I want to cry or scream. They are bastards.

[daisy5678]

I'm finally finishing my huge complaint against the council. It spans 5 years of incompetence so it's kinda long.

I thought it might be kind of cathartic to write, but it's just making me so miserable and angry. When you put all the incompetence together, it is truly breathtaking. Three refusals for Statutory Assessment, when every person involved with ds said he needed 100% 1:1 due to his extreme level of violence. 4 years of inappropriate provision, ignoring me and all the other professionals actually involved. 3 givings-in before Tribunal. Decisions that make no sense. Blatant disregard for SEN Code of Practice in every area.

Ex keeps saying yes, but move on; ds has what he needs now. Yes, he does - he has a great Statement and lots of appropriate therapy, but only because of me. The bastards who are supposed to make this process work actively make it not work for the child unless the parent pushes and pushes until they get close to breaking point .

Also, what really upsets me is having the write the impact of each little piece of the incompetence jigsaw. You know, because X and Y happened, ds didn't get Z and this means that he missed out etc. etc.

I also feel so at all the missed opportunities to offer him appropriate assessment and therapies. I shouldn't be, but I am. I am also that I didn't push more for dx and therapy at the start; I just wanted the Statement sorted.

And they've never ever apologised for anything . Even when backing down. That's what angers me the most. That, and the fact that they've done it and are still doing it to so many other poor buggers.

I thought that this would make me feel better. One huge complaint after the hundreds of hours that I've put in over the years. But it's not, and I'm starting to realise that nothing will because they can't give me back my lost hours or ds back his lost opportunities .

Nope, loving it!

Lougle - that was a really lovely post and whilst i haven't read all your posts GivemeSleep, i totally agree.

You are a good parent for relentlessly fighting on behalf of your DS. Now that you've achieved the support through your own steely determination, you should feel extremely proud of yourself. I absolutely understand your anger, as i was there a few months ago, and i find it incomprehensible that LA's and schools are able to behave this way in this day and age. I even wrote to the editor of Dispatches earlier in the year asking him to run a programme exposing the way LA's and schools deal with SEN children, needless to say he wasn't interested!!

Although we are only at the beginning of a statementing process, my DD is now at a school that supports her (and me!). It took her new school less than 24 hours to determine that she needs one-to-one support; she was at her old school for 4 years who merely treated me like i was demented and the LA wouldn't assess her "because she could move her arms and legs"!

She is a different child now. She's no longer bullied or shouted at by teachers and she's started to make good progress. After we'd moved i'd wanted to complain to her old school, the governors, the LA - just about anyone i could. I was so angry at myself that i hadn't moved her sooner and couldn't stop punishing myself at the "wasted years". But now i'm in a different place. The anger was eating me up and i was irritable with DH and DC. I realised i just had to be glad that she was now happy and that we'd been fortunate to have found a school that were so incredibly supportive - despite the fact that we'd moved 80 miles to achieve this!

I know that you have battled for some time to achieve what you have and i really admire you for this. If you do choose to complain, i would try to see it as making a positive step. I really hope that my post doesn't come across as patronising because that's not the way it's intended, but i know how draining the anger and bitterness can be.

Best of luck - whichever way you decide.

I've just picked this up, it's as if I'm reading about us. We have had such a major fight for the past 6 years, finaly getting a 30 hrs 1-1 SEN - only for the school to ignore it. This made all the worse when our OT was refused equipment and time with our son, and she witnessed behaviour towards our son that no SEN [or other] child should face. What happened - nothing, they close ranks. We were told we had DDA and Human Rights Access to Education discrimination grounds, but at the time all we wanted was to get our child away. He has had PTSD as a result, alongside his physical disability. His education was shot. He was classed as pre school grade, so we withdrew him from the school, telling anyone who would listen why - including the SEN team at County Hall. To go to tribunal takes time, and no one is interested in helping - again you are alone. Home Educating has been simply the best and most rewarding thing I have ever done. To see my son able to read and write, to see him relax and cope with life, to see him smile again. All this has been achieved since September of this year. School had written him off, taking the funding, and not using it. I have since found out that at this school this is happening with a great many other SEN children. I feel guilty for not making a case,especially as it continues to happen to others, and I had spent all summer putting a document together listing all their failings - with documented evidence. I just couldn't leave my son to struggle and watch him slowly sinking into a dark place that was filled with anxiety, sadness, frustration, and low self esteme. When I think how he was and how he is now, I only wished I hadn't left it so long. We waited, hoping for it to get better. I have no idea if I will ever send him back to school, I will never trust what happens when those school doors are shut. It has had a lasting effect on me too. This shouldn't be happening to so many, I thought that was the purpose of the Lamb Enquiry?
We had good support from our consultants at GOSH, but they are in London, and we are in Sussex. Good luck to everyone out there who is or has had to endure this fight, it shouldn't be this way.

