EHCP process and dealing with EBSA for 2 children at the same time

[MumofMaskers]

I’m looking for advice from anyone who has gone through the EHCP process for two children at the same time, while managing their needs and EBSA. I thought I could handle it with one but now it's both and I am not equipped to deal.

They are both masking at school but struggling significantly at home. We are either in EBSA territory or heading there with both of them (DD7 is on reduced timetable since before Christmas, DS5 now struggling to do full days most days).

They have different presentations but both probably ASD/ADHD and sensory challenges. Both hold it together in school to some degree and then unravel at home. They have big feelings and have both expressed in different ways that they want to die or have tried to hurt themselves, which is very scary at their young ages. My son in particular is exhibiting unsafe behaviours and we had an incident which led to my daughter being harmed and needing to remove all sharp objects in our house a few weeks ago. I am exhausted and often the recipient of his aggression before we get out of the door in the morning.

At the moment I feel like I am juggling SEND paperwork, chasing a small school with a one-day-a-week SENCO, trying to evidence needs that aren’t always visible in class, managing reduced attendance, doing bits of home learning, and regulating two dysregulated children.

Because they aren’t “causing problems” in class, I don’t always feel taken seriously. There’s a constant undertone of “they seem fine here.” Meanwhile I’m picking them up after an hour some days and feeling like I’ve failed at basic parenting and schooling.

We applied for an ECHNA for my daughter before Xmas and had a meeting with the LA a while back, following refusal to assess. On hearing what is happening with my son they said we should start the EHCNA process for him too. I know this is probably right. But I can't get any time with the school to discuss a plan.

Has anyone navigated two EHCP processes at once? How did you manage the admin and advocacy without burning out completely? How did you evidence needs when your children masked in school? Did things get worse before they got better?

I also have moments where I think about home educating just to remove the daily trauma, but realistically I don’t think that’s sustainable for our family long-term, and I worry about losing access to support altogether.

I suppose I’m asking both for practical advice and some reassurance from people further down the line. How do you get through this phase without losing your mind?

Sorry this is long and rambling.

Take a breath. You can do this. It is exhausting and relentless, but you can do this.

If you can afford it outsourcing some household tasks will help. For example, a cleaner if you can afford it.

You don’t need to discuss a plan with the school before requesting an EHCNA. You can do it yourself now using IPSEA’s model letter.

Have you request alternative provision for DD? And DS if he turned 5 last year? If DS turned 5 this year, while the LA has the power to make s19 provision, they don’t have the same duty to, so mostly don’t.

Have you had a home OT assessment? This can help to make the house safer and better meet DS’s needs.

You might also want to look at social care assessments. A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment of DC’s needs. If you want to do this, on their website, Contact has model letters you can use. Also look at your local short breaks offer - there might not be anything suitable but it is worth a look.

These last 2 paragraphs might seem like adding more work, but they can lead to freeing up your time in the longer term.

I have 3 DSs with EHCPs. None of the EHCNAs overlapped. Although one request was made just as one was finalised. But since then things like reviews and appeals have happened simultaneously or overlapped somewhat. For us, yes, things got worse before they got better. What kept me going is knowing that in the longer term, it would help. That still motivates me now. We couldn’t afford to fund the level of support DSs’ EHCPs provide.

Thank you for your reply and suggestions, I just need to hear that it is possible and I won't lose everything in the process. I already feel like I don't recognise my life in how much it has changed in the last few years.

I think with my son, he is so young, just 5 and in reception, and although I've been raising concerns since he was very young there's no evidence of any support being given to him in an educational setting. I am just worried I'll request the EHCNA and will be told nothing has been tried and it's all a home issue. But we do have a good amount of evidence, including an OT assessment. He gets DLA too. I didn't know you could get a home OT assessment, will look into that.

I have heard of social care assessments but didn't know that was something we could be eligible for. Not to worry about adding to the list, doing referrals left right and centre at the moment in the hope I can get some support and that something will actually stick! So far nothing has been forthcoming we haven't paid for, I just feel lucky we are in a relatively good financial situation but with me not working, the money isn't endless and I am worried about needing to pay for EP reports and advocacy further down the line to get the EHCPs.

