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Here you'll find advice from parents and teachers on special needs education.

The future

3 replies

ApplepieGirl1 · 22/07/2026 08:01

Please can anyone offer me any insight?

I have an autistic son just about to turn five who I of course love more than anything but going through a very difficult stage of parenting at the moment. He has never been in any way a chilled out child, lots of PDA traits, but at the moment he is totally exhausting me. He says no to everything, every step of the day - teeth, getting dressed, eating, toileting takes so much energy to achieve. He is constantly demanding things and is often dysregulated and taking it out on his younger sister. He is bright and can be really fun, although im seeing much less of that at the moment.

School is going to be a huge challenge when he starts in September and at the moment I cant ever see him being able to self regulate or be contented, maybe even make friends.

If anyone had a child at this at 5, does it get easier? Or more difficult (not what I want to hear but maybe I need to prepare myself!). Im feeling quite burnt out at the moment and worrying a lot about the future.

OP posts:
inthequietofdawn · 22/07/2026 14:02

It isn’t the answer you want, but unfortunately no-one can tell you what the future will hold.

Some find things get easier. Others don’t. Some find things change, but don’t necessarily get easier or harder.

What support do you and DS have now?

Have you spoken to the school’s SENCO? Does DS have an EHCP?

HappyInL0nd0n · 26/07/2026 23:53

Absolutely. Our little boy is turning eight in September and is about to start his fourth year of school. (My username is a bit deceptive these days, we've since moved to Ireland!)

I'm not going to sugarcoat it. The transition into school was tough for him. But one big difference was that he didn't have his autism diagnosis when he started, so everyone was trying to work out what was going on. You're already a step ahead because you know your little boy is autistic, and hopefully the school will be able to put supports in place from day one.

If it's an option, I'd definitely talk to the school before September. Reduced hours for a little while, a gradual transition or anything else that might help him settle could make a real difference.

For our son, it was a huge jump from a lovely little playschool with lots of free play into a structured classroom. He found the uniform uncomfortable, the noise overwhelming, sitting still really difficult, and the playground was probably the hardest part of all. We seemed to be getting called into school every other week at the start.

But honestly, it did get so much better.

As the teachers got to know him, and he got to know them, and school became more predictable, everything became easier. This past year has honestly been brilliant. He had a fantastic teacher, a couple of lovely little buddies, got invited to birthday parties, and genuinely enjoys going to school now. His friendships probably don't always look quite like other children's. He still misses social cues sometimes because that's part of being autistic. But he has children who genuinely like him and enjoy spending time with him.

One thing I wish I'd understood sooner was just how much school took out of him. By the time he got home he was often completely spent, even on days that had gone well. Looking back, I wish I'd built more decompression time into our afternoons and been gentler with my expectations after school.

I know it's hard not to look years ahead when they're five. I still catch myself doing it sometimes. But I've learned that these children can surprise us. They grow, they mature, they find their people, and they develop strategies we can't imagine when they're little.

Wishing you and your son all the very best for September. There are no guarantees with any child, but there is every reason to be hopeful.

Phineyj · 28/07/2026 22:14

I do have one tip which is look at Sensory Smart for seamless versions of school clothing. At least that might slightly reduce battles over clothes.

Request an EHCNA using the template on the IPSEA website if you don't already have one.

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