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Here you'll find advice from parents and teachers on special needs education.

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Original poster

Selective mutism anyone?

21 replies

pinkhousesarebest · 16/01/2009 11:53

My d.d is four years old,almost five, and has yet to speak at school. We live in France,so this is her second year,and the language obviously is a factor as we speak English at home. However she was born here and spoke french with ease before starting school,so it does not account for it all. Anyone with a similar problem,with or without the second language dimension?

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bigTillyMint · 16/01/2009 13:05

It might just be that she is listening and watching before she tries out speaking.

Has she had any friends over to play yet - maybe she would feel more confident on a one-to-one, and then transfer it into school?

lljkk · 16/01/2009 13:14

I know 2 lads IRL who have SM, they are both 7yo. Not bilingual, and they come from completely different families. It seems like such a rare disorder, that no one quite understands it or why it happens. OP's child is quite young, maybe will kick out of it on her own before long?

Original poster

pinkhousesarebest · 16/01/2009 13:16

We did think that for a long time,and were happy to go with the flow and let her take her time.The problem is that she will not speak to the other children either,and so has gone from being an object of fascination to the little girl who does not speak,sort of a self fulfilling prophesy. Now of course the other children are all in little groups and won t let her play,so she spends a lot fo time alone. She can now explain however how it feels,she says that she can t speak,even though she wants to, because the words are all stuck inside her throat. We do have help from the school,and she is being seen by the educational psychologist,but without much,indeed any progress. Gosh I have banged on ,sorry

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bigTillyMint · 16/01/2009 13:18

Oh, how sad for her. Hopefully someone at school can help her get up the courage?

What about them getting her to talk using puppets? She can pretend to be the puppets voice - might help her get over the embarassment of speaking?

AJ2008 · 18/01/2009 16:24

You may find this article helpful. It was written by someone who works with children who suffer from Selective Mutism. There's also links to other websites, books and videos.

BellaR · 18/01/2009 20:06

my dd was a selective mute at nursery and for the first 6 months at school. it took a very patient teacher who dd loved,, who got the break through, she needed time to build a relationship with her. dd was allowed to nodd for the register and wasn't pressured. DD didnt speak to the children at all but started talking to one or two in the role play area and then the teacher just took this as a lead and did a lot of paired work with dd and another child. Another thing that helped was show and tell (don't know if they have it in france) dd used to bring in an object like a cuddly toy and hold it up but would not talk! but eventually she did as it was about something she knew about.
Now in yr2 she does talk and will answer the register but is still quiet and shy in class. she has 2 special friends only who she speaks to in the play ground but thats ok for me. its progress!.

Original poster

pinkhousesarebest · 19/01/2009 20:34

Thank you all of you for your kind words.We have been trying to ignore this in the hope that it will resolve itself,but having suddenly realised that it is a syndrome as opposed to shyness is worrying.We have had nothing but kindness from the teachers,but they are at a loss as are we. I am going to have a look at your suggestions. Thanks a lot.

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wasuup3000 · 20/01/2009 22:11

www.selectivemutism.co.uk has loads of good downloads and a forum with parents who have bilingual children and there is a group in France too if you contact Lindsay through the website she may be able to put you in contact.

Original poster

pinkhousesarebest · 21/01/2009 14:10

Gosh,a real breakthrough. I got in touch with Lindsay, who directed me to the French association,where I found lots of useful material for the class teacher as well as for us.As I speak my little girl is bossing her big brother around something shocking. I think that is the saddest thing,knowing that no one knows what she is really like apart from us. Ayway, we have something to work on now,so cheers everyone.

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lingle · 22/01/2009 09:20

"I think that is the saddest thing,knowing that no one knows what she is really like apart from us."
I think lots of us know that feeling - am glad you've found something to work on

wasuup3000 · 22/01/2009 13:41

Glad to help!
That's Life have done a feature on my little girl who also has SM. It is out today and the article is on page 14 in the Mums Life section.
You are not alone Pink.

