EHCP process and dealing with EBSA for 2 children at the same time

[MumofMaskers]

I’m looking for advice from anyone who has gone through the EHCP process for two children at the same time, while managing their needs and EBSA. I thought I could handle it with one but now it's both and I am not equipped to deal.

They are both masking at school but struggling significantly at home. We are either in EBSA territory or heading there with both of them (DD7 is on reduced timetable since before Christmas, DS5 now struggling to do full days most days).

They have different presentations but both probably ASD/ADHD and sensory challenges. Both hold it together in school to some degree and then unravel at home. They have big feelings and have both expressed in different ways that they want to die or have tried to hurt themselves, which is very scary at their young ages. My son in particular is exhibiting unsafe behaviours and we had an incident which led to my daughter being harmed and needing to remove all sharp objects in our house a few weeks ago. I am exhausted and often the recipient of his aggression before we get out of the door in the morning.

At the moment I feel like I am juggling SEND paperwork, chasing a small school with a one-day-a-week SENCO, trying to evidence needs that aren’t always visible in class, managing reduced attendance, doing bits of home learning, and regulating two dysregulated children.

Because they aren’t “causing problems” in class, I don’t always feel taken seriously. There’s a constant undertone of “they seem fine here.” Meanwhile I’m picking them up after an hour some days and feeling like I’ve failed at basic parenting and schooling.

We applied for an ECHNA for my daughter before Xmas and had a meeting with the LA a while back, following refusal to assess. On hearing what is happening with my son they said we should start the EHCNA process for him too. I know this is probably right. But I can't get any time with the school to discuss a plan.

Has anyone navigated two EHCP processes at once? How did you manage the admin and advocacy without burning out completely? How did you evidence needs when your children masked in school? Did things get worse before they got better?

I also have moments where I think about home educating just to remove the daily trauma, but realistically I don’t think that’s sustainable for our family long-term, and I worry about losing access to support altogether.

I suppose I’m asking both for practical advice and some reassurance from people further down the line. How do you get through this phase without losing your mind?

Sorry this is long and rambling.

Yes, I understand that feeling - it is almost intolerable. It's so hard to have that feeling repeatedly day after day.

I will have a look at adjustments we could make to his room and where we could fit more sensory equipment in.

It's all about Ninjago at the moment, or making potions. Could try and make it into some kind of ninja mission! He doesn't like going out when the weather is even a bit horrible either, so hopefully that will gradually get easier now it's getting towards summer.

I would really push for a home OT assessment and complain if refused. They can help to make the house safer, including looking at things like windows.

If you haven’t already read the Out of Sync Child book, that is good for sensory needs. There is the Out of Sync Child has Fun book. Also, you might find this booklet helpful, and some of the Occuplaytional therapist’s resources.

Do you have a garden?

My DSs need a huge amount of sensory input. We have a lot of sensory equipment but you would be surprised what you can integrate in to everyday life without specialist equipment.

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These are good. Mostly soap flakes so they get a wash too!

It is so hard to get accepted for OT where we live, hence going for private assessments but these don't seem to be worth the paper they're written on. It's a good idea though - I can't self refer and have asked GP for urgent appointment but I can't see them for 2 weeks. Then if they do refer and we're accepted, I think I have to do a series of online training, implement strategies for 3 months and only then if they are satisfied nothing has worked can we move to the next stage which I think is an appointment. I imagine a home visit is almost impossible.

It's so, so hard to get help. When my son's behaviour was first really scaring me in January I contacted the GP and we're no further forward. A failed RTC referral for his ASD assessment which I'm trying to redo, they denied that this was an issue but I finally got them to admit they'd not done it properly yesterday and now we're back to square one. SENCO will need to do forms after easter now so a good wait to see if he will be accepted. Also trying for PALMS (is this a UK service or maybe only where we live?) and again, SENCO was meant to refer and didn't, so now need to wait several weeks before any professional will help. It's so depressing.

@Needlenardlenoo ah yes, these kits are what started the obsession! The kids both love them, it keeps them busy and not too much mess as you say, except a few purple stains in the bath.

If we were to invest in anything what would be the best thing to spend money on at the moment? And yes we have a garden, we're about to get a big trampoline.

His favourite time of day is when my husband gets home from work and he gets to crash into him and use him as a human climbing frame. Not sure my husband enjoys it so much!

If you have a garden, have you thought about a climbing frame. Not the standard climbing frame for young children. You can get ones that cater for older DC and adults. We have one that it is used every day by DS2&3. It is a big hit with DS2’s friends and DNs too.

If you don’t think that will help, what about a sensory swing? Lots use them in the house but you can use them in the garden. DS1 loves the sensory swing we have.

If you are tight on space inside, do you have space in a doorway? You can get kits that can be used in doorways. For example, the gorilla gym or one of the southpaw kits. Also, a pull up bar for the doorway.

DS2&3 use the punchbag we have daily too.

