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SEN

Here you'll find advice from parents and teachers on special needs education.

Original poster

Forcing ds to school

53 replies

qwertypoiu · 14/12/2021 17:39

He's been diagnosed with sensory processing disorder and currently getting assessed for asd.

After a year of trying different things to get him to stay at school, it's come down to the only way to get him in is him screaming and crying uncontrollably while 2 teachers restrain him so he can't run to me, so i walk away and leave him at school.

Do you think this is an acceptable way to do it?

He's 4

OP posts:
AnyOldPrion · 14/12/2021 17:41

Sounds harrowing for both of you. How is he once you’re gone?

NerrSnerr · 14/12/2021 17:43

Does he settle quickly once you've gone?

lifeturnsonadime · 14/12/2021 17:44

Please don't do this. If he is so distressed to be at school at the age of 4 that is not the right environment for him.

Have you applied for an EHCP? If not request a needs assessment immediately and say you are not sending him in until his needs have been assessed and are being met.

I am the parent of two teens with ASD and SPD. Both are currently out of the school system because the environment was harming them.

My eldest now wants to attend mainstream college in September and is able to manage his anxiety and sensory differences much better than when he was little.

MNSEN · 14/12/2021 17:44

No.

I don't think the school.should be willing to restrain a child for this either and that would ring alarm bells for me about whether they knew what they were doing with a child with SEN.

kiwifruitbanana · 14/12/2021 17:45

No I don't think it's a good option and I say that with experience of the same. Finding the right setting is key. Also you don't need diagnosed to get an EHCP so start that ball rolling if you can.

MNSEN · 14/12/2021 17:46

I'm not sure that it matters what the school report about how he is once you've gone either. He's clearly distressed at being left and that, in and of itself, will be damaging to him. He needs responsive care and what you have described is the opposite.

Suzanne999 · 14/12/2021 17:50

Don’t know if this is worth thinking about but maybe the school can provide a quiet area ( ideally a separate room) for your son, with a TA present. You take ds into the quiet room where TA is ready to settle your son with some books, or a quiet activity. As soon as ds is settled you withdraw.
It’s possible the whole school experience at the beginning of the day is too overwhelming for him, way too much stimuli. A separate, quieter, more secluded start might help.

fourminutestosavetheworld · 14/12/2021 17:50

I don't necessarily think that restraint is a red flag, if done by trained professionals, but I would want to know what was happening after he was in the building. Where does he go until he is regulated and who supports him? What outside agencies have they contacted for support? What strategies are in place to support him during the day, to reduce his anxieties snd help him to see school as safe and happy?

Original poster
qwertypoiu · 14/12/2021 17:53

This is not happening currently. The school have “exhausted every other option” and say this is the only thing left to do. I’ve said I’m not doing it. There was once when I tried to sneak away but he saw me and 2 teachers grabbed him before he could run to me, but I went back in for him straight away.

I can’t believe this is the way they would treat a child with special needs, or any child for that matter.

OP posts:
Sockpile · 14/12/2021 17:55

This really isn’t ok. He’s clearly showing that he’s not happy at school. Have you applied for an EHCP as he really needs to have his needs identified so the correct provision can be put into place, either at his current school or another school which can meet his needs.

MNSEN · 14/12/2021 17:56

@fourminutestosavetheworld

I don't necessarily think that restraint is a red flag, if done by trained professionals, but I would want to know what was happening after he was in the building. Where does he go until he is regulated and who supports him? What outside agencies have they contacted for support? What strategies are in place to support him during the day, to reduce his anxieties snd help him to see school as safe and happy?
Restraint should be an absolute last resort for situations where a child is otherwise going to hurt themselves or others.

Two adults restraining a four year old who wants his mum is red bunting.

2reefsin30knots · 14/12/2021 17:58

Is it just the moment of separation that he is struggling with or the rest of the day as well?

Did he also struggle to separate at pre-school/ nursery?

