EHCP process and dealing with EBSA for 2 children at the same time

[MumofMaskers]

I’m looking for advice from anyone who has gone through the EHCP process for two children at the same time, while managing their needs and EBSA. I thought I could handle it with one but now it's both and I am not equipped to deal.

They are both masking at school but struggling significantly at home. We are either in EBSA territory or heading there with both of them (DD7 is on reduced timetable since before Christmas, DS5 now struggling to do full days most days).

They have different presentations but both probably ASD/ADHD and sensory challenges. Both hold it together in school to some degree and then unravel at home. They have big feelings and have both expressed in different ways that they want to die or have tried to hurt themselves, which is very scary at their young ages. My son in particular is exhibiting unsafe behaviours and we had an incident which led to my daughter being harmed and needing to remove all sharp objects in our house a few weeks ago. I am exhausted and often the recipient of his aggression before we get out of the door in the morning.

At the moment I feel like I am juggling SEND paperwork, chasing a small school with a one-day-a-week SENCO, trying to evidence needs that aren’t always visible in class, managing reduced attendance, doing bits of home learning, and regulating two dysregulated children.

Because they aren’t “causing problems” in class, I don’t always feel taken seriously. There’s a constant undertone of “they seem fine here.” Meanwhile I’m picking them up after an hour some days and feeling like I’ve failed at basic parenting and schooling.

We applied for an ECHNA for my daughter before Xmas and had a meeting with the LA a while back, following refusal to assess. On hearing what is happening with my son they said we should start the EHCNA process for him too. I know this is probably right. But I can't get any time with the school to discuss a plan.

Has anyone navigated two EHCP processes at once? How did you manage the admin and advocacy without burning out completely? How did you evidence needs when your children masked in school? Did things get worse before they got better?

I also have moments where I think about home educating just to remove the daily trauma, but realistically I don’t think that’s sustainable for our family long-term, and I worry about losing access to support altogether.

I suppose I’m asking both for practical advice and some reassurance from people further down the line. How do you get through this phase without losing your mind?

Sorry this is long and rambling.

If your son struggles with writing, have you tried typing? It's often easier than handwriting for children with coordination issues. The act of handwriting can be so tiring, painful and mentally distracting from what they should write about. Schools should provide typing lessons with software like NessyFingers to children struggling to write or even spell, and allow use of word processors, but some might require an OT assessment first. We had to provide an NHS OT standadardised test on writing speed and letter formation, but it had to be retaken after 2 years at 7 and show no improvements over that time period to get permission for typing established, so your son might have to struggle on for 2 years and if he improves a bit he might fail (as in pass) the test. I feel your pain. Once children deliver 'expected' or above age related expectations and good behaviour, many schools won't consider them as having SEND, and you don't want them having to fail first to prove it to school. But the system almost forces you to take your hands of the wheel and foot off the break and let them crash so that someone can spot something. Even then they might still say they are fine.

Nessy Fingers age range is 7+. Although some use it younger, the school is unlikely to use it at this point. At this point in reception, the school is unlikely to move to typing for a child with OP’s DS’s presentation who doesn’t have it stated in their EHCP.

Schools who are deciding if a child has SEN or not based purely on their academic level is acting unlawfully. DC do not have to fail first. OP can request an EHCNA now.

Yes my son would be too young for typing at the moment, he's only in reception. I can see it's going to be a case of having to battle the school so like you say best to just apply for the EHCNA now.

An unexpected win today - have just heard that the LA have agreed to assess my daughter. A long way to go but feels like validation and gives me a bit of confidence that I can do this! Also had a meeting with the school and they understand a bit more what is going on with my son now, and have agreed to a reduced timetable at least until Easter. One day at a time but will take the wins today.

That's great progress, OP.

That’s fab to hear @MumofMaskers two big steps further on!!! 🤗

Great news.

The LA should concede the appeal you have submitted rather than you withdrawing.

During the EHCNA, the LA must seek advice and information from:
a) the child’s parent or the young person;
b) educational advice (usually from the head teacher or principal);
c) medical advice and information from a health care professional;
d) psychological advice and information from an educational psychologist;
e) advice and information in relation to social care;
f) advice and information from any other person the local authority thinks appropriate;
g) where the child or young person is in or beyond year 9, advice and information in relation to provision to assist the child or young person in preparation for adulthood and independent living; and
h) advice and information from any person the child’s parent or young person reasonably requests that the local authority seek advice from.