We also have a steamroller (similar to the type you get in soft play) and a steamroller slide. We use them inside, but I know someone who uses the steamroller outside and stores it in a shed when it isn’t being used.

Home OT assessments happen in all areas. They are dealt with slightly differently to normal appointments. The aim is to look at adaptations, aids and equipment in order to make the house safer and better meet DC’s needs.

What about those inflatable sumo suits? My only experience is at a hen do but sounds like it might reduce bruising to DH!

A climbing frame could be a good shout - as we have the park next to us I always thought this was unnecessary but this could solve the issue of them not wanting to leave the house. Saying that, we did go this afternoon and it was lovely and sunny - hopefully it will get a bit easier to fulfil the needs. What do you attach a sensory swing to in the garden?

Also sorry for questions but how do you request a home assessment then? It seems to be massively gate kept here.

@Needlenardlenoo I love this idea - I will suggest it to my husband!

You can get frames for sensory swings. Some are more sturdy than others. Some frames can be used in the garden. I know a few who have made their own frames.

For outside we have a nest swing. Then, for inside, we have an attachment on the ceiling that swings can attach to. Not all ceilings are suitable, so you would need to check.

I know some who have their sensory swing attached to a tree outside that but a) we don’t have a suitable tree in our garden, b) DS2 doesn’t need any encouragement to undertake impulsive risk-taking behaviour, and c) DS1 would use it less if the swing was outside.

Sorry I didn’t answer your OT question. Too busy focusing on sensory kit. Referral process will vary depending on area. If you google your area, ‘OT’ and ‘aids adaptations equipment’ you may be able to find the service’s phone number. If the number is only for adults, they should be able to tell you who to contact for children. If you can’t find a number to call, your GP &/or your local carer’s service should know.

My kids also loved potion making. You could go to the park/for a walk for potion ingredients, especially as the flowers come out and you can use petals. I bought different coloured shampoos, conditioners, shaving foam that were like a pound. The kids loved that, stick them in the bath with various cups and plastic bowls, spoons, calpol syringes.

You should be able to ask your council for a childs care act assessment (might be called something different) which should be a OT assessment but im not sure if that depends on your area?

Im loving the sumo suit idea, and the climbing frame ideas from @ExistingonCoffee

Our sensory swing is indoors and attached to the ceiling. If you are considering a climbing frame you could look at one with a bucket swing on the end, or swap it for a sensory swing. A trampoline definitely sounds like the ideal. For indoors thick rugs are your friend for things like the peanut ball. Any falls are cushioned a little. Ive previously used large dog beds too. My youngest likes the sofa cushions too and happily sandwiches himself between them. A good clear out of clutter helps the space feel not so small too.

If you have any local SEN networks im sure people would be happy to lend you equipment to try. Alternatively I find second hand SEN equipment is usually in great condition and a good price. Kids either seem to love something so much theyll use it till it wears out or the novelty wears off quickly so its sold in great condition.

I can’t take credit for the sumo suit idea, that was @Needlenardlenoo.

It is worth checking if you have a lending library locally.

Just remembered we had one of these when DD was little. Hours of fun falling off it on the beach and grass. They don't even need pumping up - you just wave them about assertively then twist the end over.

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If anyone reading thinks something like what @Needlenardlenoo has linked to would work but for the fact it is inflatable, you can get non-inflatable cocoon seats/pods. My DS1 is a biter. Inflatable items don’t last long around him.

Thanks all, some really great suggestions. I was getting a bit of decision paralysis with this so have just gone and ordered the trampoline and think we have space for a swing in the garden, not a climbing frame too but I'm going to try and get over to the park a lot more for that. Have also got a wobble board, peanut ball and spinning chair for inside.

Sadly I checked and a home visit will be very hard to get due to the referral process here. But yes - lending library also a great shout, we have a great one we have used several times for both kids near us, good for trying those bigger items you aren't sure you want to commit to.

My son is similar with inflatable items! More the challenge of trying to find something sharp to deflate them...

I wanted to comment as your situation sounds so similar to mine. I have 7 year old twins, both ASD diagnosed. I really pushed my son to go in to school when he was in shut down / melt down because of the pressure I felt from the school. I really regret that and it weighs heavy on me. He has been in total burn out for months now and goes in a couple of days a week for an hour and plays with sand. No education. My daughter enjoys the idea of school so is happy to attend, but is completely unable to cope when there and just wonders around the classroom all day. The school have been awful. They blamed me, denied things that had actually been witnessed and reported by other teachers etc. SENCO told me my son will only be able to access education if he has an EHCP, I applied and she told the LA the school are meeting need so assessment was refused. My advice is to put your children’s needs ahead of anything else, even with the pressure. Because the school won’t. I learnt the hard way that the school witnessing first hand how hard it is doesn’t change the situation or their views. It only ends up with you and the kids feeling worse. I’m really glad your appeal worked out, I really hope the LA overturn their refusal to assess for my son too. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you

@MyAdeptZebra while you are appealing the EHCP, have you requested alternative provision for DS from the LA under section 19 of the Education Act 1996? That doesn’t require an EHCP.

