How do you deal with the aftermath of a meltdown??

[essbee]

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HI essbee,

No real advice I'm afraid but {{{hugs}}} as we are in a similar situation with my ds who is 5. His behaviour was really bad about 10 months ago and we had all sorts of problems at home and at school. He's ok at the moment but can still be very unpredictable.

We did have some success with stopping him wrecking his room by making him stay in there until he had tidied it back up. Obviously this tactic wouldn't have been much use last night but perhaps you could tell him he has to tidy it after school before he gets to do anything else.

DS took 3 1/2 hours to tidy up the first time we did this and he was furious with me as he hates tidying at any time. But it only took another couple of times before he realised that the only person that was going to be hurt by wrecking his room was himself and he stopped. He has started doing it on several occasions but stops when he is reminded who will be tidying up.

Hope that helps.

hope you are ok esbee...though i have boys with AS and ADHD...have not had the 'smashing up' behaviour so feel unable to comment.

however...i just wanted to say i am thinking of you!

TBH I switch off as much as I can, clean up any mess, don't bother decorating my house and drink wine each evening. If ds1 is upset after a meltdown I cuddle him.

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Do you just ignore the meltdown Jimjams? Does this "wine" stuff help?

I have tried in vain to do this - one in progress at the moment...! I get sooo wound up!

Essbee - I totally empathise with you, it is so hard. I do make ds tidy his room when he has trashed it and it does generally cause more major ructions.

How did ds take having to tidy his room Essbee?

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I don't think there's much I can do chocol8. I make sure he's safe which means I can't leave him to it as he headbutts things including flimsy windows. What I mean is that I try to almost meditate my way through it- so remove myself mentally/emotionally otherwise I lose my temper. Once he's calmed a little I try to get in with a cuddle, but after a particularly fraught day wine helps (except last xmas day when at 39 weeks pregnant I ended up in hospital with a ridiculously high blood pressure after a whole day of meltdowns- it dropped after a few cups of tea )

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Aww Jimjams and Essbee - yes, it is very difficult. Ds is going through another major meltdown phase at the moment - well since beginning of the school hols really.

I try to be around to make sure he is safe, as ds headbutts too (did it in the car this morning before school), but generally it helps for him not to have any attention, it is generally more shortlived.
Ha ha at ds denying it was him that trashed his room - I think they do genuinely forget sometimes, but I can't help laughing sometimes at his incredulous face!

I feel I am so hard on him, and I am sure others think I am a right cow, but I have to stand firm or he walks right over me. The only time I can relax is when he's asleep.

Not a big wine fan, do you think Malibu will work just as well?

alex (not dx'd yet) is driving me to distraction at the moment- and like JJ says 'normally' i do kind of 'remove' myself..almost into a state of meditation...trance...as if it's all on TV and i'm watching it...but the other day when i'd had ENOUGH...i lashed out- he then heaved his dinner up over the table (cos i hit him so hard across his back)...and then i was so angry he heaved ...that i dragged him off the chair and wacked him hard on his bottom...

i have told this to my mental health worker- and as a result i have 'got my way' and am back on prozac.

i know it's wrong what i did- i normally keep things 'inside'...and i still feel terrible- and it was so pointless- as like my eldest - alex does not 'learn' from ANY method of telling him off- and would still laugh in my face if i used an iron bar- tom was the same- used to laugh when i got angry- telling me 'it didn't hurt' etc

so what i am trying to say is that MY ANGER has to remain just that- MINE. Me lashing out serves no purpose-

Yes - I have been known to lash out as well Which is why I work hard on removing myself from the situation mentally. My mum walked in once during one meltdown- she said I was sitting crossed legged looking at the floor- and she was worried about me, because she thought I had given up- but I was just taking myself away from it all. Sometimes it's very very difficult. If dh is around I also now will walk away when I have had enough- even just for 5 minutes and tell him he has to take over. He does the same with me.

These days DS's meltdowns are so hard to understand, i.e. not possible to pinppoint the trigger, I put him in a room and leave him to it. He doesn't tend to smash the place up, just himself a bit but justs gets hysterical. Nothing I do makes any difference so I leave him to it, he did it for 5 hours once. That was when we decided to give medication a go and that is my next suggestion.....

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no practical experience at all so what say may well be cobblers but ddn't want to leave you answered.

I really don't think there's anything you can do until the meltdown ends - if he's audibly screaming then he's obviously breathng and conscious.

presumably within a certain amount of tme he will just be spent of energy and flump down on the bed???

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Esbee i feel for you, its so hard to ignore when you can hear every minute. Its hard to even think straight let alone do something about it. I put my son kicking and screaming in his room too and leave him to calm down. I think its best he doesn't get an audience. Luckily he doesn't smash stuff yet! When its over i try and get him to tell me why he's in there even if i don't get the right answer. He sometimes says 'YOU(as in me) did this/that!'lol. To which i say 'no' and tell him its x,y,z behaviour and shut the door again so he can think and come back in 5 by then he is a bit more compliant. And going into the i need comfort thus ready to say sorry if nothing else. As he is only just 5 im hoping this will work when he's older too?

Thanks to all for making me feel better about all the not so sane things iv done during a meltdown and felt so guilty about. There is such a pressure with a sn child to be mother teresa because its not there fault. Meditation def helps!

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What did BIBIC say? was it ODD? Do you have any access to a clinical psych? They can be helfpful fr advising on what/how to tackle.

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Essbee so sorry you are having to deal with this . I haven't got anything to add but I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. DS1 does have meltdowns but hasn't yet gone as far as trashing things, he just gets very upset over things not being "right" (and often it's impossible to tell what it is that's not "right").

I've been trying (without much success) to get DS1 to recognise the signs of frustration in himself and do something, like count to 10, to distract himself, but he doesn't really "get it".

for you and your DS.