Original poster

pinkhousesarebest · 22/01/2009 18:37

The thing is, I keep trawling back through her early years trying to figure out what could have happened that triggered this without us even seeing it coming. To me,she was a straightforward child, always happy,always laughing.It is said to be a manifestation of extreme anxiety. Are those of you with children similarly affected very anxious? I really am. But I thought I had kept it from them.

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Original poster

pinkhousesarebest · 22/01/2009 19:23

Wasuup, is it an article in a mag? I would love to read it.

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nickschick · 22/01/2009 19:27

A few years ago whilst working in a hotel I met a family whose daughter was s.m,the mother was lovely and explained to me how it affected them,they were particularly touched because i was chattering way to all the children and realised the little girl had a 'issue' and i was handing out lollies and just let her choose instead of asking what colour she wanted.

Apparently she was a chatterbox at home.

wasuup3000 · 22/01/2009 21:18

Yes it is in a Magazine called That's Life in the UK-Can you get it in France?
I am not sure about the causation-one of my son's is being assessed for ASD and my daughter has difficulties with retaining number information-possibly has dyscalculia but hasn't yet been assessed for that. I can't help but wonder if there is a link which will one day be discovered between different "labels".
We do have a family member who didn't talk to adults as a child and another with social communication difficulties as well.

MommyUpNorth · 23/01/2009 11:23

Hello pinkhousesarebest. My dd (8) in P4 (Scotland) is sm at school. Does your dd's school have a speech & language therapist visiting the school? My dd is under the SALT at school and is just now starting to whisper to friends & some teachers. She's been like this since starting playgroup at 2.5! I think we spent way too much time thinking it was just extreme shyness, so I'm glad that she's finally in a program which is helping.

btw, we don't have any 2nd language issues unless you count me being American

Original poster

pinkhousesarebest · 23/01/2009 16:13

We do have a specialist who comes once a week to work with a group of three children,one of whom is d.d,and although the other children have other behavioural probs unrelated to s.m, the therapist does seem to be working along the right lines. D.d loves her, and there is lots of role play with puppets and animals,one big breakthrough is that she will now make her animals talk to each other in growls and roars. She did say that d.d s animals were always very angry. Do you think your d.d feels you are different from other mommies? I think our d.d feels our difference keenly,and that contributes to her unease,but I am guessing at that.

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BriocheDoree · 29/01/2009 19:44

Hi Pinkhousesarebest,
I think we might have been in touch already...are you based in Paris? If so, I'm glad you're getting some help for your little girl.
The specialist who comes to work with your child, is that through the school or through CMP (or similar)? I'm trying to find something similar for my DD on the advice of her neuropédiatre but don't know who to ask for help.

Brio.

Original poster

pinkhousesarebest · 29/01/2009 22:15

She has help from the Rased,a roving collection of specialists which include educational psychologists,speech therapists and re educatrices, with whom she is making real progress.We also are seeing a pedopsychiatre,but I am not sure how useful that is proving.Giving her confidence to interact with a small group of children seems much more meaningful.If your little one is in an public school,you just ask to be referred.It has to come from the parent as the teachers cannot act without a request from the parent. If she is in a private school then I am not sure.We are in the Rhone,by the way.

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Original poster

pinkhousesarebest · 19/03/2009 22:54

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I am almost reluctant to post this in case its a one off, but after nearly two years of total silence in school, a year of being seen by the school psychologist, a further year of being seen by a special needs teacher, my d.d went to school today and spoke to everyone in the yard and inside the classroom.We have no idea how or why. She said the door just opened, and she was suddenly able to speak, and not even in a whisper. We are gobsmacked.

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footballsgalore · 19/03/2009 23:07

Oh wow! That's fantastic. How lovely that she now feels able to 'get into' school properly!

I knew an old fashioned teacher once who taught a boy who never spoke. She taught him to read by reading to him and making mistakes on purpose so that he would nudge her and shake his head.
Anyway, one day he came into the class, beaming, and said 'hello Mrs Smith, how are you?'
Never looked back!
Here's to your DD never looking back

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