Have you also requested an expedited hearing on the basis DS is not in school full time?

If you haven’t already, I would request an EHCNA for DD too.

@MyAdeptZebra that sounds so hard - I totally get it about feeling the pressure from the school to keep sending them in, it's so hard to push back when they make you feel that way. I had a lot of that at my kids last school, this one is a bit better. The tactics they use are just appalling - I don't understand why they would give you that false hope and then take it away. Yep, have definitely learnt over the last year that I just have to be 'that parent' as uncomfortable as it is - like you say, no one else will act in their best interests.

Fingers crossed for your son too, I am waiting to hear if mine will be assessed and guessing it will be a refusal first time like with my daughter. But at least we know what we're doing now in terms of appealing.

Agree with @ExistingonCoffee it might be worth getting the ball rolling for your daughter too. A lot of people told me it would be too much to apply for both at the same time, but we've ended up in a position where we have to.

Here if you ever want to chat.

I had considered applying for my daughter, I just don’t know if I have the evidence to back it up. My son has OCD and private psychology treatment for that, private SALT assessment and therapy sessions due to delays and difficulties, he has chronic withholding issues and has been on daily laxitives for almost 5 years. His issues are glaring and across all settings. My daughter hasn’t had any private treatment as over the years I’ve managed to adapt to her needs. My kids school are so bad at record keeping and communicating that I only know how school is going based on what my kids tell me. I have to go on all school trips on a 1:1 capacity to support my daughter because she runs away and hides, same with school swimming lessons. I have to drive her as she can’t cope with the coach and the noise that brings. But all school ever tell me is ‘she’s fine’. They say day to day in school she has no issues, it’s only on trips as the routine and environment is different etc. which I find it hard to believe. All I know is that she is unable to stay seated in class and she’s been moved to sit on a desk on her own as she wasn’t doing well being seated next to other kids. I do feel guilty applying for all of this help for my son and not my daughter, I just don’t have the information on what things are actually like in school because they minimise everything. What would you advise?

@MyAdeptZebra I would still request an EHCNA for DD. The test for an EHCNA is relatively low. It is a) has or may have SEN, and b) may need special educational provision to be made via an EHCP. This can be proven in different ways, including by showing assessment is required to understand needs and the support required. Even if you do t think you can evidence the test at this point, I would still request an EHCNA with the knowledge you can gather further evidence for appeal if necessary.

I have to go on all school trips on a 1:1 capacity to support my daughter because she runs away and hides, same with school swimming lessons. I have to drive her as she can’t cope with the coach and the noise that brings.

Do you have this in writing? BTW, the school should not be requiring you to do this.

You could make a SAR to gather data.

Follow up all verbal conversations with emails to create a paper trail.

I totally hear you, this is the exact situation I'm in with my son as he's only 5. I've applied anyway and sure enough we had a meeting this morning with the school and LA and the meeting LA confirmed refusal to assess, so it's time to appeal again. With both my children we've struggled with school evidence as they mask, and with my daughter the LA conceded before we got to appeal without ever seeing any evidence from school so it is possible if there is enough evidence from other sources. We have been able to get a few private reports which helps, I don't know if that's an option for you, I know it's a lot to pay out.

It sounds like you have a lot of school evidence, things like needing to accompany her on school trips should speak for itself. If you can't get the SENCO or head to listen or have a meeting have you tried things like your local SENDIASS?

It's all so hard and a constant battle, One of the things the SENCO said to me this morning I found so frustrating is that when they spoke to the LA Early Years team they said they couldn't support my son as he isn't in school enough and they've 'never heard of anything like this for a child of this age'. Can that be true?!

Surely the reason he isn’t in school enough is because they can’t support? It sounds like they’re treating my his reduced hours as the cause and the symptom being the inability to offer support. When it’s the other way around. That’s like when my school say that my sons issues are he wants to stay with me… whereas he wants to stay with me because he can’t cope in school. With my daughter, in reception they suggested a reduced timetable because she was 4, they were having a lot of difficulty managing her meltdowns and didn’t need to be in full time. I said no because that would have really upset her as she always wanted to go no matter how much she melted down in school.

Yeah I will do it. Getting a reply from school is like getting blood out of a stone so it’s mostly verbal. The application may be a bit thin but I’ll give it a shot!

@MumofMaskers it’s not true. It is fobbing you off.

Be careful with SENDIASS. Some are good but too many repeat the LA’s unlawful policies.

If anyone needs independent assessments for appeal but can’t afford them, there are options. If you are eligible for legal aid, rather legal help for appeals to SENDIST, that can fund independent assessments. If not, you could look at charity funding.

@MyAdeptZebra you don’t need the school to reply to the emails you send after verbal conversations. It is just you setting out the conversation to create the paper trail. Add a line asking them to reply if they disagree with the content. Then it becomes a matter of record.