Is there such a thing as a finishing school or business etiquette school for young women between university and first job?

[Moonriver987]

Do these places still exist nowadays?

I know this sounds incredibly old-fashioned but one of my young adult daughters is autistic and isn't very self aware when it comes to table manners, and when to speak, and when to not speak, and I think she would benefit from being given a set of rules concerning the "correct" way to behave in different situations.

I haven't guided her as much as I should have done on this as she found school so hard, that when it came to dinner time, I couldn't bear to add any more pressure.

Also, she finds being the centre of attention very difficult and I think she will need help with this when it comes to professional settings.

Also, she' s older now and navigating university reasonably well, so will be more receptive I think.

Does anyone have any ideas please? We are not particularly affluent and we aren't based in UK but my DD could travel to London, or thereabouts, and we have relatives in various parts of uk. And I suppose she could travel to anywhere in France, The Netherlands, Germany Switzerland etc.

Thank you in advance for any tips or recommendations.

As a neurodiverse woman myself I would suggest to your daughter that increasing the amount she masks will just lead to burnout.
Self acceptance is an easier path.
Maybe a session or 2 workplace coaching with someone who is neurodiversity aware. But cramming "how to act normal at work"? Yuck. I know you mean well and want the best for her, but tread carefully.

Thank you for your concern. We are both aware of the potential problems.

”How to act normal is work” is your own interpretation. My dd sees it as a way of becoming more comfortable and confident in social situations, and having a set of rules to follow will assist with that. And I support that.

Can you get your DD to check with her career guidance centre at university? Mine used to hold different sessions where they'd help you with your resume writing, or help you prepare for your interview (where they'd also talk about attire, first impressions, eye contact, etc). I found them really helpful!

I went to a girls' school so the other stuff like general etiquette, how to get out of a car properly, how to use your cutlery, etc were taught to us then.

Maybe someone already posted this link:

They have both business and social etiquette courses.

https://iepalondon.com/international-business-etiquette/

International etiquette which could be terrific helpful in a global company.

Self acceptance is great, but literally every person has to suck it up somehow to be respectable at work, that's life.

I searched for “London Business Etiquette course” and got some great hits. Some listed their clients which included large companies. It’s great that your daughter wants to do this. I think everyone could benefit from this type of training.

www.londonschoolofetiquette.com/courses

Finishing schools have women walking about balancing books on their heads and getting out of sports cars wearing short skirts. You do not want that.
What might be useful is a life skills course for autistic people. Contact the autistic society.

Oh yes!

I'm wondering if a more general "social skills" course might cover much of what you're looking for. My daughter is on the spectrum and when she was around 12 or 13 we signed her up for a few sessions. It was helpful - though I'm in the US so don't have any local places to recommend, I'm afraid.

Yes, life skills!

I opened this thinking it would be one of those ridiculous posh posts! I also have ASD daughters and you've absolutely hit on a need. I discussed something similar with my GP but was thinking more about social awareness, especially relationships, safety and so on but yes, business too. I really struggle in meetings and it's held me back. There are so many super smart asd girls, a service like this to support them to transition into the adult world would be wonderful

This seems to be the evolution of Lucie Clayton:

https://www.questprofessional.co.uk/our-programmes/

What about a "life coach" type person to help your daughter? I've never been 100% sure what they do (and assumed it a bit gimmicky) but if she needs help with navigating life eg role-playing work etiquette, various social scenarios this might be the way forward.
Like other posters have said, I think a lot of young people could use some help with this when entering the world of work - learning to talk to adults, how to respond appropriately to requests from work colleagues, pushing yourself to step outside your comfort zone, how to be a team player, what to do in an emergency, how socialising with colleagues works - buying drinks, meals out etc etc

I manage a lot of actuaries and agree it’s very ND as a community. However poor communication skills are an ongoing issue and I think it’s great your daughter wants to improve something she feels like she could do with some support in. Good luck to her!

I can't help, but I have for the last few years thought how I would love to run a course for local 6th formers which would be pretty much this. I am saddened by the fact that a lot of children come from families where they don't get brought up with manners or knowledge that more advantaged children have. This then gives them a disadvantage when moving into the workplace. I strongly believe that anything that can help level the playing field is something we should do. And, helping people on the autistic spectrum with those things would be a side-benefit.

Also the parent of a ND girl who can see how helpful the right kind of this sort of thing could be.

if be cautious of a “life coach”. I’ve had indirect experience of quite a few who were, without exception, not the sort of people who should be advising anyone on anything.

Your dd (if anything like mine) may learn and follow the rules perfectly, but then struggles with the fact that others in the wider world do not.

I don't think it is possible to teach the fluid subtleties of social skills in a formal, rule-driven manner.

Ultimately, you would be training her to mask. Which is, to a degree, a social skill, but which needs to be balanced out with teaching her how to decompress in a safe way. And she also needs to be able to choose when to mask and when it would be safe not to.

Just had s look. £17k for the nine month course!

Adhd here and probably autistic. I would have loved something like this. I would have spent much less time in low paid jobs.

Things that did help me - use of career service or similar for interview coaching - every interview I had coaching for I got the job, when I didn't then I didn't get the job! A long stint in customer service type roles. A job / work experience that involved giving presentations - you could also look at Toast Masters. In reality I spent so long working on my communication skills I probably ended up with less earning potential. But I am a good manager. Make sure she surrounds herself with competent people to learn from.

There is a certain point as well where you have to understand the difference between pragmatics and semantics - semantics is using language precisely and pragmatics is using language enough to convey meaning and get the job done. It's okay if you prefer semantics but some people are going to use pragmatics and you just have to accept it.

Thanks for your reply, but I don’t think you’ve read the whole thread.

Completely understand where you’re coming from OP.

There are business coaches who would hit the spot here : key words to search are “communication” and “personal career development”. My very clever ND DH has had to have some very basic social skills coaching at work as it was spotted it was holding him back and luckily he was at a deep pocketed firm that had a training budget to help bring him up to speed.

brilliant that you’re thinking ahead, keep searching and follow up the leads you’ve got here and I hope you find something.

I understand your point very well but I think you need to credit my dd with some intelligence, and me for that matter, about what is best for her, and how she would use a course such as this.

We are well aware that some adjustments will need to be made.

Please remember that ASD affects everyone differently.

I strongly disagree that a course like this would be training her to mask. She sees it more as a way of facilitating her ability to do the professional training and, hopefully, the job that she had wanted to do since she was twelve years old.

It sounds like she needs a specialised social skills type of course for autistic people, not a finishing school.

Thank you very much, that’s really helpful, about the correct terminology, and I am so glad that your dh found it to be of benefit to him.