Parents of SEN children, what were they like at age two or three?

[Jackofallmasterofnone]

I've got four children, one is 11 with no sen issues. The second is 3yrs, he's currently non verbal but very vocal, pretty interactive and seeks out interactions with adults, he has limited eye contact and doesn't follow many instructions and doesn't often respond to his name.
My third is 2yrs, he's also non verbal and not particularly vocal, only making 4/5 different sounds sporadically, he used to make many more. He's very interactive, has good eye contact and follows many instructions, almost always responding to his name. He seeks interactions with children and adults.
My fourth is only 7 months, I'm holding it hope he just meets milestones as usual.

I'm wondering what other people's sen children were like at 2/3yrs and where they are now. If they've started speaking, what do you think helped in that? Second already has EHCP and DLA. Both are on paediatric pathway for any diagnosis and both are under SALT already. Any suggestions also welcome.

I'm just trying to get my head around the life we've got rather than the one we expected. It feels like a lot some days.

It feels like a lot for you because it is a lot.

If Home Start operates in your area, have a look at them.

Have you had social care assessments? A carer’s assessment for you and assessments of DC2&3’s needs.

There may not be anything suitable but also have a look at your local short breaks offer.

Is DC2’s EHCP good? Is he in nursery?

Has an EHCNA been requested for DC3?

Are you receiving DLA for DC2&3 and any other benefits you are entitled to? Could you afford to outsource some things e.g. shopping deliveries and a cleaner?

For DC1, you might want to look at your local young carers service and Sibs.

I'll take a look at home start, i hadn't heard of that. I don't think we'd be entitled to anything as my partner and I both earn a decent wage, although I'm on maternity leave currently, so we're skint!
The EHCP is good but they've just said they think during the next review they'll suggest a special school rather than mainstream which is upsetting, but whatevers best for him we'll do.
DC3 EHCP is in the offing, we're currently having action for inclusion meetings which are required before an application.

I'll request a social care assessment too, I'll take whatever help i can.

We can't afford a cleaner etc. the only family who are willing to help out are hours away unfortunately.

Both 2&3yr old are in nursery term time only. Both settled but we're not seeing much progress with them at all. They've both been pretty stagnant for about a year.

We get DLA for 3yr old but can't apply with 2yr old until he's 3.

I'll have a look at the young carers information, i hadn't even considered that.

Thank you!

I'm just hoping so badly that they both start talking and we can progress them enough for them to have happy independent lives

My DS is AuDHD.

he didn’t talk until just over 3. And even then couldn’t have a flowing conversation.
he’s been under SALT since he was 2 and is still under them now.
EHCP also.
Now at 7, you wouldn’t think he was delayed in speech but he struggles with the understanding side.
The social side, he never so much as looked at another child when he was younger, and only started taking an interest once he started school. But I would say in year 2 (going into y3 in Sep) has been a turning point for him socially and he now has friends.

he never responded to his name, eye contact was limited, both of those are ok now. Eye contact can still be abit low at times.

it feels like alot because it is. I found once DS was diagnosed it felt like a turning point; even though we knew all along.

I think special schools can sound scary, and whilst DS is in mainstream I have friends whose children attend specialist schools and they have come on so much and are genuinely happier in themselves.

You can apply for DLA for DC3 now. The care component can be paid now. It is the mobility component that can be paid until 3 (high rate mobility) or 5 (low rate mobility).

I would look at UC even if you and DH earn well. You may not be eligible, but when families have disabled DC, the threshold can be far higher than many realise. Particularly once you are in receipt of DLA for DC3 too.

On their website, Contact has model letters you can use to request social care assessments.

Action for inclusion meetings aren’t required before requesting an EHCNA. Your LA might like them, but they aren’t required by law. You can make the request yourself now. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

That's really helpful thank you

I hope our journey mirrors yours, it sounds like your son is thriving. I hope he continues going strength to strength. I think talking is the sticking point for us here.
I'm currently trying to potty train both non verbal toddlers while my partner's at work and eldest is away. It's incredibly lonely and frustrating having no conversation while surrounded by little people always needing something.

I think i need a crystal ball just so i know it won't always be like this.