Developmental Delay - how do I stop comparing to other babies/toddlers?

[ThatHappyEagle]

Please help!

My 14 mo is developmentally behind. We are seeing some progress, albeit slow, which I am delighted about but it feels like the gap with other babies is getting bigger and bigger and I’m really struggling with not getting upset about that. Every time I go out places, see my friends, do school pick up I’m seeing babies that are the same age or younger doing things that she’s not doing and my anxiety goes crazy, I cry, and my mood is so low afterwards. I feel like it’s so unfair that life might be harder for her and I wonder why our family is facing this uncertainty and fear. Obviously I know they life gives everyone lemons from time to time but right now it feels like everyone I know is living the dream with no stress while we’re here not knowing what the future holds for my beautiful daughter.

I really want to just enjoy this stage and be able to celebrate what progress she is making so I’m hoping someone who has come out the other side of this might have some advice for me.

OP, would you find it helpful to self refer to talking therapy, so that you can speak to someone about how you feel?

www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-services/find-nhs-talking-therapies-for-anxiety-and-depression/

As pp suggested, some people find counselling or therapy helpful.

Have you found a local group for DC with SEN? Some find meeting other parents whose DC have SEN &/or other DC with SEN helpful.

@roaringdragon thank your for your suggestion. I am doing CBT but unfortunately I don’t feel like much progress has been made. It’s like I can’t shake off the intense anxiety and then the envy that others don’t have to worry about this stuff.

@TheSquareMile I deffo think having other mums to talk to who are experiencing something similar would help me but unfortunately I haven’t been able to find this yet. I went to a mums and tots group for little ones with additional needs but unfortunately the others kids were all older than my baby so at a very different stage and didn’t really get talking to other mums as they were all busy (understandably) looking out for their kids.

Your local parent carer forum might run a group for parents of DC with additional needs or be able to signpost you to somewhere that does.

There may be a local opportunity group too.

Your HV may know of a group.

It is also worth looking at your local offer.

I would say though, don’t rule out a group just because other parents’ DC are older.

Have you considered medication? Some find it helps.

@roaringdragon I’ll look into parents carer forum, thank you.

I think it might come to me needing medication to get through this. I was trying to avoid if possible just because of the side effects and but the most important thing is that I can be my best for my family 😓