DS with ADHD not coping in new school

[RosieLeaLovesTea]

My son in year 5 has transition to middle school where they attend from year 5-year.
He has SEND needs and was diagnosed with ADHD in August. He also has high levels of anxiety.
he was one of a smaller number of children that went to this school. Most of the others in his class went to the other school.
since starting he has been put in a tutor group with no other children from his school. He hates it and feels like he has got no friends. He also really dislikes his tutor/ maths teacher as he had a negative experience on transfer day before starting. He is in a tutor group with other children with SEND. They have a full time TA in the class so it’s not a simple case of changing tutor groups.
He had a falling out with a friend from his class that is attending this school and his older brother who is in year 7 has been bullying him a bit.
Due to his anxiety and feelings about school, he has become dysregulated. It has resulted in 3 suspensions since the start of term. He is less able to focus on his work and is out of the classroom a lot with separate learning.
He is starting a reduced timetable next week for 2 weeks to ease the demands and try to get him back on an even keel and a better regulated place for his emotional well-being.
I know he would be a lot happier if he could just be in the school with more of the children that he was with at the first school. Even though I think the current school is the better school and most of the teaching staff are really good. For him he just wants to be with his Friends.
my DH disagrees. He really dislikes the second school. He has reviewed their results which for SATS are not ask good and negative feedback on Facebook. He would not willingly agree to me applying g for a palace for him. But I am the one dealing with all of the phone calls, meetings and parents evenings. He is not even doing drops offs and pick ups.
I don’t think it will resolve everything and my son may still need an EHCP but I do think it would resolve a lot of his anxiety. I just want my son to be happy. I am so frustrated that DH won’t consider his happiness First even though it is not the best school.
I feel so torn.

But I am the one dealing with all of the phone calls, meetings and parents evenings. He is not even doing drops offs and pick ups.
Why the fuck not?

Two suspensions in half a term is serious. What are you doing as a family to help him to regulate his emotions?
What happened on transfer day for him to hate his tutor?

do you know what the fall out with his friend was about that led to the friend’s older sibling getting involved?

Does he still have contact with his friends from primary? Would moving him actually mean he had friends? Does he do clubs / activities out of school? Is he learning how to socialise?

May still need an EHCP? He needs an EHCP now.

He needs an EHCP

Is DS on ADHD medication?

Is he receiving any support for his anxiety?

What support is the school providing? What have they already tried that hasn’t worked? Are they dealing with the bullying?

Have the suspensions been proper formal suspensions with the correct paperwork? Did the school follow the correct procedures? And I hope the school hasn’t just suspended because they can’t meet DS’s SEN? What support did they try before resorting to suspension? Have you challenged any of the suspensions?

Why is DS going to be on a part-time timetable? Hope the school is not using this as a way to manage behaviour.

Have you met with the SENCO.

Request an EHCNA now. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

Personally, I wouldn’t look to move schools now. Some LAs sometimes use recent school moves as an unlawful reason to refuse to assess or issue an EHCP. With the line DC need time to settle. It is unlawful and you would be able to challenge the decision but personally I would avoid a situation where it could be used as a reason.

Also, friendships change a lot when DC move school. There’s no guarantee it would be how it was before.

Three months in and already on a reduced timetable, that's a lot for both of you. I wonder if school have said how they're thinking of building his hours back up? It might help a little with working out what feels right for him.