confused, and reposted this here but originally posted in behaviour/development --nonetheless I'd really love your input.

[eandz]

So my DS has incredibly delayed speech. He is 29 months old. We were seeing a private speech therapist but nothing really progressed. We've finally seen an NHS SALT person and DS begins therapy with her in 3 weeks time (the waiting list in our area is long and oversubscribed).

We did makaton/play therapy/toddler groups/play dates. Some progress, but very little on a whole.

He does all non verbal communication. He has about 45 words now, and 2-4 phrases that are very infrequent but used in the right context. He is generally quite well behaved.

When we had our first SALT visit they suggested that we should put him in nursery as soon as we could.

She suggested one that had good SALT support and since this nursery does have a space open, I've decided I'll put DS in.

Will nursery really help him? Or will he be lost in the crowd? He has tonnes of allergies, of which are red fruits+eggs. I will definitely make the nursery aware of this, but whats the likelihood that they will remember? I'm having anxiety issues thinking of him trying to trade his approved snacks with someones strawberry.

Is there anything I can put on him (he refuses bracelets) that makes sure he doesn't eat certain things? He's non verbal so he can't really say 'no red fruits+eggs' and tbh he's been trying to eat tomatoes for almost a week. (I eat tomatoes in private--I eat them like apples).

He does love to play with other children and is generally sociableshares his snacks/holds handshugs. I'm afraid that I've started to hope he'll develop better speech when he goes, is it possible?

I've posted about his behavior before/started threads. He's had a long list allergies/terrible reflux.

just re-posting this is filling me with more dread. I think he might be somewhere on the Autistic spectrum. I'll post about that later.

star You sound dangerously like my MIL!!!

ds2 was in a terrible temper one day (rolling on floor, squealing, pounding his little fists etc etc and I was doing as usual and ignoring him) and she looked at me and said

"he gets that from your side"

wtf???????????

She is mad as a box of frogs

:( vile woman.

DH feels a little rejected that his little sister never calls to ask about DS. While my sisters are all over his every move. Makes me feel like, at least my family cares, whereas his family just want to ignore DS or accuse me for him not living up to their standards.

eandz I kind of agree with leonie.....over the years I have taken the decision to "pick my fights"...by that I mean only get angry/upset etc if there is any chance that it will affect the behaviour/outcome. If there isnt any chance (ie.with my MIL) I just dont bother. I learnt the hard way though

Its so great that your family are so supportive

...oh, and I am just waiting for the comments from MIL that ds1's issues come "from my side" or are my fault for some thing I did/didnt do

im really lucky my MIL would say that but we stopped talking to her when we got engaged 17 yrs ago horrible woman awful mother to my DH who has AS and was left home alone constantly as a child to fend for himself at 5 god only knows how hes still here

:)

thanks girls.

I do have to admit that I'm having a lot of anxiety about how N is going to be diagnosed. I know that it won't be aspergers because he has a language delay. Do you guys think that his reflux+the fact that he's lost his front left tooth have anything to do with his speech development? Am I just going back into denial?

We went to the playground today and N was playing with two other boys, and one of them was 1.5 yrs old. He kept sayings words and my entire being just welled with despair. I waited as long as I could, before I placed N in his buggy and went to a quiet bench to have my cry.

i've avoided most of my friends lately. do you think i should ask for anti depressants?

My Nephew went to speech unit, ONLY becasue he lost his two front teeth when he was 2 (niece shoved him down the stairs) as it severley affected his speech.

I completely understand how you feel about other younger children. My DS makes this constant funny sound (that is no words just some nasaly odd sound) and I get fed up of people asking me how old he is - in a very obviously wondering why he is not talking way - it does get you down, but when he first when to SALT at 27 months he coud say NOTHING at all, so his 50 or so words now at 3 and a half, to me is amazing! Plus he is starting to echo, which he could never do. he cannot retain a lot of the cho words to use them himself - he needs to hear them first

eandz I can totally sympathise re; speech.

