Hi mimsum,
I don't have any answers for you, I'm afraid but I completely sympathise with how you are feeling.
My DS1 who is nearly 9 was a dx of AS and I have never been comfortable with it but don't know how to change it or even if it is worth it.
When he went through the whole dx process the consultant clinical psych said he had AS traits but not enough to warrant a label. However, he also has a lot of dyspraxia type features and all the help he has had since the dx 4 yr ago has been for those. He has a daily OT programme at school.
Unfortunately, when it came to his dx meeting, where all the professionals who saw him got together, nobody except me and the SENCO had actually met him - the rest of them, the paed, the psych and the SALT were working from other people's notes and, in my view the most important person, the OT, wasn't there at all.
Seems to me that they hand out AS dxs because it is better known and understoond than dyspraxia by the wider public and even the teaching profession. It is the 'easy' option - not to deal with obviously but to get recognition.
I kick myself that I didn't argue more at the time and I have discussed it with the OT but she says they don't give a dx of dyspraxia much and anyway what does a label matter?
It matters imo because I really don't feel comfortable telling DS that he has AS. I have looked at many books on both AS and dyspraxia and I can't find about AS where he has more than a few ticks against a checklist yet I can tick virtually all of them on a list of dyspraxia list.
As you mentioned, questioning does make it sound like we are hiding our heads in the sand but, I know that DS is not the same as normal children but I do think all his AS symptoms are only those that overlap with the dyspraxia symptoms, because as with a lot of these conditions, there are huge overlaps, aren't there.
Sorry I have rambled on but I just wanted to show why I sympathised and share your frustrations.
I have wanted to started a thread like this for ages (you have saved me trouble now) so I will be interested to see if there is anybody who has managed to get a dx change.