Is there such a thing as a finishing school or business etiquette school for young women between university and first job?

[Moonriver987]

Do these places still exist nowadays?

I know this sounds incredibly old-fashioned but one of my young adult daughters is autistic and isn't very self aware when it comes to table manners, and when to speak, and when to not speak, and I think she would benefit from being given a set of rules concerning the "correct" way to behave in different situations.

I haven't guided her as much as I should have done on this as she found school so hard, that when it came to dinner time, I couldn't bear to add any more pressure.

Also, she finds being the centre of attention very difficult and I think she will need help with this when it comes to professional settings.

Also, she' s older now and navigating university reasonably well, so will be more receptive I think.

Does anyone have any ideas please? We are not particularly affluent and we aren't based in UK but my DD could travel to London, or thereabouts, and we have relatives in various parts of uk. And I suppose she could travel to anywhere in France, The Netherlands, Germany Switzerland etc.

Thank you in advance for any tips or recommendations.

Just want to say OP, you sound FANTASTIC and so does your daughter. I hope you find what she wants soon, it sounds as though she's going to fly when you do.

Following for ideas -- two autistic girls here, and I can completely appreciate that understanding what is expected can be mentally more relaxing than 'just being yourself' in some circumstances.

I agree in all respects ND women attract more criticism, both in progressional and personal spheres.

And I agree about IT - I have more ND colleagues than any other type, my social skills are relatively ok given the usual standard, which is low in my particular area.

I wish I'd known, the other thing it's really important to navigate is not over committing at work, very hard for those of us that struggle boundary setting.

Glad to have brought some amusement to your day HoppingPavlova.

The title of this thread mentions both finishing school and business etiquette. . Quite a few posters are just focusing on the finishing school part though.

Both aspects are important imho.

As ThisIsClearlyMe mentioned very helpfully, business communication will be the main focus. Skills that will be come in useful within a corporate setting.

I doubt dd will be chosen to wine and dine clients. But knowing her as I do, I suspect her anxiety will diminish and her confidence will grow if she can bank some “just in case” skills, as she very much likes to be prepared for any possible eventuality.

Why would actuarial training courses include social skills if they weren’t important?

Does your daughter get Disabled Student Allowance? I work supporting ND university students, and some of this is what we work on together. It's worth applying for, if she has another year to go. This support can also continue into the working world, through Access to Work. These options would cost you nothing (and, hopefully, once your daughter has built a relationship with her mentor, she won't feel that she's "in the spotlight").

That’s very kind of you. 💐

Thank you we are playing catch up as she was diagnosed quite late. This is very helpful thank you.

Here's the link for more information/applying for DSA.

www.gov.uk/disabled-students-allowance-dsa/how-to-claim

Thank you so much.

Dd struggled very much at first with the over committing thing but since diagnosis, and become much more mature, she. realises she has to pace herself and her routines support regular food and sleep.

Thank you for all of this information.

That is reassuring about the placement!

Dd has regular work in a pond life centre every holiday when back from university.

Thank you so much!

Thank you again Aliceolive for those helpful insights.

You have hit the nail on the head with the following comment:

I understand the concerns people have about masking but knowing the rules doesn’t mean they need to be followed 100% of the time. It just means that you know what is going on and don’t feel constantly confused.

Thank you. I understand what you are saying.

Thank you, I will give that some thought.

I should have added to @thestudio

Thank you so much but it is really dd that deserves praise. Like many austistic late diagnosed young women, she went through many private struggles for years, and blamed herself, and continues to struggle in many ways.

But equally she refuses to give up, however hard things get, as she has this innate dogged determination which is quite mind blowing sometimes.

I am not sure that I have replied to everyone , but again, I am so grateful for all of these replies!

I will ask Mumsnet Towers to move this thread to the ND sub-section on the SEN board, as it might be helpful to others to be able to access the tips and links.

Such an interesting thread! My self diagnosed but definitely ASD MIL used to tell me how she realised that she was rubbish at this kind of professional presentation stuff so took herself off to do a short course (I think a couple of weeks) at Lucy Clayton. She loved it! Sad that the same thing isn't there for your daughter.

I'm a lecturer and I wouldn't rule out her uni careers office putting on some kind of readiness for work course - you can usually access services a few years after your graduate. She also might want to read the Ask a Manager blog - it's US based but really good for learning workplace norms and expectations, and strategies that she can use to eg manage office small talk.

“Ask a manager” is wonderful.

Oxford School of Business.

@ThisIsClearlyMe I'm an actuary and an actuarial science lecturer - while it's certainly a ND-friendly profession, it's nowhere near 90%. The highest proportion of students I've had with adjustments has been just under 20%. They're a bright, seriously dedicated and hard working bunch, and mostly NT

This is surprising. We are not in the UK and would seem we have a VERY different demographic here then as when my child went through uni the special needs facilitators didn’t express surprise that theirs was an outlying year with this figure and it’s pretty much the overall feedback of anyone who has anything to do with them here in industry. The reason I’m surprised in the difference of demographic is that my child told me they sat common professional exams (post uni and after required experience) with the UK and Canada, so I just assumed the demographics would be the same across the three for that role but seems not!

On reflection, it may be the way ours are admitted into the uni course here? It’s complicated but my understanding is they start with the potential for a ‘normal’ cohort as people with no aptitude can get in based on the entry score requirement. The entry score is pretty much the highest except for direct entry medicine which is a bit moot as doesn’t really exist anymore in most institutions for the same reason as people who get in are unsuited to actuarial work. We have kids heavily tutored specifically for uni entrance score (the one score is used for entry to all different degrees here irrespective of subjects taken to get that score so there is also cherry picking subjects to optimise the uni entrance score as opposed to relevance to required degree). These people pick actuarial degree as pretty much hardest to get into and there is huge attrition in first year when they discover what it is and that they hate it. To counterbalance this they take a stream of kids who wouldn’t get in via uni entry score (as you need to score nearly 100% in all subjects, hence cherry picking to achieve), but instead who have taken highest level maths and also physics and have scored very well via natural aptitude in these, irrespective that they may have had average marks for their other compulsory subjects such as English. Typically, that cohort is really high ASD (and male). Supposedly it’s these kids who all go on with the degree when most others from uni entry score drop out, thus I’m guessing ending up with ASD heavy after the first 6-12months through to graduation. @ThisIsClearlyMe Maybe your intake system is set up differently? Would be interesting to see.

What percentage of actuaries study it at university? All the actuaries I know have maths degrees. And are NT.

@ThisIsClearlyMe I'm in the UK, in a RG university, so it's A-Levels here. Our course has the highest entry requirements in the university, at AAA*

Sorry, doesn’t help my understanding as I am not familiar with the A system you refer to. Is this saying you need to attain a high score in 3 seperate subjects only or something different, and what does the * pertain to?

@ThisIsClearlyMe but there are more and more accredited undergraduate programmes

Sorry to be daft but we seem to have different terminology. Does this mean Degrees? As in I’m referring to a Bachelor Degree in Actuarial Studies (3 years at uni) and then post graduation you have to do further professional development/experience and associated exams to call yourself an Actuary. Is the accredited undergraduate programs you refer to specifically a Degree in Actuarial Studies or something else? Sorry, hard when terminology is different.