Both of my sons have had/got speech delay.

What did I do?/what didnt I do?

Dh and I are educated to degree level and have pretty good vocabularies and we have interacted with our dc since day 1. We talk to them, engage them and spend time with them. Why werent they talking at 1????? I dont know.

I feel the same re: ds1's issues wrt literacy....I read voraciously and always have done, my house is full of books. I have read to both my dc since they were tiny....how can he not be able to read???? how can he hate it so much????? I dont know.

I wish I had the answers, I really do.

People give me such odd looks when they talk to ds2...he is only 2 but looks much older and they are always surprised when I tell them he doesnt talk much.

ds1 went to nursery at 3.3...didnt help his speech at all. So much for that theory! I refused SALT for him as I felt very strongly that it was just normal speech immaturity and he would grow out of it. He did. He is now 7 and has the vocab of a teenager....he expresses himself beautifully.

In fact, ds1's oral abilties have blinded HCPs and schools to his other problems. He is very bright and very verbally expressive....she just cant read or write well

ds2 is going to nursery in September. I dont think it will help is speech, but I think he will enjoy it.

I think you need to speak to someone if N's issues and your feelings about them are isolating you. Perhaps you could speak to your GP (or HV if you have a good relationship with her)

xxxx

leonie Blimey, she sounds like a barrel of laughs

We have told PIL and my parents that we are getting ds1 assessed privately.

PIL think I am a spendthrift anyway, so no doubt they think its just something else to spend their sons money on

My parents have been more supportive - even offered me some money (which they cant really afford, unlike PILs!!) - but I think deep down they just wish I would shut up and not "make a scene", you know? Although my mum went very quiet when I told her that our GP - who she idolises - agreed with me that ds1 needed further investigation....

Don't worry if your DS gets a high functioning ASD DX rather than AS. The only difference for the different DX is the language delay. It makes no difference to how your DS will develop or what support he'll need later on. Any language delay will benefit from a good SALT program. Emphasis on good and specifically tailored to your DS.

My DS1 is NT (but geeky) and had language delay. Reducing my language really helped him and he got there in the end. DS 2 with HF ASD needed a reason to communicate and using PECS got him started and even the echolalia helped his development. It was too easy to think he understood me well when in fact he'd only understood one word and guessed the rest from visual clues and context. Won't shut up about his obsessions now!

Am really not sure what I am expecting from our appt with the paed on monday....just another opionion I guess....

evil mils. evil, evil.

E - is it friends with kids you are avoiding, ie is there a reason for avoiding them, or is it just you are feeling crappy with all this worry?either way speak to gp or hv whoever you have faith in as to how you are feeling, and when understandable stress tips over into depression.
I had all that painful comparing to other kids thing as well when s was little, it is hard.

Btw i also found simplifying language useful with my boy

Leonie, is your MIL autistic!

not many of my friends have children. everyone rolls their eyes at me when i come to dinner parties late/only wear dark 'sludge' colors/wear crocs when we go dancing. they do think it's odd that N will never say 'hello/goodbye' to them when they come to visit, and they always bring him treats.

There is one girl who has a kid, but the things she does with her ds are too stressful to hear about/witness, and generally i want to call social services to report her. She is super gentle and loving and everything she does has been done for generations in her family--and they couldn't be wrong so I do try to avoid her or else I'll probably say way too many things I shouldn't and then I won't have a single person close to my age with a baby.

(for example, she keeps her child in 5-6 layers of clothing at all times half of those layers are thermals) but then the heating in her home is always at the highest temperature so whenever I hold her ds, he's always drenched in sweat. She's always talking about how she pours warm oil in his ears to make him comfortable every other day etc.

The other mothers at the playground with children the same age just expect me to hurry up and put N into nursery so we can have coffee. We all used to do play dates and stuff, and run in the mornings but ever since I've realized there is something not quite the same, I've been avoiding them.