H can include things like SALT, OT, etc. so be sure to request them. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

@ExistingonCoffee Yes, they've said they're conceding and I should hear from SENDIST to confirm that the appeal process has concluded. I originally requested the EHCNA in December, so time wise it's better than expected to be here at this point.

Thanks so much for that list - I will look at the IPSEA template. I want to get a private EP on board but not sure when is the best point to do that, I guess it depends - do you know if there's a best time?

Personally, I wouldn’t seek an independent EP assessment at this point. Firstly, unless you are lucky with a cancellation, anyone good will have a wait. Secondly, unless money is no object, I would save your money in case you need to appeal refusal to issue &/or content. You may need to target your money. So you may decide the LA’s EP assessment will suffice. Not amazing but enough. But that you desperately need an independent OT assessment.

@ExistingonCoffee ok that's helpful to know. Yes, the good ones in this area do have a wait so would be looking at around 6 months. It's just because her profile is quite complex with the 2e aspect so I want to make sure we have a really strong report and the EP gets this presentation. I guess we can see how far we get with the LA EP and save it for if we need to appeal content like you say. I am always trying to jump two steps ahead!

If/when you seek an independent report, make sure you use someone with experience of writing medico-legal reports for SENDIST.

Yes, I did the EHCP process for two children simultaneously, going to tribunal for sections B, F & I (content and placement) just two weeks apart. It was exhausting and stressful, especially as both children had crashed out of Y7 and Y9 by Christmas and were home with burnout and unable to leave the house, engage with any learning, etc for the rest of that school year.

DH was supportive but, like you, I did the majority of the paperwork. We were fortunate in that the SENCo at our MS secondary was very supportive, so we didn't get any pressure/threats about attendance, all the absences were authorised and he supported our preference for a small independent SS in the tribunal hearing. We won both appeals and the kids are doing better (but not without some continued struggles.)

It takes a lot out of you, but you can totally do it. In addition to all the excellent advice already posted here, my advice would be to make sure you're building a paper trail of every conversation, meeting, etc that you have with the school, the LA, professionals, etc so that you can use it as evidence of needs, if necessary. And be kind to yourself. It's very hard.

@SpaceInvader321 wow, that sounds so stressful especially going to tribunal two weeks apart - well done you for getting through it. Yes it's really hard managing the burnout, trying to keep everyone regulated, I'm trying to do home learning and juggling all the meetings and paperwork which I can imagine are so intense if you have two processes at once, especially two tribunals!

We have just had the agreement to assess for my daughter and gathering evidence to apply for my son, so slightly different stages but I'm well aware that things could align so that things happen at the same time, depending on if they agree to assess my son too. Luckily the school is also supportive in terms of authorising absences etc which I am grateful for, we wouldn't have had this understanding at their previous school.

Totally agree about keeping all the paperwork - slowly building a file for each of them and trying to save everything in there in some sort of order! It is like a job.

Sorry to come back to this again but I don't know where to turn. I can't keep doing this and I know everyone says you can do it with two children at once but I really don't think I can. I'm completely burnt out, I have a back injury and am ill this week and things are worse than ever with my son. Things are at a point where the schools only answer is to force him in but they aren't putting any support in place, so we're going round and round in circles. I'm trying various helplines and no one ever calls back. His teacher told me I have to bring him to the classroom door but it's the furthest classroom from the gate and it's just impossible especially with my back injury - all the carrying a thrashing child has made it so much worse. The school know this but won't offer an alternative solution. By the time we get to the gate he's completely dysregulated and there's no way to get him across the playground without forcing, carrying etc and he's trying to run away and out of the gate which is unsafe. When I've explained this the teacher has just said 'it has been planned that you will bring him to the classroom door'. I know they don't like me bringing him to the office but that felt closer and safer. It's only been 3 months since we were in this exact situation with my daughter and no one is connecting the dots. This morning my husband did the drop off as I wanted to show we are trying to do what the school ask but he had to force him through the door screaming - just not prepared to do this again and in any case he can't do this every day as he has to get to work.

I just don't know what to do, I'm in a complete meltdown and having thoughts of running away rather than trying to fight this battle every day.

You don’t have to force DS in to school. DS doesn’t sound well enough to attend. Dragging him in is likely to cause further trauma. At the moment, you don’t have to explain away this to anyone. DS is not yet CSA, he doesn’t have to attend at all. Even next term, if DS is unable to attend because of his SEN, you don’t have to force him.

