Things you want to say but can't...

[Spinkle]

Thought it might be necessary useful for our poor beleagured mental health to have a thread where we could just unload. Don't need a back story.

Just the things you want to say but can't. Bad language too, if it makes you feel better,

Here's mine.

No, I do not wish to watch Chicken Run again I would rather eat my own head.

"I'm on the toilet - just for once can i have 1 minute of peace and quiet?"

Yes actually I DO think you should have organised someone to sit behind him and poke him when he started fidgeting / talking to himself rather than exclude him from the Nativity Play.

"I'm not interested in things that are controlled with buttons. really, really I'm not."

"I don't know, Mrs X, why his year 2 teacher got so much more written work out of him. Ask HER!"

In approx 50 weeks time - phone call to MIL:

I have dreadful attack of flu - we can't come on Christmas Day.

No, I can't see that it will be better by Boxing Day.
Well if you want to take the risk* [of entertaining DC's and DH without me so I can watch TV all day...]

*cunning plan - they will assume this is risk of infection. Fules.

mwhaahaa

I don't know what's for lunch tomorrow. or tea. or lunch on Friday. or tea. (and so on) no, you can't have strawberries after tea, yes there will be banana.

Can we please just nip to the shops/park/beach/school without a song & fecking dance! Honestly going out of the house isn't going to kill you!

Please stop asking everyone to wash their hands before they go within a bloody mile of your books/toys etc.
My hands are not going to cause any damage to them!!

Stop breaking every fecking thing you lay your hands on! I'm going to stop buying you anything electrical if you don't stop!

No I don't know how it works, and if we take it apart I can guarantee you I'll not be able to put it back together.

No you can't have something to eat/drink, you've already had seceral things and can't be hungry.

No, I don't want to see what's on next.. and what's on next after that and after that... and no you cannot have the laptop to go on the cbeebies website....

and always always when we go somewhere:

don't you have something better to do than rubberneck at someone else?? It's a TANTRUM for god's sake, not a nuclear warhead - it's REALLY not worthy of that much attention.

or what's I'd truly truly love to say to those who are tutting or commenting when DS2 is having a meltdown:

PISS OFF!

I feel better now.

No, I do not wish to watch The Snowman again I would rather eat my own head.

'don't wanna hear it' (actually I say this sometimes)

'I know you have stopped screaming but I'm not going to come and let you out of your bedroom because quite frankly I am enjoying not having you around for a bit'

'FFS I don't care what's inside milk/arms/sofas/poos/hair/water/door handles etc.'

'If you enjoyed the show, how about some money for his upkeep?'

To assembled professionals:
"thank you so much for your well meaning words about my son and I'm glad you all think he's so lovely, bright etc. But the fact is that none of you has a feckin clue how hard it is looking after him. Although you are trying to make positive comment it can't detract from the lack of hope and crushing sadness I feel every time we meet to discuss my son. "

Or something....

You are TWELVE, take [ insert random object] OUT of your mouth!

Stop picking your feet it's gross

and if you flap one more time my head may actually implode!

i would love to say..."I've won the Euromillions and all the equipment's on me!"...but sadly i cant...maybe one day tho!

Oh yes

'flap again and I'll make you into a flapjack!'

um... is now slightly worried because she has actually said a few of these

was I not meant to?

No. We're not going out for a walk. You're 18 stone and I have to push the wheelchair. You're 18 stone because suckers like me feed you biscuits and pudding and push your wheelchair to the shops so you can buy chocolate. Because if i don't, it'll be a breach of your human rights. So fuck off, my shoulders fucking hurt and i want a real adult to talk to for five minutes.

Your teddy is not smiling at you. I do not want to have to go upstairs (again) to ooh and aah at how cute and funny he is.

To everyone to says ' awwww bless him'

don't blooming bless him.. He doesn't need it.. He's being an arse!.. Bless me instead .. Because I do need it so I don't explode!

( unless you are one of my very best friends who actually know ds.. Or happen to have a child on the spectrum and your smiling with empathy whilst saying it)

to all of my dc's.. When mummys voice is slow and quite and deathly cold.. It would be in your favour to stop whatever it is your doing ... Right away!

Oh and to a certain adult.. You have recieved everyother email of mine.. Just because you do not like my response.. Don't pretend you didn't get it and send an arrogant demanding email in return.. You are a complete numpty and I actually can't even be bothered to hate you.. Now go drop off the face of the planet there's a dear!

To soon to be ex head teacher:-

fuck off you smarmy bitch,stop telling me my son is responsible for his levels backsliding, and accept the blame for your inadequat [sp] teachers. Stop treating me as if I am thick and can not know anything about sen provision or inclusion within mainstream.

I feel better now

'How is ds lining up good progress? He has autism. Lining up is his thing'.

No wait, - I did say that!

To Dd2...

FFS stop deliberatly breaking the rules just to wind Dd3 up!!!

To the Headteacher/SENCO...

Go fuckin read some Tony Atwood!!!

Surely half the point of the home/school diary is that school read and respond to the HOME bit?(oh hang on this is what I WILL be saying next week at meeting)

To people who say I don't know how you do it - BECAUSE I HAVE NO FUCKING CHOICE!