Do those of you with SN children sometimes look at some 'problems' on this board and think if only?

[oliveoil]

I lurk quite frequently on the SN board and am astounded tbh at some of the things you have to deal with on a daily basis.

Then I think of some of the 'problems' that I have posted about and they seem pathetic in comparison.

Do you sometimes roll your eyes at what you see posted?

god I bet they do

I would

me too

Someone will now post how we are all valid and I am talking through my arse (as per).

err yes. But actually I hate feeling like that. Going to bare my soul now - but seriously - quite often have a conversation with dh (and a friend) about fighting not to become horribly bitter and twisted. The trouble is you end up very isolated anyway- but then when I do venture into the real world I find I can;t handle it (and begin to twist). When I feel like that I just keep away from mnet for a while. I've also found it helpful to realise (and then accept) that actually most people don't care- and that includes family. The one's that do care are extra special!

Anyway have found a way round it. Am now doing something completely away from children one day a week - and am finding it means I can have RL but without the resentment side of it. Kind of. I'm enjoying it!

how fab

what are you doing?

dont feel bad about being bitter, god so would i sometimes

i feel that often on the relationship threads. i also hate feeling like it, but quietly seethe about how lucky some people are to moan about their dh not doing the washing up. but i wouldnt wish what i have to deal with onanyone.

I don't think it makes you bitter and twisted, human yes. I would find it hard too, I would be comparing all the time.

I am been worrying about dd2 not moving/crawling/walking (13 mths) and it made me think of real problems iyswim and I have shut up about it.

I think everyone should read this board for a bit of perspective.

JimJams and everyone else you always have my undying admiration.

How you guys put one front of the other some times is beyond me.

That is why I love MN it is such a leveller, and you meet people from all walks of life.

I remember moaning to myself one day re money and then I came on here and some one was trying to decide which bill to pay first and how much of the food bill they could slash that week to make the numbers balance.

That was a real eye opener.

Hope this makes sense.

errr busman's holiday Enid. I'm heading into autism research- never done psychology before so doing a postgrad thing part time this year and next, but hoping to get some sort of postdoc funding from sometime next year. The group on the course are lovely, the staff seem lovely, and real life.

TBH though I have my own leveller. Whenever I go into ds1's school, and every morning when the bus picks him up. As well as SLD, his school is PMLD, and I think children with PMLD teach you a lot about what is important in life.

misdee I think about you a lot!

totally agree with you JJ, having a child with SN puts you on a totally different path in lifes travels
everyday becomes precious
and also the wanting to get out of the house to do something constructive for yourself

but to the original question no not really, everyone has problems

I have to say, my friend who lost both her legs in an accident (very similar injuries to that poor girl injured in the London bombings) still moans about her hair sometimes!

A definite no to the eye-rolling but I have to admit that some threads leaving me thinking "If only....." - usually in a wistful way rather than a bitter one.

TBH I think it depends how much the disability affects you. The hardest thing I find about ds1 (and the thing that makes me find it hard to listen to some moans) is the isolation, and the effect it has on the entire family. So the fact that we really can't go anywhere at all. And I really do mean anywhere. I hate being trapped in. DH at the moment has a fit because people at work keep saying to him "hope you have a relaxing weekend" because he knows it's quite likely to be hell.

I have a funny suspicion that this thread may go pear shaped and I'll end up looking like some bitter and twisted self obsessed velcro cow. Which I think is unfair, because I think very few people have the faintest idea how much ds1's disability affects every waking moment of our life (and his siblings). BUt then when I say that people think that I'm over dramatising. I think I'm in a lose-lose situation so will shut up. The people I know who have children with SN who don't feel like rolling their eyes at times, and don't ever feel remotely bitter and twisted - ime are often pretty much able to access all of life. They can go away, they can go shopping, they can go to theme parks, they can go out as a family, they can have a holiday, they do have access to childcare.

OO - I read your crawling thread- I didn;t roll my eyes- I laughed because ds1 didn;t crawl until 13 months and I remember being desperate for him to, ds3 has just started at 8 months and I'm desperate for him to not crawl!

