Is there such a thing as a finishing school or business etiquette school for young women between university and first job?

[Moonriver987]

Do these places still exist nowadays?

I know this sounds incredibly old-fashioned but one of my young adult daughters is autistic and isn't very self aware when it comes to table manners, and when to speak, and when to not speak, and I think she would benefit from being given a set of rules concerning the "correct" way to behave in different situations.

I haven't guided her as much as I should have done on this as she found school so hard, that when it came to dinner time, I couldn't bear to add any more pressure.

Also, she finds being the centre of attention very difficult and I think she will need help with this when it comes to professional settings.

Also, she' s older now and navigating university reasonably well, so will be more receptive I think.

Does anyone have any ideas please? We are not particularly affluent and we aren't based in UK but my DD could travel to London, or thereabouts, and we have relatives in various parts of uk. And I suppose she could travel to anywhere in France, The Netherlands, Germany Switzerland etc.

Thank you in advance for any tips or recommendations.

Wow! Lots of responses all of a sudden!

Thank you so much for all of these replies! So much to follow up on. I really appreciate all of these pointers, thank you so much!

*EHCPerhaps *
Thank you, that’s exactly it.

It’s also very easy to say that it doesn’t matter if:
a) you find that it all comes easily to you, or
b) it doesn’t particularly matter in your line of work.

Have you tried contacting Access to Work? Ive known a couple of neuro diverse people get individual coaching.

This is an excellent idea.

I fear that the sort of coaching the OP has suggested will be in no way specialised enough, or neuro affirming, and therefore risks being quite damaging for her daughter's self esteem.

Thanks for your concern. My dd is quite high functioning in many ways - to the extent that some family members were unconvinced when she was diagnosed becauae they only saw her when she was masking - they didn’t see the fall out afterwards.

She also has ambitions to work in quite a demanding profession as an actuary. She needs the social skills to accompany that.

This is something she wants for herself. And she is more receptive and open to feedback now she is in her early twenties than she was as a teen.

If it's of any comfort, OP, many actuaries have absolutely no social skills at all! The profession has always been absolutely full of what we would now call neuro diverse people but in the past were just considered oddballs. My dad is one.

That’s reassuring thank you 😀

100% agree on actuaries!

Also going to recommend Lamda - not direct experience but colleagues have done it. You get to see how you come across to others. They found it v useful.

Moonriver987

I would just add that it has been the experience of some people we know who are ND, that society in general is less forgiving of ND women than ND men, I don’t know if that’s true or not, but it’s something my dd has picked up on.

What about someone like this? https://www.cathbaxter.co.uk/public-speaking.html Describes herself as an impact coach and might be a good place to start.

I gave this book to each of my daughters as young teens. And my god daughters! It’s an easy, well written read. I know you want more than this, but it’s a start.

https://www.amazon.com/Things-Every-Young-Lady-Should/dp/1401600646

(I sent my DDs to private, girls day schools in London. No manners of any kind were taught. The kids picked up manners from one another. Not all of it great. I’m not British originally. In my day, they marched the boys over to our school and mortified us with partner dancing and a bit of etiquette. I’ve truly had no need for any of it in adult life. But the manners have been important.)

You should a Ama on this. It would be fasinating.

I don’t think this is a bad idea at all .

listening to my husband talk about the young people coming to work with him I think lots of people need this type of training.

I think if you haven’t -for whatever reason- learnt how to interact in the way that is expected then you will always feel on the back foot, uncomfortable, as well as potentially offending others or alienating yourself.
so learning in an intentional way is not a bad thing.

I haven’t any practical experience.

google suggested “Mindful manners” in London. It might be worth exploring their offer.

My mum was finished at LC too, in 1970

I did a month at Lucie Clayton's between school and uni in the late 80s, paid for by my grandmother who was a great fan and thought (not unreasonably tbf) that I could do with a bit of polish. It was kind of mad but kind of useful in terms of confidence as well. I can still remember how to get out of a sports car in a short skirt without flashing my knickers.

Actuaries are well known for being a bit quirky/ND; much is forgiven as long as your maths is good enough and you're a hard worker, but I'd recommend some work experience.

The idea of finishing schools reminds me of that reality show in the early 2000s called Ladette to Lady, where they re-opened a traditional finishing school and taught the contestants all the things they used to teach - both useful manners/skills and lots of very old fashioned things!!

I don't think that's what your DD would really need. There must be a better name for the sort of thing you're looking for.

I remember reading about or maybe seeing on TV about a course for children doing scholarship/11+ exams to get into the good senior schools. Again it is too focused on specific manners for what you need, but some of the same coaches might do other things, or do private coaching. They were doing simple things with the children like practising asking questions, how to respond, how to use cutlery politely, how to shake hands etc, even things like reminding them to blow their nose or whatever, and because it was aimed at 12 year olds, it was the more basic social skills stuff.

Thank you again for latest posts. I really do appreciate everyone’s input.

MumonabikeE5
Yes that’s a comment I hear quite often at my place of work, it seems to be quite a common problem, especially now many teens have more screen time than face-to-face interaction.

Thank you, she is doing some work experience this summer, before her last year at uni.

I have asd and adhd and benefited from acting classes specifically for business to improve my confidence and speech. I went to Guildhall but Rada are supposed to be good

Thank you Ozanj, that’s useful to know.

A previous poster suggested LAMDA too.

We are going to look at all of these options. It’s for next summer, not this one, so we have plenty of time.

I don't think that's what your DD would really need. There must be a better name for the sort of thing you're looking for.

Yes I think the term “finishing school” is defunct now.

I mentioned it because dd would benefit from a few more social interaction skills and she lacks confidence and overthinks things if she dining in a restaurant and there is an unusual place setting or similar. So she needs more help in that area, in addition to help with delivering presentations and with business etiquette. It’s a blend of the two we are looking for.

If it helps, lots of actuaries are neurodiverse, many undiagnosed. They even make them all sit an exam on cummunication as part of the training!

If she’s looking at jobs, she should focus on insurance companies rather than consulting, as it will be easier on her.

Career coaching will help with her confidence for interviews etc. I’ve used this lady in the past and she was great, very understanding, although expensive.

https://sarah-robinson.co.uk

Is there a careers centre at her uni? Maybe they do similar for free? There are lots of places in London that do career help, many paid for by employers for staff going through redundancy, and other courses like “personal presence and impact” that people get sent on too, so maybe have a google for that kind of thing. There is bound to be something online these days too!

Thank you so much for this information and for the recommendation. It’s really helpful.

I am not sure about her university careers service, but a pp mentioned this too, so I will forward the suggestion to dd.

I can see your rationale but I would question if an organisation working towards these ideals would not exactly be ASD aware nor be inclusive. Their full mantra is compliance without question. If this worked for your daughter she wouldn't have the need for the support.

I would suggest considering approaching it from organisations who support independence for ASD community and see if there are recommendations there.

In Ireland we have AsIAm and NLN who facilitate these type of stepping stones.

Their full mantra is compliance without question. If this worked for your daughter she wouldn't have the need for the support.

Sorry I don’t quite understand. My dd is compliant, if that’s the right word. She’s very much attracted to rules and systems.