Please look after your back. My DC are older, but I have a DS1 who requires a lot of manual handling. I wish I had looked after my back more when he was younger.

You can't do this. It's not safe for you and it's not safe for him. When was he 5? If it was since Christmas I think you can keep him off quite legitimately until after Easter?

I know legally I don't but I'm feeling like such a failure especially with both children. But I don't think I have a choice anymore as they are giving us no safe option, my husband can see it's not possible too. He was 5 a month ago so he's not CSA for a few more weeks, but after Easter he will be.

I told the school about the challenges we were having at the end of January and things escalated around then with him not wanting to go in and each week it's got worse and harder. 7 weeks on there's still no change or support in place. We went through the exact same with my daughter but at least she had a diagnosis so in the end they were forced to accept it, this time we don't and they're saying they're following EBSA guidance, but they aren't really.

I just hate having to be so adversarial with the school and be that parent, but I know I have no choice. Also draining to be on our second school and having the same fights.

You aren’t a failure. Please don’t let the school make you feel like you are.

Even after Easter, if DS can’t attend, you don’t have to force him. At that point, the LA would also have a duty to provide s19 provision if DS can’t attend full-time.

Not having a diagnosis doesn’t matter. Support and reasonable adjustments in school are based on needs, not diagnosis.

I know he shouldn't need a diagnosis but as they insist he's fine in school I can't seem to get them to take it seriously as they can't see what support they could put in place. This happened at the last school too. I shared his OT assessment and they basically laughed at it, and I've sent it again, still falling on deaf ears. With my daughter, when they weren't listening we eventually were able to get them to by reinforcing their responsibilities under the disabilities act etc.

I am getting the EHCNA request off today, I don't have all the evidence yet but at least they'll know we're serious if I send it and get things started now.

Request another meeting with the HT and SENCO. Remind them they must make reasonable adjustments as per the Equality Act and they must make their best endeavours to meet DS’s SEN. Diagnosis or not. Follow up the verbal conversation with an email setting out what was discussed.

If the school doesn’t know what support to put in place, they should have approached outside agencies. They should have also made an EHCNA. There will be signs DS isn’t ‘fine’. The school just isn’t recognising them or seeing them but not recognising them for what they are.

If you don’t get anywhere, follow the formal complaints process.

Ok. I can do this. It will have to wait til after Easter because I am just too ill at the moment, but at least I have the breathing space of him not being CSA. Thank you for giving me the confidence that we don't have to/shouldn't be forcing him.

@MumofMaskers sending solidarity & best wishes 💐 it is so so hard.

I wobble frequently & feel overwhelmed a lot of the time.

what helps me is refocusing on the now and just the next step.

get through the day doing what you can & ease the pressure wherever possible, our life improved quickly once we stopped trying to get him in to school. It’s not perfect bits it’s definitely better!

sadly the school having authorised his absences have just changed to unauthorised & back dated it so pushing back on that is my next step!

take one step at a time & be kind to yourself! 💐

@Seahorsesplendour if the school is refusing to authorise absences, email them reminding them The Regulations (School Attendance (Pupil Registration) (England) Regulations 2024) make it clear where a pupil is absent because they are unable to attend because of sickness the absence must be regarded as authorised. Also point out DfE’s statutory working together to improve attendance guidance states absence due to illness, physical and mental health related, must be coded as I.

The school should have also made a sickness return.

Go on to say that as DS is not receiving an alternative education under s.19 of the Education Act 1996 (and if relevant anything detailed, specified and quantified in F as per s42 of the Children and Families Act 2014) the school and LA could have done and still can do more to support DS with his needs arising from his disability.

@Seahorsesplendour so sorry to hear the school have done that - it's awful when you think they are being supportive then they just pull the rug from under you. I hope you can challenge it and get them to change their decision.

You're right, it is just one step and one day at a time. It's all you can do.

I have managed to gather myself and got the EHCNA request in for my son. I actually spoke to a helpful LA officer this morning who had contacted me to let me know she will be our point of contact for our daughter's, and she said she will keep an eye out for the request and take both cases on in the interests of being joined up and having an understanding of both their needs, the whole family picture. I won't get my hopes up but it felt quite promising.

DS is unable to be in school today and my husband has now taken over dealing with them - they will take it more seriously coming from him when he says he can't get him in. Wrong but it tends to be the way it goes.

That's how it should be!