Sleep for 9YO With ADHD

[TripleTruffle]

After play fighting turned to physically fighting with their younger sibling after dinner despite separating them multiple times, tonight is the second night in a row I've needed to take myself away even before bed time. 9YO will not sleep in their room and kept chatting whilst I was trying to sleep which is often by 9pm latest. This is due to broken sleep from a 4YO who is getting up in the middle of the night then fully awake at dawn. I asked DC(9) to stop chatting whilst warning them they'd need to leave the room if they continued then asked them to go to their room to sleep when they did it again less than 3 minutes later. "Sorry, I wasn't aware the timer had started. I won't do it again." As its a recent pattern, ignoring our warnings, I stood my ground.

They then went to the toilet for what seemed the 10th time, after 20 minutes of them reading and messing around, I ended up boiling up when they asked to come in our room to sleep again and said no, I'd quite frankly just had enough and was so cross they needed to go to sleep in their room and leave me alone. I said that people don't just keep getting more and more chances in life and it was now a lesson. I feel awful but nothing seems to wind them down but me staying with them and I can't do it every night anymore.

They then put their light on and start playing, I go in and turn all the lights off, they turn them on again and get out a book to read. DH then isolates the lights, DC(9) then (despite usual) says they need light to sleep and have a massive meltdown. They then whack on an audio story, we turn it off as 1 always turns into 5 and they don't actually work to help DC with sleep. DC won't sleep with covers so the weighted blanked/sock doesn't help.

Please help with suggestions with sleep!

My 11 year old is the same. He doesn't seem to need sleep, ASD and probably ADHD too. He has the light on in his room all night. I bought him a wordsearch book, he just does wordsearches and eventually falls asleep but he doesn't keep anyone else awake anymore. He shares a room but luckily his brother sleeps through anything

I was literally in despair myself this evening with my 8yo ADHD child... Every. Single. Bloody. Night. Can't offer much advice because I need some myself, I've tried the incentives, calm reasoning, timers, talking, pleading, yelling, nothing bloody works!!

Melatonin and sitting in the room with her till she fell asleep were the only things that worked here. Had to do the latter till she was 11 or 12. Still taking the melatonin. I think she just makes less of it than regular people.

That line about "the timer had started" says a lot. It suggests the rules need to be set out clearly and written down beforehand, rather than relying on in the moment warnings that get argued over once everyone's exhausted at 9pm. A simple routine card with the fixed steps (one loo trip, one chat, lights off, no reopening it) can take the heat out of things because you're just pointing at the card rather than being the baddie. A short wind down with you before the solo bit starts might also meet the need for chat earlier, and since covers and the blanket are out, a dim lamp on a timer plug could help without you being the one switching it off.

Does DC(4) have any additional needs?

Does DC(9) take anything to help with their sleep? Are they on ADHD medication? Has DC had an OT assessment?

How is DC’s communication? Can DC explain why they find being in their room hard?

Can DH stay with DC?

Have you tried the elastic band technique? Or an adapted version of gradual retreat? These work for some.

DS3 takes melatonin, which works as long as he has had enough exercise during the day. DS1 takes melatonin and some other sleep medication. He needs someone with him at night.