MNSEN · 14/12/2021 17:58

@qwertypoiu

This is not happening currently. The school have “exhausted every other option” and say this is the only thing left to do. I’ve said I’m not doing it. There was once when I tried to sneak away but he saw me and 2 teachers grabbed him before he could run to me, but I went back in for him straight away. 
I can’t believe this is the way they would treat a child with special needs, or any child for that matter.
Well that's a relief OP. Good for you.

What strategies have they actually tried? I bet absolutely nothing that acknowledges either his anxiety or his sensory needs. Hmm

reallyworriedjobhunter · 14/12/2021 18:00

My son struggled with drop offs. Just found them overwhelming.

What about going in earlier, get him settled and started with an activity and then you leave? Meet a TA at the gate before school opens and hand him over to play a bit of football in the playground and then go to the classroom?

Our school is mainstream with a high number of SEN kids and they find a workaround. I've never seen them use restraint.

It must terrify the child.

Original poster
qwertypoiu · 14/12/2021 18:02

I haven't applied for an EHCP. The school applied for funding after his paediatrician said he would benefit from a 1-1 teacher, but they said they were 99% sure it wouldn't get approved because "he's fine at school". They've came up with that idea from the odd time he has stayed a couple of hours. His attendance since September is less than 5%.

OP posts:
Original poster
qwertypoiu · 14/12/2021 18:05

@reallyworriedjobhunter

My son struggled with drop offs. Just found them overwhelming.

What about going in earlier, get him settled and started with an activity and then you leave? Meet a TA at the gate before school opens and hand him over to play a bit of football in the playground and then go to the classroom?

Our school is mainstream with a high number of SEN kids and they find a workaround. I've never seen them use restraint.

It must terrify the child.

We've tried going in earlier but he knows that I'm going to leave he just clings onto me and won't get involved in anything. The teachers have tried to play with him and distract him but they've said now they can't do that anymore because we've used up so much of their time already.
OP posts:
2reefsin30knots · 14/12/2021 18:07

How was he at nursery?

Spanglemum · 14/12/2021 18:07

He's not legally obliged to be there yet. If his attendance is that low he obviously isn't 'fine at school'.

RedHelenB · 14/12/2021 18:16

You're not happy with it so take him out of school
There are only so many staff and a lot of children.

MNSEN · 14/12/2021 18:17

I don't think the teachers understand. Particularly if they are looking to 'distract' him. It's about empathising with a child and about acknowledging that the transition is distressing and difficult but helping them through it.

What does he find soothing and regulating in a sensory way? Is it big stuff like hanging from the bars or climbing or chewing something or a fiddle toy? Does he have an OT or a sensory diet?

MNSEN · 14/12/2021 18:18

Might you ask for this to be moved to a SEN board or repost there for advice on how to manage the transition better?

lifeturnsonadime · 14/12/2021 18:25

i really think you need to apply for a statutory needs assessment EHC Review.

Schools will put you off doing this and will tell you that you won't be successful because there is a time and cost element to them.

Schools are also keen to promote that children are 'fine in school' when they often really are not.

IPSEA was a really helpful resource to me www.ipsea.org.uk

If you force him into school against his will now you may have a bigger problem in the future. School based trauma is a thing. Hopefully if you can nip this in the bud and can get his needs met then he will have a successful time in school in a setting that is suitable to meet his needs, this might be the current setting with adaptions.

This is a 4 year old. He should not need to be manhandled into school. That's just cruel.

DeffoJeffo · 14/12/2021 18:32

So sorry OP, this sounds super stressful. My son sounds v similar (now has his diagnosis...Yr 1). Last year he had transition funding which helped but this year started horribly for us. His school bought him a Teepee which is in the book corner and we try and get there early and take him into the classroom before anyone else to get him settled in the Teepee with headphones on etc. This has made quite a big difference, although still not always easy. Our EHCP is being processed now and I can't wait to see what it says! Do you have any available money for a private OT assessment??? Or can you apply for DLA so that you have some? X

Witchcraftandhokum · 14/12/2021 18:32

He's not legally required to be at school until the start of the term after he is 5. Are you able to keep him home a bit longer and work up towards him returning when he feels up to it. Or find a different school.

Airyfairymarybeary · 14/12/2021 18:33

School is completely optional until the term after they turn 5 FYI.