Of course people are allowed to moan about whatever they like. I get as pissed off as the next person with running out of milk unexpectedly. As I'm sure the mums of children with PMLDs do.

i think that being a mother full stop throws all kinds of things at you, yes it is hard being a mum of my SN son and daughter of which some know about, but then you get the greater part of grattitude and appreciation when they do their first things like dylan is now taking 6 independant steps, it takes him a while but i am so proud of him, he gets his splints on tuesday.
I am waiting for the day that he calls me mummy in such desperation as i find it really hard at times that he can not speak, but then in the same way, i know when he wants me and i know in his mind he is saying mummy.
Things are what you make them, and i think that any mum should have some ME TIME, its hard no matter what life throws at you.
Every one on here is an inspiration to others as we as parents open up about the problems that we have and people will be appreciative of the advise on things that they may feel uncomfortable about asking or Threading themselves.
I think joining MN is the best thing that i have ever done since finding out that my son had problems, but it would have been good even if there were no problems.

Butty.xxx

A potentially controversial thread and mention of a velcro cow.........where's Davros?

I dont but I'm sure others do!

Each person deals with their childs problems in a different way and what might be felt as a "problem" by some, isnt to others.

Some parents may worry about their child not being able to sit in a resturant without causing all the other diners to ask to be reseated....but then there are some who wish they could make it into the restuarant in the first place. The childs difficulties might not be as severe but the behaviour is still a "problem" to the poster.

Im pretty sure that those who post here are understanding and would hope that none of them would think that anyones concerns about their childs difficulties were "pathetic".

I didn't think this was a controversial thread , am I going to upset everyone again?

i think it will only be controversial if people let it be!!!
Let's just hope it doesn't get that way!!!
Butty.xxx

Jimjams....your last post was spot on.

Yesterday for the very first time I thought "Oh sh*t" when I looked at the clock and saw that J would be home from school in 5 mins....DS1 and I were having a lovely chat about his day and I just knew that in 5 mins time the calm and peace in the house would be disrupted as the whirl wind arrived home....it shook me a little as I have never felt like that before

I was only joking about the controversial thing. Sorry.

Yes to be honest sometimes I do look at others posts and think "wow, I wouldn't even have thought of that as a special need", but then others I read and think "wow, I don't know if I could cope with what they are going through"

Coppertop, you don't have to hide behind me!!!!!!!!
I think it's good that we can all get our points across and let out the frustration that we feel inside.
Personally, i have problems with people (at home) that just think that i exaggerate how tough my day really is and don't stop to think about the kids and how they are really affected.
Dylan is almost 3, he can't really walk, he can not talk, his communication is difficult, hence i am learning and teaching rest of family makaton.
Everyday things that i took for granted with chloe can not be expected of dylan, he has a 2 year delay physically and is classed as a 7 month old for speech.
People really just don't listen and think i want them to feel sorry for me, but i don't, I FEEL SORRY FOR THEM, FOR BEING PATHETIC INDIVIDUALS WITH NO UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT THINGS ARE REALLY LIKE!!!!!!!!!
I know it sounds harsh, but thats how i feel, especially when certain individuals say that things arn't that bad or they could be worse, yes that is true, but they don't live my life.
There are people on here who i admire for coping with the pressures of raising an sn child at the extremer level. I find it hard to cope now and my sons problems are bad but could be worse.
We all deserve recognition in our own way, and those that appear to be ignorant or none understanding are more than likely scared of dealing with such matters themselves that they really don't have the first clue about!!!
Any way rant over.
Butty.xxx

I get annoyed with people in RL who should know better - I can think of some people who say some really crass things and you just think "err wtf?" but then I'm always amazed at people who say parade their pregnancies in front of people ttc for example. Which is no different. I have some RL friends who have gine through hell with that. The lack of empathy some people have for other people's situations always surprises me tbh, whether it involves SN or not. I think with SN there's just more chance to observe it!