I haven't requested AP for my daughter yet, she is on 1 hr a day at school and they were making positive noises about getting support in place for her to start increasing it but it's stalled so think we need to look at it again. Is my son too young in reception?

It is not a ‘home problem’. Please don’t let anyone make you feel that way.

You might have to appeal, but it is possible to get an EHCP for the needs of DS’s you describe. Requiring the school to have done XYZ before an EHCNA request isn’t part of the legal test.

The LA has a duty under section 19 of the Education Act 1996 to ensure compulsory school aged DC unable to attend school still receive a suitable full-time education. That means it covers some in reception but not others. If DS turned 5 in 2025, he is now compulsory school age. If he turned 5 since the start of the year, he is not compulsory school age until next term.

I'm expecting to have to appeal for both, it's just a question of how many times. My daughter is very bright so expecting that one to be a struggle, although I know it's a myth that academically able children can't get EHCPs (I have been told that a lot). We're already at appeal stage for her and thought the reason we got RTA was because she was academic and there wasn't ADPR in place, but then it turned out the school didn't submit their input in time for panel. So I've just had to request her ECHNA again while we wait for appeal in case it changes the outcome.

I was told to request a PRISM (?) meeting by the LA for my son but that won't happen until April after easter now. He will be compulsory school age by then as he just turned 5. I think the next 4 weeks til easter will give us more evidence as to what's going on and how much he can be in school. Every time he does a part day I feel so judged, but I know he can't cope with more.

If the LA will agree to assess on receipt of another application, they could concede the appeal.

How far into the appeal process are you? If the case isn’t scheduled to be heard imminently, you could try to request an expedited hearing on the basis DD is not in full time school.

Even if DS didn’t have SEN, because he is not yet CSA, you would be perfectly within your right to send him part-time if you wanted to. Whoever is judging you doesn’t understand the admissions code (or SEN).

A PRISM meeting is your LA’s term for a meeting to look at how a child (or cohort of children for those meetings that aren’t about an individual child) can be supported. It looks at their needs and what provision they need. It stands for Proactive Implementation Support Meeting. You, the school, the LA and other professionals attend. Don’t let it put you off requesting an EHCP, though.

It is good to hear you know the academically able DC can’t get EHCPs line is a myth. That will really help you. So many don’t know it is a myth and it makes advocating for DC much harder.

One thing I would recommend is keeping a log of what every day is like & relate this to school. Our ds did reduced time table etc. I logged every day for 4 months including weekends. He masked hugely in school but had significant and big explosions or episodes of vomiting or total shut down at home depending on the day he had had.

this evidence has helped hugely in getting school to understand the level of masking and suppression he was doing its rallied the gp in writing a great evidence based letter of suppprt for us and is amongst our evidence for tribunal.

I know it’s another task to do but will absolutely be worth the few minutes a day it’ll take to summarise what the day has looked like for each of them.

we've only got one DS and that has been really stressful so sending huge supportive thoughts your way and hope your dh is supportive 💐

@ExistingonCoffee I think the next panel is end of March and our appeal date is May/June. I don't know if it's worth seeing if we can expedite the appeal now or waiting to hear the panel outcome.

Yes I am trying to remind myself for the next 4 weeks we have the law on our side at least - I think a lot of the judgement is coming from myself to be honest, I feel like such a huge failure. But also his teacher keeps sending home learning and talking about what he's missed, and telling me I need to do things like writing sentences with him, when we know the increased demands of writing is one of the major things he's struggling. I'm telling them this but getting nothing back about what support they can put in place, it feels so one sided.

Oh yes, at the beginning when trying to get my kids old school to listen (they never did hence moving them) I heard it all - got to be 3 academic years behind, we need 3 terms of ADPR, only the school can apply - it's awful that schools tell parents this because until you look into it you take it at face value.

