ADHD? Something else? Normal behaviour?

[Fourlittlepiggies]

I am struggling with what I think are 3 ND dc. This post is specifically to ask about the youngest.

He is just 4 and can be lovely, well behaved, kind and spend hours playing with his siblings, playing board games etc. He is extremely articulate and pre school have commented on his knowledge of the world and popular culture (!). BUT he also:

• can have extreme tantrums
• can get physical with siblings and “roars” like a lion when angry. He has roared at a couple of friends recently
• sometimes walks off when we are out if he is unhappy and will not come back. This has resulted in me chasing after him whilst siblings/ friends are waiting for us
• today he licked a friend when we were out. I asked him why afterwards and he said he was being a puppy (he likes to be various animals)
• completely refuses instructions sometimes. Last week we went to a friend’s for lunch and he got up and left the table to play. He wouldn’t say thank you at the end, despite usually doing so.

I have asked his excellent and very experienced key worker at pre school and she assures me she sees nothing out of the ordinary when I explain this. The tantrums did calm down but seem to have started again.

Please help - what do you think reading this? I feel like anyone I try to talk this through with tells me it’s normal boy and/ or 4 year old behaviour.

Thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful and detailed reply. I feel exhausted! I think I would lean to believing/ trusting this is “normal” if it weren’t for his older siblings very recently presenting with some neurodivergent characteristics. I do wonder if I am looking for an answer when I just need to ride out this stage. I will see if the health visitor can provide some guidance.

thank you!

What you describe can be normal for some DC at DS’s age. If you are concerned, I would speak to the nursery (or school if DS is starting this September) and HV &/or GP. Before speaking to the HV/GP, you might want to look at the Ages and Stages Questionnaires. I would also talk in terms of DS’s general development because ADHD will not be diagnosed at 4. You won’t get a referral for assessment for it either.