This is a long one sorry...
Recently had devastating news that my 13 yr old sons alternative provision can't meet his needs and so he has lost his morning place. It was very sudden and abrupt-we weren't aware things were at this stage. He has no interest in learning but academically able. He prioritizes friendships and the social side. He has been like this for last few years. They said it was due to him being disruptive and not engaging with work. He was at a therapeutic learning provision for kids that have been out of school, Neurodiverse kids, trauma etc etc. He is ASD, ADHD, high anxiety, EBSA (was out of mainstream for over a year, couldnt cope with transition to secondary school) I also think theres ODD or PDA in there personally as absolutely every thing with him is a battle. He hates being told what to so, authority, a lot of defiance and controlling behaviors.
Basically they rang the day before and phrased as a discussion to see if he would switch to afternoons instead as they think being with older kids (older ones go in for afternoon) would be a more calming setting for him and a good influence work wise. It was left as see what we think, have a chat. I said no it wouldn't work-I know my son and I know the issues it would bring. Eg, change of routine, being taken away from his newly made friends, losing his afternoons to socialise outside of school with his friend and the anxiety it would cause being with older kids etc. These are all the incentives I have to get him in. Without them I'm back to square one.
The following day they rang to say had we thought about it, I stated it was a firm no. They told me they can't meet his needs so theres no choice. We have had a few more discussions and my son has not been EBSA for nearly two weeks now and they still aren't budging. He is not willing to try an afternoon. We managed to get him there one day but he would not get out of the car even. We are trying once more then giving up. I feel so hurt, let down and broken. We really thought this was the place for him and that they really were different and genuinely understood kids like this. He's not easy and is a complex child I know but again, hes been let down by the system and given up on. We have tried 1:1 home tutor, online learning, he wouldn't engage with those either. We knew the only chance he would engage in learning was if it had a social side, so we pushed for AP. His attendance was up to about 80% which coming from 0 was amazing. He was there 7 months, started to build up trusting relationships which has been huge for him considering the trauma he went through with school. He now views this as a punishment and hates them. So even if we do manage to get him to try....how long until they say it's still not working and let us down again. He's obviously on his last warning and I will feel on edge all the time, waiting for that phone call.
I presume if we do get him anywhere else now, it will be a behavioral place now. Anyone at all been in this situation or similar??
I feel so alone and low. I'm heartbroken. If AP can't even meet his needs, what will