I want to cry or scream. They are bastards.

[daisy5678]

I'm finally finishing my huge complaint against the council. It spans 5 years of incompetence so it's kinda long.

I thought it might be kind of cathartic to write, but it's just making me so miserable and angry. When you put all the incompetence together, it is truly breathtaking. Three refusals for Statutory Assessment, when every person involved with ds said he needed 100% 1:1 due to his extreme level of violence. 4 years of inappropriate provision, ignoring me and all the other professionals actually involved. 3 givings-in before Tribunal. Decisions that make no sense. Blatant disregard for SEN Code of Practice in every area.

Ex keeps saying yes, but move on; ds has what he needs now. Yes, he does - he has a great Statement and lots of appropriate therapy, but only because of me. The bastards who are supposed to make this process work actively make it not work for the child unless the parent pushes and pushes until they get close to breaking point .

Also, what really upsets me is having the write the impact of each little piece of the incompetence jigsaw. You know, because X and Y happened, ds didn't get Z and this means that he missed out etc. etc.

I also feel so at all the missed opportunities to offer him appropriate assessment and therapies. I shouldn't be, but I am. I am also that I didn't push more for dx and therapy at the start; I just wanted the Statement sorted.

And they've never ever apologised for anything . Even when backing down. That's what angers me the most. That, and the fact that they've done it and are still doing it to so many other poor buggers.

I thought that this would make me feel better. One huge complaint after the hundreds of hours that I've put in over the years. But it's not, and I'm starting to realise that nothing will because they can't give me back my lost hours or ds back his lost opportunities .

Oh I am so sorry givemevodka, what twunts they are

I can't help I'm afraid as this is all in my future on top of the usual day-to day stuff.

But I can listen and try to understand as can many people here.

They are I agree giveme!! :(

Yes they ARE bastards!

I don't know any parent of an SN child who would praise their own LA.

I don't know what I think about pursuing complaints afterwards. I know I've also got a case for LGO and getting tribunal costs, but I've put in so many hours and emotional energy already that I don't know if it's worth it.

The point to focus on is that your DS is getting the help he needs now. It can't make up for the lost time but thanks to you, all of that support is going to make a real difference to him.

Have name-changed and added a bit as it feels appropriate.

Thanks, guys. It does help to know that other people 'get it' though I hope that one day the mistakes will actually be the exception rather than the norm.

Imagine a MN SN board full of 'yay...my ds/dd are getting exactly what they need and making progress' rather than 'the lying gits are trying to ruin my child's life'.

sugarcandymonster, I wasn't going to, but one of my friends was that I've never put in a complaint and said that they'll keep getting away with breaking the law as long as people don't kick up a fuss. My aim is to get it as far as Ombudsman who will definitely recommend changes (they already did in another local case but LA haven't done so )

I would rather forget it, like I have done every time, but I would like them to A) realise that I won't accept this happening during any of the 10 years that J has left in education and B) stop doing it to other people.

Plus, I'm on a 7 week break from work so I decided I'd have the time .

I hope you're right about it having helped ds. I guess we always think we could have done more.

Oh yeah, and I guess I do want revenge (in terms of being made to apologise/ feel uncompfortable/ have to account for their actions) on two of the people who have been involved all the way through. Not nice of me perhaps, but I know that one of them in particular has taken great pleasure in making sure that every request I've made has been turned down. We have a mutual colleague who told me.

I have revenge in the form of my 4 year old who is extremely hyperactive and doesn't sit still or take no for an answer starting school on Thursday!! My other 3 children have all been rather placid including the ones with SEN.
Can't wait to say to the school "really are you sure your not overreacting he behaves really well at home"...
I will make it as hard for the school as possible to get him assessed and get the help they will need.

Wassuup - good strategy, as Justa recommended :)

GiveMe - Very sorry to hear that complaining hasn't made you feel better. Guess I'm not surprised though. I'm finding it impossible to get over the comparitevely mild incompetance I've faced.

Also - I do think that people who are happy with their provision mostly don't post on here. Because they're too busy doing other things with their life!

But there are some people who get good provision. Just more common with simple and visible problems like deafness :)

giveme, that's crap and must be totally exhausting hope you get your apology and a change in attitudes.

indigo, dd3 is deaf among other things, believe me, it's no better Way too many people believe that having hearing aids/cochlear implants gives you normal hearing, therefore why would you need dla/help at school. Never mind what it can cost to learn bsl in some authorities. Dd3 goes to a deaf unit and I can quite honestly say, it's shit

giveme - I totally understand and I haven't been through half of what you have. We have been turned down twice for SA but once DS was diagnosed then all of a sudden they were phoning ME and asking me to request a SA! I have to say I lost it a bit pointing out that the child they were now so suddenly keen to assess was the same child I had been requesting help for prior to the diagnosis.