Thank you, you two, for the nice messages and I'm really pleased that your children are happier now

...while independent mediator is legit in that she has her own business specialising in advocacy/ mediation for parents of SN children, she is the woman who was involved a few years ago when we were preparing for(but didn't go to ) Tribunal to increase my son's hours.

In the pre-mediation meeting, she told me 'oh, you'll never get them agree to full-time support' and I later realised who she was: a previous employee of one of the big SN services in the council. She helped write one of the policies I'm complaining about!

WWYD?

Well, personally, I would be weary.

In my experience, independent third parties, tend to be people who have to maintain realationships with the school and are very aware of it. Yours is a one-off complaint (they hope) but they hope to continue to work with the authorities for a long time. Sorry to be cynical but she is more likely to get repeat business from them than from you - and you are complaining about one of her policies!

I would say go with your instinct.

Don't know the process but do you have to do this? Perhaps someone who went through this process will have more information.

I agree about her wanting to maintain their 'special relationship'.

My instinct is that the mediation is probably pointless anyway. Either it'll be deny deny deny or yes, we're sorry but no, we won't put it in writing.

But I guess I have to give them the chance. It's not like she'll be able to overtly take sides and, even if she does, my huge mountain of evidence speaks for itself and I'm more than capable of sticking up for myself, even against someone who's biased and someone who's partly biased.

Oh yeah - have original document that they pretend to know nothing about - with her name on, on council stationery!

Mediation was hilarious and kind of productive.

They admitted fault on a number of issues, which was minuted. Must admit, I was surprised.

The mediator is more hindrance than help at times and insists that my complaint is about my 'emotional response' and my 'perception' of things, rather than them making actual mistakes but the LA people are actually being quite open.

Apart from the 'money is never a factor in panel discussions' bit. Which I followed up by referencing a document in front of me, which was panel minutes about my son, minuting a discussion of financing . The LA woman was like and basically said 'ooops'.

They seem to be agreeing to almost all that I have asked for and admitting to almost all of the mistakes, including the formal apology. They admit that mistakes were made blah blah blah but say things have improved.

But I also had a phone call from Ombudsman investigator last week, who is trying to decide if they have jurisdiction over any, some or all of the complaint. Seemed nice, competent and seemingly more than intelligent enough to have grasped all the issues of this (in her words) 'very complex case'.

I guess, if the mediation meetings continue to go successfully, it would be a bit stroppy to still pursue Ombudsman route. Or not?

Oh, thanks, Pipin!

I feel that I am getting there, but the horrible, horrible battle of secondary is ahead and I fear that, if I don't get some cast-iron promises now, I will regret it later.

Thank you

If you can resolve the issues and get the outcome you want, I don't think the LGO will be able to offer anything will it?

The thing about apologies and minuted errors is that later down the line if things continue you still have the LGO thing over them, more so, because they have admitted fault. To keep failing your ds would be quite serious.

Perhaps you can get some advice from the LGO about whether to keep persuing?

Well...I think I will get 90% of what I want in my individual case. Not sure about the broader stuff, maybe 10% of that.

LGO said that I can keep going with both but if the case was 'in the wider public interest' (which it certainly is locally), then they may still report. Maybe. If they take it on at all.

Cool, so you can say it is out of your hands - lol.

I dunno. I'd keep both going and wait and see what happens tbh. You don't want to have any regrets about what could have been.

That's what I feel about it at the moment.

For what it is worth, I'd keep both going. Call me cynical but I feel they might be amenable right now because they know of the LGO thing hanging above them. Who knows how they'd act if you discontinue the LGO action? If I remember correctly, there is a time factor involved in the complaint?

Agre with Star aout keeping both going.

I don't think LA even know about Ombudsman complaint, weirdly, as they haven't officially begun investigating yet until they decide jurisdiction. I did remind them that I would be doing it, so it could still be a fear, I guess, but it's not happened as far as they know.

Yep, time factor is big problem.

They can say what they want to you vervbally but I'd be surprised if you ever see a formal apology in writing.

'perception' of things, -- this phrase does my head in as my LA used to use it.

I'd avoid talking to them any more and just tell them to respond to my complaints in writing.