@Seahorsesplendour thank you - this is a good idea. I am already keeping a log of incidents which happen most days (mostly on school days - interestingly this weekend has been pretty calm which is data in itself) but could make it a bit more detailed to show the full picture. I did this for my daughter too when she was in burnout last year and got the GP to do a letter then so know it can be worthwhile.

My husband is supportive, it's just tricky as we've ended up in the classic situation where I've given up my career and he works long hours so all of this falls on me. Hopefully it's not forever but the way it has to be at the moment.

You are not a failure. The teacher doesn’t seem to understand DS’s needs. Writing sentences can come later. It doesn’t sound like it is the priority right now. If DS will, I would look at motor skills in general. These will help with writing later. Things like painting the fence, kneading dough, wheelbarrow walking, throwing and catching, playing with sand and water. All learning in ways that might be more accessible to DS.

If your appeal is May/June, then it isn’t worth it requesting an expedited hearing.

She absolutely doesn't. Despite efforts to explain and share reports etc. When I pick him up she tells me what a brilliant day he's had which feels like a dig especially if I pick him up early - like 'see, there's no problem here'.

And thanks re the appeal - we got the date in January but now it doesn't feel so far away so wasn't sure it was worth it.

I'm also getting a lot of 'do you think he's refusing because he sees his sister isn't in school' which I do get and I can't pretend that's nothing to do with it, but it's not that simple.

I wonder if Capa First Response might be helpful? My autistic child hit us a lot and they gave good advice. I'll post a link.

capafirstresponse.org https://share.google/ySRfuLtIFNWoG5xS2

The LA officer told me about this at the meeting I had with them recently - would a child as young as 5 be eligible? I do feel a bit silly saying my 5 year old is beating me up. But I do worry about the impact the violence has on my daughter.

5 isn’t too young.

For DD, also look at your local young carers service (some are better than others) and Sibs.

Thanks - have made enquiries with both CAPA and Young Carers. Time to acknowledge that this is real and not a phase that will magically go away.

Ours didn't go away till about age 12, and I wish I'd been able to access help sooner.

If your daughter only attends 1 hour/week, and this is a timetable the school has arranged, is this not evidence enough to warrant an EHCPA? Would the school not need to have tried other support first before establishing an 1 hour/day timetable, and record reasons why a 1 hour/day timetable is necessary? I'm genuinely surprised.
What do you think your children need as part of an EHCP? I've found a lot of people have been battling for an EHCP and then found it rather useless, so it's best not only to think about EHCP but exactly about what they really need and want, so all that can go into the EHCP. Do you think they could cope in their current school, e.g. with 1:1 TA, or is school as such (e.g. other people, rigid early times, smells, uniform, noise, lights) the problem? Would a SS fit better? Would a SS be academic enough for your daughter? How academic is she? Would some form of AP/EOTAs fit better, like online school or tutoring? If you are unsuccessful with an EHCP or find that the EHCP you got doesn't help/offer what you want, are there ways you could make EHE work? If you receive DLA, that pays for a chunk of online school or tutoring or clubs. You can also apply for carer allowance on top. I found that the moment we took both of my children out of school, and promised them they wouldn't have to go back because we EHE and there is no longer anyone who can force them to do anything, life was suddenly so calm. They were different children and we could calmly learn at home. I even managed to get back to work 4 full days as they do online lessons during the day by themselves (luckily dh wfh) and we then do 1:1 revisions at night and on the weekends. My children's online school is about their medium rate DLA. They do clubs and music lessons on top, for socialising, but for those we had to pay previously anyway. We luckily got things like OT, SaLT and CBT on the NHS.

Yes you would think it would be enough to warrant an EHCNA - hopefully they will agree at panel this time. She stopped being able to go to school completely at the end of November and trust was broken with her teachers, she didn't go in at all after that until after Christmas. The reason it's one hour a day is that she can only be out of the classroom so she is doing 1:1 or small group work while we hopefully rebuild trust and gradually increase it - she's actually doing 1.5 hours today. I think the school are following the EBSA guidance. It's very slow and gradual but it has to be that way. The issue will be when she needs to go back to the classroom - I can't imagine the school can resource more than 2 hours of 1:1 time and the only reason she is getting that is because they're borrowing some TA resource from another child who has an EHCP.

