How do you deal with the aftermath of a meltdown??

[essbee]

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that your ds still so trying, at least he did apologise even if he then spoilt it. The thing about the trousers rang a big bell for me as my other ds had sensory issues and one of these was clothes. He couldnt bare a shirt of any type, he would claw at his skin and it would make him v. angry. I gave up in the end and brought the polo shirts, i also chose his high school based on the school uniform . As he just wouldn't of learnt anything if he was concentrating on his clothes. Anyway just though you might want to take note. HTH

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essbee, my DS1 is six now. He was three years and eight months when he was dx'd with high-functioning autism. He had a long good spell in the spring/early summer which lulled me into such a false sense of security that I actually said goodbye to everyone on the SN board - and then a not-so-good summer so I came back .

He's very frustrating because he can talk perfectly well but somehow can't use his language to communicate just when he needs to most, iyswim. And he still lashes out all too easily. Fortunately DS2 adores him and puts up with an awful lot, and they are somehow despite it all very good friends.

He does hit me when he gets very frustrated, and cries and calls me "naughty mummy" (I know it doesn't sound much, but it does upset me) and just looks so heartbroken that I can't bear the fact that he won't/can't tell me what's wrong, and I can't help him .

FWIW, I think the punchbag is an excellent idea. Let me know if it helps!

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Yes, especially when something blows up without warning. Take the other night, I was reading a Dick King-Smith story to him, something about dogs, and he asked me what a pedigree dog was. Something - and I still don't know what - about my explanation just upset him totally and he ended up sobbing hysterically and battering me with his little fists.

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essbee, from what you've posted about him, I certainly think it's possible that some professionals would characterise him as being on the autistic spectrum - which is the exact phrase the paed used when giving me DS1's diagnosis. I think my DS1 is very very borderline - if autism is a spectrum, then I think he must be just very slightly on the "wrong" side of the dividing line. Perhaps your DS is similar?

Your DS is obviously very bright, though (I remember you posting about his chess ability a long time ago). I think some others on mumsnet also have very bright sons with challenging behaviour and what they've basically been told is that clever boys do for some reason often tend to be socially immature for a long long time.

Sorry, that is singularly unhelpful, but to the extent that he sounds a bit like my DS1, then yes, it wouldn't surprise me if he did eventually get a diagnosis of hf asd.

How is your DS managing at school? Is he on School Action plus?

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As I'm sure you know, the ed psych might be helpful but s/he can't actually make a diagnosis.

Can you press for an appointment with a clinical psychologist?

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I'm only guessing but I imagine the child psychologist would be a clinical psychologist. That was the case with the chap that I saw with DS1 (his diagnosis was made jointly by the paediatrician and the child psychologist).

essbee my ds has been diagnosed by a clinical child psychologist!

not that i wanted to confuse you even more

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DS1 managed to have a ridiculous meltdown last night over pulling out the bathplug. Sometimes I almost have to laugh.

Good luck for Tuesday, anyway.

Aftermath of the last meltdown saw me being carted off to the hospital in an ambulance and spending four nights away from home and I am now spending the next six weeks in plaster....SS are now begining to finally listen!!!

I wasnt going to 'fess up about J's last meltdown....it was by far the worst ever and he phsically reduced me to a gibbering wreck after he had beaten me so badly. He hit me over the head with a wooden object whilst I was trying to calm him down. I decided to walk away and as I got up off the floor I passed out! As I fell I somehow managed to break my leg very badly. J just sat and watched whilst DS1 called for help.

Since I have been home J has been an angel and we havent had one bad tantrum or meltdown....maybe he has lived "the social story" and now understands that hitting people is wrong because it hurts them....I dunno...all I know is that he has been a lot better since. Someone once told me that things have to get really bad before they start to get better?????

Hope things dont get so bad for you essbee and I am thinking of you.xx

Bloody hell Jayzmummy! How are you now? Is your leg healing well? God, this worries me as there is only us two living here and he wouldn't go out the front door for help as he won't touch the metal keys!

I can see the "that things have to get really bad before they start to get better" almost makes sense. I know that after my ds has a massive meltdown, things are a little better for a while - a sort of lull, where he cannot do enough for me and asks after the bruises/scratches etc he has inflicted on me.

I can't put ds into his room as he has a hanging door on it now as he broke the stable door that was up before.

I am SERIOUSLY trying to remain calm when he has a meltdown, but it is really difficult isn't it? From experience i know that me being calm has a much better result than losing it, but it's just impossible sometimes.

How have things been today Essbee?

bloody hell jayzmum. What sort of help will SS give? It's hard isn't it because they can come out of nowhere over nothing (ds1 has a mega fit if someone in the street parks then sits in their car for example, or gets out and leaves the car door open). I tend not to do things like try and get ds1 to bed now unless dh is here (or someone else)- well I do, but don't push it iykwim as I know he is too strong for me already.

Lord knows what they are going to do? We have asked for some help with getting J ready for school in the mornings....Dh leaves for work at 6.30am and that means I am left to deal with J until 8.15 when the taxi arives....normally thats OK but I am in plaster and cant chase after him if and when he decides he's going to do a runner!!! Poor DS1 had to leg after him yesterday beacuse he climbed out of the conservatory window!! Ss are coming out next week to sort out what help they can offer.....expect it wont be much

J's meltdown happened because he has formed a friendship with an older child at school. The class teacher doesnt feel its an appropriate friendship so they have told both boys they mustnt speak to one another
The older boy was loving all the attention and J was becoming very obsessed over this lad.

Isnt it sad that J actually starts to form a friendship but then all of a sudden the "grown ups" step in and take it away. I understand the schools concerns and totally support their decission as being the right one....but watching J "fall back" is not nice and it the aftermath sure hurts!!!

Its even harder having a siister with As who tries so hard to support me but her opinions are not really what I want to hear...."what the hell are they playing at....I hated kids my own age....I preferred older friends....FGS tell them to back off"....it makes me feel like I am the big bad one because I agree with the school and not her...."no wonder he lashed out at you....you took his friend away".

School are being fab and have drawn up some strategies to try and encourage J to interact with his key peers....for once I really feel I am taking an active part in J's education and my concerns/ideas/thoughts are being listened to and taken on board.....that NEVER happened in mainstream

Oooppppsssss! Sorry essbee if Ive highjacked a little

jayzmummy you poor thing. I hope social services provide you with some decent help.

Hope it goes well with the child psychologist today, essbee!

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You sound as tired as i felt over the holidays my ds behaviour was the worst iv ever seen. Now we are back to school and getting about again it has slowely slightly improved. Im beginning to think he wasn't being stimulated enough and wonder if this may be your ds problem. My sn elder son was the same in free time, i remember taking him to the park 3/4 times a week plus cubs etc. Just a thought. Hope things ease of soon x

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