I know there has to be a way of screening applications but surely it should not have to be such a fight.

Couldn't sleep last night. The other thing I can't forgive is all the people (only ones who'd not met ds, to be fair) who made me feel like either it was all my fault and I was being too soft/ harsh with him or that I was clearly being an over-protective parent who wanted her son wrapped up in the cotton wool of a full-time TA.

It's made me doubt and be defensive of my parenting for years. I guess and second-guess myself all the time. Not having ever experienced good parenting, I don't really know what it is. Ds's psych at CAMHS is the only person who I trust to have no ulterior motives in what she says and she has put herself out massively for me and for him. When she told me that she thought I was a very good parent, I cried on the way home because I'd love to believe it but don't quite.

I keep thinking of all the things that I and they should/ shouldn't have done.

I don't think that this was a good idea. It's taking up 99% of my brain now and has done for the last 24 hours. I need to get it finished, copied and posted before I lose the plot.

giveme you are a good parent would a bad parent fight for their child the way you have?

giveme - small consolation I know, but you and other mums here have given me the strength to Carry On Fighting!
Thank you.

GMSASR who are you going to send it to? Maybe send it higher up to a government dept as well/instead?

My daughter's LEA really got in a flap when we did a complaint to the department of chidren, schools and family services.

I know it is time consuming and soul destroying but it may help others.

Giveme

A complaint to the Council won't achieve anything - except perhaps to let you vent.

I've done it and it will make you even more angrier than you are now.

Firstly they will deny they've failed to make proper provision in the past - that'll infuriate you.

You can then ask for a Stahe 2 hearing - that investigation will also deny liability and finally after a the Stage 3 has also absolved them of any blame your blood will boil at the unfairness of it all.

Don't forget - complaints to the Council are investigated by the Council themselves. they are hardly likely to say - "hands up - Ok , you're right"

Even if you can get them to admit they were wrong there's little to no compensation availabel for the grief they've caused you and the way they've let your child down.

It will seriously drive you made

What you should be doing is going to see a solicitor that sepcialises in Educational Negligence and sue the Council for educational negligence. It sounds as though you'd have sufficient evidence to do so. You may be able to do this on a no-win no-fee bais.

That way your DS will be compensated for the absymal way he's been treated.

Just some advice from someone who's done both.

oh give me :(

I was going to send it straight to LG Ombudsman cos I think they'll look at SEN stuff without the 3 part appeal, but then I thought I'd actually like to hear the council's excuses first.

It will be pretty hard for them to wriggle out of the outright lies as I have every piece of paperwork from back when J was 3. It's all pretty damning when you look at the paperwork. But I guess they'll have their reasons anyway.

Copying it into the Department for Education, maybe even Michael Gove, does appeal but I don't think I'll get anything from there except maybe stressing my council more.

I did consider the Educational Negligence/ judicial review route, but actually it's quite hard to prove any specific losses iyswim, cos I've almost always made them do what they should have in the end, so J's never lost out on actual provision for long. In terms of missed opportunities/ dxs etc., they'll argue that it's tricky with mental health/ non-physical disabilities to prove what will/ won't work.

I'm also scared of that route because I don't understand it and haven't the energy for researching yet another route. I understand the LGO route fully and it seems quite simple.

As for what I want from them, I want an apology. A massive apology, acknowledging their multitude of mistakes and lies. I also want them to put in writing that the key failing (ignoring all recommendations from Annual Reviews) won't happen again and that they will, in future, follow the SEN Code of Practice. I don't want money. I just want this not to happen again for the next eight years of J's education. Cos I really really can't handle any more of these pointless fucking battles.

givemesleepandsomerevenge, all the council complaint and LGO stuff aside (GO FOR IT!!) I just want to say this:

I admire you. I think of you when I fight for my DD1. I read your posts (and admit to having searched your user name several times to read what you did or did not do in certain situations) and I take your advice, whether you have posted it as advice or just as a narrative of what you did. I honestly and truly think you are a fantastic mother.

Your posts about J are brimming with love and respect for him. He is, from your descriptions, a difficult child to handle correctly, and that resonates with me, because although being a girl gives her the 'cute' edge that dampens the horror that her behaviour can elicit, DD1 is a difficult child to handle correctly. I love it that you fully acknowledge his difficulties, yet fully fight for him not to be written off. That is what I want for my DD1.