I really want an EP to give a view on the kind of provision she needs but my feeling is she needs tiny class sizes, very low arousal, lots of autonomy etc. She is 2e, assessed as highly gifted and is working well beyond her age. But struggles with handwriting, organising herself, executive function type stuff. And yes if no school could work for her (there is very little in the area we live that would be right for a child with her profile) then would look to EOTAS.

We are doing a lot of home learning at the moment and I could imagine EHE for her. It's just when I have both of them in the mix I can't imagine how it would work or if I could do it. And my son is still very young to be able to tell what is going to work for him.

And yes, we have DLA and carers so that's a help - it's just working out if we spend the money on home education resources, therapies, saving up for assessments, a private EP - there's so many different things we theoretically need it for but that's partly at the moment because we are at a crossroads of not knowing what we will do in the long term.

LAs act unlawfully all the time. DD being unable to attend because of her SEN means she meets the legal threshold, but that doesn’t stop LAs from acting unlawfully.

I wouldn’t EHE. An EHCP will be able to provide far more, including therapeutic provision far in excess of what is typically available on the NHS, than DLA and CA can fund. Plus, you can only do so much with both DC.

Many with DD’s profile end up with EOTAS/EOTIS. For some, the right independent MS can work. Do you think the right independent MS would work? Or do you think the class sizes will still be too large and the sensory environment too challenging?

I can't imagine the school can resource more than 2 hours of 1:1 time and the only reason she is getting that is because they're borrowing some TA resource from another child who has an EHCP.

It isn’t your fault, but if the 1:1 is detailed, specified and quantified in F of the other child’s EHCP, I hope the parent knows and knows how to enforce the provision. The school is leaving themselves and the LA open to legal action.

@ExistingonCoffee unless the class sizes are tiny and the school isn't too structured/the classroom environment not overwhelming, I think it will be challenging. I don't want to rule it out just yet but the way things are going I think some kind of mix of home learning/online/EOTAS is most likely.

Not entirely sure re the other child's EHCP but it's a bit complicated to explain the whole story on here, but yes the parent knows and it's all agreed, as temporarily it's working for them both, they get on well - sometimes they do the sessions 2:1. But it's not a sustainable arrangement for either child.

Struggling to get through to my son's teacher. I told her he's struggling with writing and that's consistent with his OT assessment which highlighted his motor coordination issues. She's just saying they don't see that at school and he's well able to write at age related expectations, which I am sure he is because he is so compliant there and will be pushing through. She sent me a bit of a judgy email this morning saying we don't want to get into a situation where he avoids all writing and we need to be catching up on everything he's missing when he's at home. I have been doing a lot with him at home, in any case he's managing to go in this week. It's so hard when they won't accept what you're experiencing. She knows about all the incidents and distress at home but all she is focused on is him not missing learning. What do I do in this situation?

I would request a meeting with the SENCO.

Point out pushing DS to ‘catch up’ at home is likely to lead to more difficulties in attending school.

Also point out DS isn’t yet CSA and you have every right to send him part-time completely separately to the SEN issues.

I wouldn’t be pushing DS to do loads of writing at home. That’s not to say I wouldn’t do any learning, but learning comes in lots of forms. Writing sentences isn’t essential if DS can’t manage that.

I have a meeting with the SENCO tomorrow so will see what comes out of that. The subtext of the email was that they see no issues in class, no anxiety and he's doing really well with writing so they basically don't believe me. I am just a bit exhausted with constantly having to fight and trying to prove my children's difficulties even when I have evidence, it still gets denied and I am made to feel like it's a parenting issue. And being pushed to make my son do school work when he is clearly struggling and I'm just trying to keep everyone in the house safe and regulated - well, she just doesn't get it. I know I can't force her to but it's frustrating.