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Original poster

Well I may as well just give up

64 replies

TheArsenicCupCake · 03/11/2010 19:04

Meeting with school went okay ..Actually it went pretty well.

However.. Ex pils have written to the school and are having a meeting with the school this week... I think they are doing it on exdh's written permission to step in for him.

They have written and interfered with every single agency or proffessional that have had anything to do with ds2 .. They do not hold parental responsibility.. But yet they seem to just roll on in and do what they want.
School have said they will not take away support and provision for ds..but why should they even talk about my ds and his education.. Why should they be allowed to go into a meeting and gain information about him?
And why should they get the chance to try and scupper the help that ds needs?

But.. You know I give up.. I can't seem to stop them..No matter what I do..

So I just bloody give up..

OP posts:
GunpowderTreasonAndSNOTSleeves · 03/11/2010 19:06

eh?!?! surely they have no legal rights

can you write to the school, ccing it to all relevant agencies, stating that you expressly refuse permission for your son's education to be discussed with anyone other than his parents?

bigcar · 03/11/2010 19:09

I'm surprised the school have allowed it, they don't have parental responsibility. Might be time to get some legal advice, have you tried posting on the legal board? Sympathies.

sarah293 · 03/11/2010 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ArthurPewty · 03/11/2010 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ineed2 · 03/11/2010 19:13

It seems bizarre to me that the school are willing to discuss you son with tem, they must be rolling out a load of ofsted speak and frightening the school into it.

Maybe it won't have any impact on you Ds and the school are just paying them lip service, they are quite good at that IME. I think you are probably right to give up because it sounds like your exPIL's are the type of people who feed off others fear and upset. Sad.

I know your Ds's have to see them but maybe you can just try to completely seperate them from your life.
Sorry you are having to go through this, my mum went through similar crap when we were little.

LucindaCarlisle · 03/11/2010 19:16

Write to the director of Education asking whether you can prevent this meeting taking place.

Would your son be willing to sign a letter objecting to PILS speaking to his school?

Original poster
TheArsenicCupCake · 03/11/2010 19:17

I have told the school exactly what I think about it.. The y were good enough to tell me that a letter had been written and a meeting set up.. And the basic content to that letter.

The basic arguement is that my dh ( stepdad without PR) comes into meetings with me .. However in my eyes he brings ds up ( since he was a baby) So it's handy if we all know what is going on.

But the grandparents aren't even going in with ex.. He just won't be there..
School want to be transparent in information.. They won't stop the help.. But they are hoping to educate the expils ..

It won't happen.. They will take it out on the boys

OP posts:
LucindaCarlisle · 03/11/2010 19:19

Write to the school suggesting that you be present at the meeting. Say you object to the meeting and ask them to check the legality of it.

GunpowderTreasonAndSNOTSleeves · 03/11/2010 19:21

Kick ass Arsenic, write formally and expressly withold permission for them to do this

LucindaCarlisle · 03/11/2010 19:25

IF your dh has not got PR, then he has no power to delegate any responsibility to his parents.
I would send a letter to the county solicitor (copy to HT) asking him to adjudicate on the legality of the PILS having a meeting with the school.

You need to make a strong stand against them. better still, Get your solicitor to write to the HT and the county Solicitor.

Original poster
TheArsenicCupCake · 03/11/2010 19:26

I dont think I've got any fight left tbh..
I'll call and see if I can attend the meeting as I would be the only person with PR there.

Trouble is ex has given permission for them to act on his behalf and he does have PR.

I don't know anymore. :(

OP posts:
imahappycamper · 03/11/2010 19:29

I too am surprised the school will allow it without getting your permission as well as your ex's. It is one thing taking someone with you to a meeting (Grannies often accompany their daughters to parents eves etc) but having a meeting on their own puts the school on very dodgy ground.

Original poster
TheArsenicCupCake · 03/11/2010 19:42

I think so happycamper .. I think it's very dodgey indeed.

I don't want to come across as obstructive, but I am very very uncomforatbke with them being treated as if they have PR.

I'll make a few calls tomorrow

OP posts:
WetAugust · 03/11/2010 19:51

That's not on Arsenic.

the LA when i used to meet them would only alow me to bring someone to the meetings who had 'a role in his care'. I would suggest that your PIls don't.

Complain in *writing8 to Head and then to Governors.

You can also state that they are not permitted to discuss your son without you present - I played that card and it worked.

I know you feel at the end of your tehther but honestly, write that letter - it's worth it.

Best wishes

LucindaCarlisle · 03/11/2010 19:53

Google "Head Teachers sharing Pupils personal Information"

I am sure that this should be Not allowed.

LucindaCarlisle · 03/11/2010 20:38

Are these the PILS who are retired Inspectors? They SHOULD know that this is totally NOT allowed.

lisad123isgoingcrazy · 03/11/2010 20:58

im pretty sure they arent allowed to discuss your son with anyone apart from person with PR unless there are CP concerns. I would seriously be having words!

LucindaCarlisle · 03/11/2010 21:02

Someone has posted a query on www.tes.co.uk in the Forum "headteachers" for you. The School is totally out of order this time.

bigcar · 03/11/2010 21:11

don't know if this is any use. Don't see anywhere a mention about having to talk to anyone without parental responsibility. Expil definitely don't come under the legal definition of 'parent'.

Original poster
TheArsenicCupCake · 03/11/2010 21:24

Thanks guys

yes this is the retired ofsted inspector.. And I know he knows better but it never stops him.

And how can a family of educators try and prevent access to an education through extra provision.? I don't get it!

OP posts:
Original poster
TheArsenicCupCake · 03/11/2010 21:33

Bigcar... That's bloody fab .. Having read the parent in education law my now DH should be treated as a parent as ds lives with and is cared for by him.. Therefore ex cannot argue that dh shouldn't be in meetings etc..

So if I use that and the data protection act .. That should do it.

I'm going to print that page out and write the letter.
( running on reserve tether here).

OP posts:
Original poster
TheArsenicCupCake · 03/11/2010 21:40

Wetaugust.. The expils don't have a role in his care.. They visit the grandparents when they are at their dads but dad is supposed to be in charge.

OP posts:
IndigoBell · 03/11/2010 22:33

I'm thinking that if you're there then they would be legally allowed to discuss your son - but if you weren't there then they wouldn't be able to give out any personal details. (So don't attend?)

It sounds like they are supporting you. Is it possible they agreed to the meeting - but have no attention of giving any details in the meeting - because they know that legally they can't?

Bigpants1 · 03/11/2010 22:34

Absolutely stand your ground on this. If they get to attend the meeting this time, that wil give them, in their minds, carte blanche to do the same again.
If they have interfered with other agencies, send them,(the agencies involved with ds), the same letter and info that you are sending to the school, then everyone is very clear re your wishes.
Perhaps your ex-pils are "old-school" and dont believe in these "new fangled conditions" and cos they didnt have extra support in their day, your ds doesnt need it now. Ignore, Ignore Ignore and concentrate on your ds. Take Care.

WetAugust · 03/11/2010 23:12

Wetaugust.. The expils don't have a role in his care.. They visit the grandparents when they are at their dads but dad is supposed to be in charge.

That's why I said they shouldn't be allowed to discuss your child without you present (if at al).

The 'role in care' that i mentioned would permit your DH to attend.

Absolutely refuse them access to schol - it's shocking that they are trying to do this.

Best wishes