (in a calm and "i know it's out of character for your child to behave like this" way) and was then an outcast - which didn't help me or my DD. (It was suggested by the school that I speak to the parents myself and it was put to me that the nastiness was usual behaviour for girls reaching year 2).

I really hope the school address the situation properly and that your DS recovers physically and emotionally.

cornwallia · 15/04/2011 20:00

I'm so sorry this has happened. Please post again and let us know how you're getting on.

At 9-10, the boys are under the age of criminal responsibility so the police won't be that interested in doing anything but they should have an anti-social behaviour policy of some sort with the local youth offending team so you could make enquiries about that.

Don't speak to the parents. Your legitimate targets are those that let this happen - school.

sneezecakesmum · 15/04/2011 20:07

Contact the police as well as the school. Photograph his injuries. Make sure he sees a doctor and the injuries are documented.

I am so angry for your DS and you I can't say any more.