In fact I am crying as I write this, because your posts tonight are so, so wrong, and it is the LA that have made them so. You are a good mother. You are loving J, and fighting for him to have a future, which is the best a mother can do. You are an example to the rest of us here on MN, and we are so lucky to have you on this board.

It's nights like this that I wish we could all know each other in RL, so that we could be chatting over a cuppa and some lovely cake rather than typing words on a screen. So that we could all say 'Don't listen, you are doing great'.

I know that I am just more words on a screen, but the words are sincere.

Lougle what a lovely post
Givemesleep - send your complaint and give them something to worry about. it's totally unfair how parent's get treated by LA's. We should not have to have massive battles just to get appropriate help for our dc's. You really deserve an apology for what you've gone through and I truly hope that you get it.

giveme

The Local govt Ombudsman won't hear your complaint until you've exhausted all 3 stages of the Council's own complaints procedures.

However, I still think you're wasting your time. All the LGO do is give the Council a rap on the knuckles. they ordered the LA to complain to me, which they did - very grudgingly.

The most effective way to get redress and to get the Council to change its ways is to bring an action for educational negligence.

That's why I recomended going down the litigation route with a solicitor.

Anyway - good luck with the Ombudsman - it took about a year to receive his decision.

Best wishes

Lougle - what a lovely post.

giveme - what a sad post, in terms of what you had to go through to get what your child needs. However, you are a brave and strong woman and have done the best for your child. Reading your post has also given me strength to carry on with my fight to get what my ds needs. I was not going to send an email I wrote to the school and the governors highlighting inaccuaries in headmistress's letter to me before end of term because I was weary and tired just thinking of school re-opening and the coming negotiations etc with school and LEA but posts like yours inspire and encourage me.

I think its always worth bringing a complaint because nothing will change if you don't - it might come to nothing but often even if you are fobbed off to your face there may be changes behind the scenes especially if other parents also complain. We have that locally - several parents have been given the brush off in their complaints but the LA are now putting together a plan to address issues which were raised in said complaints.
When you look at what you want to achieve you could ask for parent involvement in all the panels and boards that make these decisions as a remedy so the next family might get a proper hearing. Getting a seat at the table is my ultimate aim for parents locally to stop the LA hiding all the sneaky things we know go on but can't stop.
There are limitations to the ombudsman process - set by legislation usually not by the staff - as to what they can look at. But its still worth pushing it if only because the Ombudsman collect data on complaints and can see if trends emerge from specific LAs. And they might be able to help. There are some good examples on their website

Thanks, everyone. Your words are the push I need to get it checked and out of the way!

Your post made me cry, Lougle - at least it was in a good way though! Thank you for your words which mean a lot. You've really understood how I feel about J too. I do love and respect him so much, so much that anyone's failure to do the same pisses me right off.

I think the LGO say somewhere on the website that they will almost always look at SEN cases even if the 3 stage thing isn't exhausted, Wetaugust. I just think the educational negligence bit would be very hard to prove cos, like I say, J has always got what he needs eventually. I have just found about a million red flags for autism in the very early paperwork though...like 3 years pre-dx and it's beyond belief that 2 EPs missed the very very clear signs. I guess that would be the neglient angle but they would argue that CAMHS should have spotted it sooner, which is also a fair point. I think I will get this sent off and then look at the judicial review/ negligence action options. I will come back and ask you more then, if that's OK.

Agnes, that's exactly what I'm asking for - parent reps on the panel - one of the things, anyway. Or for them just to abolish the useless fucking panels who ignore all the evidence. That would be better .

Thanks for all the moral support. This is horrible but the more I do, the more I know that I wasn't mad or over-protective and I am right to be absolutely fucking furious, rather than just being an angry bitter cow who's trapped in conspiracy theory land. They did fuck up. They do owe me an apology. And I bloody well want it!

giveme - hats off to you for everything you've achieved. I'm disgusted by what you've had to go through.

A close relative is an ed psych. Her LA in general only statements if a parent threatens legal action through a solicitor. This is not because they're mean and heartless in particular but because they just haven't got enough money to fund the statementing process and the provision required.

This is a disgrace because:-

1. there should be sufficent money, even if it means raising taxes

2. deciding which child gets a statement on this basis is a grossly unfair way of allocating public resources. It means the pushy and probably middle class parent is more likely to get help than the less assertive/educated/litigious.

If you've got the energy, issuing a complaint at least tries to hold the LA to account. I make a point of complaining now whenever I get shoddy treatment from the NHS or nothing will ever change. But basically the underlying problem is resources, so writing to Michael Gove might be more useful long term.

On the other hand, you may have better things to spend your energy on, so don't feel guitly if you want to concentrate on your DS now.