Does support for SEN improve as children get older?

[blubberball]

Is SEN generally more accepted as young people get older? I have found that when my ds was in nursery, we essentially were not believed. My ds' global developmental delays were initially picked up at his 2.5 year check with health visitors. I remember a horrible GP appointment, where the GP refused to refer him to a paediatrician as the health visitors asked me to request. He shrugged and said he was a baby, even though he was 2 and a half. He shouted after me across the waiting room "Did you smoke and drink during your pregnancy?" In shock, I quietly answered No, and went and cried in my car. We managed to get referred to the paediatrician through the health visitors.

Then he started nursery and school, where the teachers essentially thought I was overly anxious. When I asked the senco for help with applying for an EHCP, she said she wouldn't support the application, and the school wouldn't support the application. We ended up switching primary schools to one with a more supportive senco. The council were refusing his EHCP, and we had to keep appealing it. We had to go to court over zoom during COVID. He was diagnosed with a genetic disorder in year 6, which was causing his global developmental delays and behavioural issues. It was only with this definitive diagnosis that the council agreed to issue his EHCP. He had struggled in mainstream primary school this whole time, even though the second school was more supportive, it was ultimately still mainstream. He was able to get a place at a secondary school with an SEN unit attached to a mainstream school. To be fair, this has been a great place for him.

Now we are looking at college, and have found an amazing SEN college where I'm hoping he will thrive after GCSEs. It is much smaller than mainstream college, and there will only be about 8 young learners in a group. The staff seem so knowledgeable and understanding of the young people's needs. They have dedicated sensory rooms and a team of therapists.

I just find it extremely frustrating that this kind of support wasn't there when he was young, and had to cope in a mainstream school because no one would listen or help him. He was just expected to fit in and get on with it.

Of course, after college is over and he has to go out into the world, I expect that we'll be pretty much back at square one. Back into a world where he's just expected to fit in and get on with it. One can hope that he'll find a supportive work placement

The short answer is no, it's a random postcode lottery and too much is down to luck and parental advocacy.

I'm really sorry about how you were treated though. That's awful! There was a whole report written about "parental blame" though...

Oh yes, we absolutely get blamed. Must be something we're doing. When a child copes well with life, it must be down to outstanding parenting, and not sheer luck. Any struggles my dc don't have, I know is down to sheer luck. I know it wasn't my "amazing parenting", and other parents aren't "good enough". It's ridiculous to think that we would purposely opt in to our dc struggling with things because we can't be bothered to parent properly, when anyone can see we're trying our best, and in many cases, trying much harder than any one else. These dc aren't living life on easy mode, and it's a struggle for them and us that we would all rather not be going through, if only we could just "try to parent better" 🤦‍♀️

For many, the range of placements available becomes narrower post 16 and in particular post 18/19 rather than the range of placements improving. Many find securing the right SEP becomes harder too, again particularly post 18/19, especially because so many LAs act unlawfully by trying to cease to maintain when they shouldn’t.

Specialist schools set up how you describe the specialist college (e.g. much smaller, smaller class size, more specialist staff, sensory rooms, therapists on site) exist. Sadly, too many are fobbed off by the LA. Some of these appeal for the right placement and for a multitude of reasons, some don’t. If the LA doesn’t name your preferred post 16 placement when they finalise the phase transfer EHCP, which they must do by 31st March if DS is in Y11 now, you will be able to appeal.