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confused, and reposted this here but originally posted in behaviour/development --nonetheless I'd really love your input.

97 replies

eandz · 18/02/2011 11:18

So my DS has incredibly delayed speech. He is 29 months old. We were seeing a private speech therapist but nothing really progressed. We've finally seen an NHS SALT person and DS begins therapy with her in 3 weeks time (the waiting list in our area is long and oversubscribed).

We did makaton/play therapy/toddler groups/play dates. Some progress, but very little on a whole.

He does all non verbal communication. He has about 45 words now, and 2-4 phrases that are very infrequent but used in the right context. He is generally quite well behaved.

When we had our first SALT visit they suggested that we should put him in nursery as soon as we could.

She suggested one that had good SALT support and since this nursery does have a space open, I've decided I'll put DS in.

Will nursery really help him? Or will he be lost in the crowd? He has tonnes of allergies, of which are red fruits+eggs. I will definitely make the nursery aware of this, but whats the likelihood that they will remember? I'm having anxiety issues thinking of him trying to trade his approved snacks with someones strawberry.

Is there anything I can put on him (he refuses bracelets) that makes sure he doesn't eat certain things? He's non verbal so he can't really say 'no red fruits+eggs' and tbh he's been trying to eat tomatoes for almost a week. (I eat tomatoes in private--I eat them like apples).

He does love to play with other children and is generally sociableshares his snacks/holds handshugs. I'm afraid that I've started to hope he'll develop better speech when he goes, is it possible?

I've posted about his behavior before/started threads. He's had a long list allergies/terrible reflux.

just re-posting this is filling me with more dread. I think he might be somewhere on the Autistic spectrum. I'll post about that later.

OP posts:
Becaroooo · 08/03/2011 11:41

eandz I lost "friends" too because of ds1.

That sounds horrible, but what I mean is I became isolated because I just couldnt deal with seeing all the other babies/toddlers - some much younger than ds1 - doing things ds1 couldnt and hearing their others bang on about how wonderful motherhood was when ds1 wouldnt/couldnt do things and because I found motherhood tortuous at the time Sad

My NCT group stopped phoning to invite me to meet ups because everytime they rang, we had just had further bad news from the paeds/he was ill etc etc....I think they got the stage where they didnt know what to say Sad

Dont be around people who stress you out...it just not worth it in the long run.

eandz · 08/03/2011 11:56

becaroo

isn't it annoying when some of those mothers just won't stop harping on and on about getting together for coffee?

I generally feel like saying: "My son doesn't speak, i don't know when I'll finally know, my mil and dh feel like they should have married each other and you want me to drink coffee with you AND eat a slice of CAKE?!"

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Becaroooo · 08/03/2011 13:15

eandz I dont even like coffee!! Smile

I have found - with experience - that the people you meet and socialise with when your children are very small are not neccesarily the sort of people that you would normally choose to spend time with IYSWIM??

I know that I have spent time with people that I would normally cross the road to avoid just because we have children the same - or similar - age.

Madness.

Sorry if I sound harsh, I have met some really nice people, honestly!!!

eandz · 08/03/2011 21:23

Becaroo

I'm usually the girl no one wants to cross the street and say 'hello' to. :( I think it's because until 10 months ago, my biggest obsession --besides how well my DS dressed was how well my nails were done and if I had a single hair out of place.

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Becaroooo · 09/03/2011 07:25

Then I am the complete opposite!!!

I look like nothing on earth when I do the school run in the mornings Grin My hair - usually pulled back in a ponytail so people cant see I havent washed it for 3 days Blush - Jeans, crocs and dh's warm jacket. I look spectacular Hmm

My dc always look smart though...I have a "thing" about white cltohes looking white, you know? First hint of greyness and in the bin the go!

Off to chester to get Tom asseesed by INPP today...gulp

eandz · 09/03/2011 09:24

Becaroo

I hope today brings you more clarity :)! (it's what I'm hoping for anyway).

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TotalChaos · 09/03/2011 18:00

Agree that mummy type friendships can be a bit shallow. Would try and keep on with some of the child free friends tho, as it can be a sanity saver talking about non kid or sn stuff, and not havin to hear about other peoples little geniuses.

eandz · 09/03/2011 19:35

Okay, fine. I'm just not trendy Z anymore. :(

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TotalChaos · 09/03/2011 19:42

You will get trendy z back, may take a while, but you do come out the other side of the stress/worry, at first it was like there was a huge dividing line between pre and post sn mothering in terms of general innocence, i will be honest and say i was in a bad way for about twelve months, forcing ,myself not to think about language delay, every comparison to normal kids was like a stab to the heart. But you adapt, you do what it takes to help your chils communicate, the moral support on here was a lifeline to me.

eandz · 09/03/2011 19:46

:) that helps actually. i looked in the mirror today--first time in almost a month and saw frizzy hair, bushy eyebrows and horrible skin. i don't know when i'm going to come back. it's soo weird to see myself like this. blah, i guess sooner rather than later, i'm just too shallow to see more health professionals looking like i eat rats by moonlight.

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ArthurPewty · 09/03/2011 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eandz · 09/03/2011 23:09

i know, i feel it too. i've got people 2 yrs younger than me calling me 'ma'am'.

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TotalChaos · 10/03/2011 07:27

Leonie, i am four years on and just have the one, so things have settled (may all go pear shaped for junior school, mind) so have had a chance to recover, where you are still in thick of pre school statementing stuff etc.

I have still half of the five stone to lose, sigh. Am not a big drinker so turned to food.

ArthurPewty · 10/03/2011 08:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Becaroooo · 10/03/2011 10:45

oh leonie So sorry its so tough for you atm...I can really empathise with the looking in the mirror and not recognizing yourself...I still feel like I did at 17!!! Still like the same music, the smae (purile) things still make me laugh, I still feel like I should try to change the world BUT then I look the mirror and think
"fuck!!! Who is that old woman????"
"Ah, yes, that would be me"
Sad

Am 2 stone overweight, have got back problems, joint problems, gall stones, GERD, gilberts syndrome, ME/CFS and am generally falling apart - albeit slowly - bits of hair, bits of my body and bits of my sanity Grin

soooo....yesterday.

Went very well. Dont want to go into too much detail but they think they can help ds1 and he was assessed and given some exercises to do at home.

The lady who assessed him (and the Dr who did the initial assessment) have used the terms "dyspraxia" and "APD".

Am off to google them in a minute!

I know you guys can tell me more about them too Smile

The doctor told me that - from what I had told him and the info I had faxed him - he was expecting a child with quite severe difficulties and actually told me that we are "very lucky" that ds1 is how he is and not really very disabled Sad I have always felt and told people I felt like this, but to have a doctor say it was a bit like a kick to the chest.

I just wish I could turn the clock back and do this 2 years ago, you know?

So, back in 6 weeks to go over the findings of the assessment and a hearing test for APD.

Thanks for much for all your support, I cannot tell you how much you have all helped me and my son x

ArthurPewty · 10/03/2011 11:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Becaroooo · 10/03/2011 11:14

yep, sounds like it leonie Sad You can rest your head on my (very!) ample bosom anytime!! Grin

ArthurPewty · 10/03/2011 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Becaroooo · 10/03/2011 11:31

Thanks!

And I thought I was impressive with my measly 34FF's!!!

Grin
TotalChaos · 10/03/2011 19:42

Only a matter of time before i inherit the high bp and underactive thyroid in the maternal line, and have aches worse in moist weather, i do feel my body is older than my age iyswim!

Glad it was productive becaroo, if there has been undiagnosed apd no wonder your ds has been finding it hard at school, hopefully they will be more careful about making sure he understands tasks/instructions.

Becaroooo · 11/03/2011 08:56

TC Yes, I hope so. His teacher did say at parents evening that he needs lots of input...he forgets instructions if given more than 2....poor love.

Am hoping that now the HT and teacher know that ds1 is being assessed and that he is being referred to the comm paed by his own GP that they will be a bit more understanding/observant.

To be fair, they have been pretty good as he has only been there 3 months and they dont know him that well yet.

Can I confess something??? A few weeks ago I got so frustrsated with him...he was moaning about doing his homework...it was too hard, he didnt understand etc etc and I called him lazy Sad Feel dreadful about that now.....Sad

Was watching a dvd with him last night (Ice age!!) and there was a bit where the squirrel went to squirrel heaven. I asked him what/who would be in his heaven and he said;
"You. And a Bugatti Veyron"
Grin

TotalChaos · 11/03/2011 15:42

Just say getting ta to get him to confirm instructions back cld be helpful in class. Also visuals in class cld help, signage etc

dont feel guilty about losing patience, even when the communication problem isnt their fault we are all human and can mildly get frustrated.

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